The Difference between "Yes and" and "Yes, But"

So, your boss decided to hire the red flag-filled candidate, and as you predicted, it isn't going well. While most employment in the United States is technically "at-will," and the company could just fire the new hire, that's not generally a practical solution.

First of all, it's unfair to the new hire. Unless she's done something incredibly awful, she accepted the job in good faith and deserves a chance. Second, unless her presence is causing a drop in morale, terminating her would cause a decrease in morale among the rest of your staff. Your best bet is to say "yes, and."

To demonstrate see what happens, try this little exercise:

Improv "Yes, But" game

Get a small group of people (a minimum of two and a maximum of 12). You will be telling a story one sentence at a time.

The first person gives the opening line, and then each person adds a sentence, but it has to begin with "yes, but."

Jane went to the store.

Yes, but she couldn't find a parking place.

Yes, but she really needed potatoes.

Yes, but she had to go to a different store with a parking place.

Yes, but that store didn't have potatoes...

Takeaway: You'll notice poor Jane never accomplishes anything. Everything is a roadblock. It's hard to move forward when you negate everything.

Now, switch to the next game.

Improv "Yes, and" game.

Just the same as the previous game, you're going to tell a story, but this time, each person begins their sentence with "yes, and."

Jane went to the store.

Yes, and she had to park in the back.

Yes, and she ran through the rain to get into the store.

Yes, and when she got inside, she was soaking wet.

Yes, and she was dripping on the floor.

Yes, and an employee started mopping the floor around her.

Takeaway: Jane doesn't instantly get what she came for, but she makes progress. When you "and" instead of "but," there's a huge increase in the probability that you'll accomplish something. "Yes, but-ing" things prevent success.

Applying these principles to your less-than-stellar employee.

How does this work in the real world? Well, try using "yes, and" literally. Here's an example. We'll stick with the name Jane for the bad employee.

Manager: I don't know what to do with Jane! She talks constantly, doesn't get any work done, and is disturbing everyone.

You: <resist the urge to say, "I told you her constant talking was a red flag">. Yes, and she is very enthusiastic.

Manager: Enthusiastic, yes, but so annoying!

You: Yes, and let's harness that enthusiasm.

Manager: I just need her to be quiet!

You: Yes, and that would be very handy if we could do that. Have you talked to her about it?

Manager: I told her to get back to work.

You: Yes, and that was a great idea! Now, be more direct. Say, "Jane, I need you to get your work done, and that means you need to stop talking with other people. They need to do their work.

Manager: That seems rude.

You: Yes, and I can see how you might think that. Letting Jane continue like this is more rude, causing animosity and ruining productivity.

Manager: Good point.

You: Yes, and the best way to handle a problem is to address it head-on. Have a direct conversation with Jane. If that solves the problem, great! If not, come back, and we'll devise a new plan.

Now, it will become super annoying if you actually say "yes, and" at the start of all your sentences, and you'll build a reputation as the crazy one. But, keep that in your head.

Yes, and it moves you forward. If you start with "no, but," you'll move backward. You won't solve your Jane problem.

Homework: Play the two games with your team. Try to make the most ridiculous stories possible and laugh together. And note the difference between the "yes, but" story and the "yes, and" story.

See you next week!

Suzanne