The Difference Between Shy, Lacking Confidence, Low Self-Belief, Introversion, and Why You Need to Know

Many people confuse shyness, a lack of confidence, low self-belief, and introversion as being one and the same, but they are not. Shyness, a lack of confidence and low self-belief aren't exclusive to introverts because extroverts can also be shy, lack confidence and be low in self-belief.

In order to break down misconceptions about introversion and the unfavourable bias that exists, it is necessary to raise awareness about the what these misconceptions really mean. Where bias exists, understanding what forms these misconceptions, goes some way to addressing it.

Here are my thoughts on the differences and why it is important to understand what these differences are.

Shyness

Someone who is shy is said to be nervous or timid in the company of other people. Shy people prefer to be on their own because they feel anxious being around other people. They may want to connect with other people but are reluctant to because of fear of rejection or being judged.

Shyness in and of itself is not necessarily a problem unless it leads to social anxiety. It can even be an issue when a shy person is around family members and people that they know. I know of shy people who were socially anxious, and crossed the road to avoid speaking to friends because they feel so anxious about having to converse with them. Yet, they would love to join in their activities.

If shyness is causing a problem, it can be addressed. If this is something that an individual can’t do on their own, then professional support can help to address the fears at the root of the shyness.

A lack of confidence

Confidence can be described as having faith in your abilities. To me, confidence means being comfortable with who I am and having the courage to do all that I need to do. Most of us lack confidence at some time or another and in something or another.

Some people over generalise a lack of confidence and write themselves off as lacking confidence whereas the reality is, there may be a specific thing (or things) that they lack confidence in. This could be because it is something they have never done before, and therefore lack experience. Or it could be that they have attempted to do something previously, it’s not gone as they hoped and as a result, their confidence has taken a knock. This in turn affects their ability to go and do it again, or even to try something else they have never done.

Confidence is gained by taking action over and over again and doing the thing repeatedly until you are comfortable doing it. When attempting something you have never done before, or learning something new, you are aware that you are not competent at it. As you learn more about it and practice it, you move towards unconscious competence, that is you eventually become so competent at it that you don’t even think about it.

Low self-belief

Low self-belief or a lack of self-belief means that someone has a low opinion of themselves and lacks belief in themselves and what they are capable of. This belief about themselves has often been shaped by early life experiences. They may have been made to feel like they were not good enough or told they would not amount to anything. It could be that they were different to other children and felt that they didn’t fit in. They could even have been put on a pedestal with high expectations of them that they felt they could not live up to.

A lack of self-belief and being low in confidence often go hand in hand. Because someone who lacks self-belief has such a low self rating of themselves, they often don’t have confidence to do those things that are unfamiliar, they have no experience in, or which take them out of their comfort zone.

We gain self-belief by changing the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves. Depending on how rooted this is, someone may need professional support by way of cognitive behavioural therapy or coaching. I use cognitive behavioural coaching when working with my clients on self-limiting beliefs. However, if someone’s self-limiting belief is too deeply entrenched for coaching, I recommend that they speak to a counsellor.

It is more than simply thinking positive or doing affirmations, it is about changing inherent beliefs a person has about themselves.

Introversion

Introversion is a personality trait and exists on a continuum of attitudes and behaviours at the opposite end to extroversion. All of us fit somewhere in between. Introverts are concerned with things of the inner mind and draw energy from being alone and going inwards. Whereas extroverts are concerned with things external to their mind and draw energy from being around other people.

Different situations and different environments will determine our preference as to how we respond. For example, introverts are overstimulated by spending too long in noisy social environments such as parties. It’s not that we don’t enjoy them, it’s that we can find them draining and need time after to recharge. Whereas extroverts thrive being in such environments where they are around lots of people. Some people have a preference towards the centre and are known as ambiverts.

Someone who is introverted enjoys spending time alone, whereas someone who is shy, prefers to be alone because of their fear of being around people. Someone who is introverted is not fearful of being around people, spending too long around people may be draining for them.

Because someone is introverted it doesn’t automatically mean that they lack confidence, they lack self-belief, or that they are shy. Introversion is NOT something that has to be gotten over or grown out of.

Just as how many people have misconceptions about introversion, many people have misconceptions about extroversion. Not all extroverts are loud and overly gregarious. Labels are necessary at times in order to help people identify with why they may be the way they are. Plus by giving something a name it makes it easier to call out injustices. In some respects, however, labels aren’t always helpful. They have the propensity to put anyone who falls within that label into a box and place limits on them.

Many assumptions are made about someone who is introverted because of a misunderstanding that all introverts are shy, lacking confidence and low in self-belief. I have had many a conversation with people who have told me they used to be introverted but now they are not and wear this like a badge of honour. Digging deeper into the conversation, it transpires they used to be shy, or they used to lack self-belief, not that they were ever introverted.

Understanding these differences helps us to understand ourselves and others. This is important to understand this if we are to remove the negative labels that have been pinned to introversion over the years.

Years ago, I used to think that being introverted meant being shy, lacking confidence and self-belief, and that is why I didn’t want to be associated with being one. My view had been shaped by the misconceptions that exist. What about you? When you think of the word introvert, what comes to mind? Or, if you already understand the differences, prior to that understanding, what were your views?

About Me

I am an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach, known as The Coach for High Achieving Introverted Women, and 4 times LinkedIn Top Voice UK. I coach women who are senior leaders to be visible, to confidently exude presence, to influence, and make an impact. I also provide workshops, webinars and talks on personal development, career development and leadership development.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here. 

?My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows how these challenges can be overcome. The hardcopy is available here.

Or you can get it on Kindle here.