Did you know that your clients lie to you?

How?aware are you of how often your clients keep things from you?

As posted?in Psychology Today, in the article by Sue Kolod, Ph.D., a study published in Counseling Psychology Quarterly found that 93% of clients reported lying to their therapists!

For me, that's a shocking number, but when you break down the experience for the client, it's not that surprising.?

Put yourself in your client's shoes for a moment.?

You are sitting together or across the screen from a coach or therapist, and let's say it's early in the relationship.?

For most people, reaching that point of vulnerability to make it to the appointment requires a lot of strength. Now, you've got to be in the hot seat, finding a way to express how messed up you are! Am I right?? Unless you are fully practiced and in complete rapport and total trust with the person across from you, this is a hard and maybe even excruciating place to be.

I've seen it on clients' faces: the way the shoulders fall inward, the face contorts, and the hands close around their body or cover their face.?If you've been in the coaching and therapy practice for any time, you've seen this. If you've been a human for any time, you've felt this.?

According to the article, the four main reasons clients lie, omit, or distract from the truth are:

1. Shame, fear of judgment
2. No trust without trust: [they don't fully trust their coach/therapist]?
3. Lying to themselves: [the truth is too deep and painful, they aren't ready, their sub-conscious won't allow them to believe it]
4. Not connecting the dots: [the omission isn't intentional; the client doesn't understand how their past is influencing their present, so doesn't bring it up]

So, we know clients lie all the time during coaching/therapy for natural reasons. What's the cost of it, and how can we prevent it?

The cost, in my opinion and the shared opinion in many of the articles I researched, is a dramatic increase in the amount of time it takes to heal. This means more clients are suffering and more pain and damage in the outside world.?

How can we prevent it?

1. Confidential they can trust: have an explicit confidential policy that is written, shared, & spoken to from the heart and with integrity.
2. Lead by example NOT authority: don't show up with a?holier-than-thou approach, you actually don't have all the answers and never will. Lead with your vulnerability, your willingness to explore with curiosity, and partner with your client rather than prescribe.??
3. Explicitly express acceptance: It's important to actually say the words, "I accept you." "I won't judge you, no matter you." "Everything is welcome here, without judgment." You'll find your own style and words, and you need to mean it (or do the work to get there), and it needs to be explicitly shared often.?
4. Use a pre-session assessment:?frameworks and assessments allow the client to answer questions outside of the pressure cooker of being in front of you (it's not your fault they feel like that; it's natural). Assessments, when delivered the right way, can work like a can opener into the client's true internal world. Saving hours, days, and, in some cases, even years.??

Join the conversation. Share in the comments.

Written by:

Maurice Thibodeau - Founder, Lead Trainer - Life Inventory Assessment

Helping coaches create and celebrate massive results with their clients.

WANT MORE??Based on my experiences and intuition, I didn't feel this list in the Psychology Today article was complete, so with a little more digging, I found this article published by verywellmind, titled?

Why Most People Lie to Their Therapist (And Why You Should Tell the Truth)

They list these?as the four leading reasons why clients lie:

1. Self-Preservation
2. Avoiding an Uncomfortable Emotion
3. Desire to Be Liked
4. Fear of Causing the Therapist to Feel Bad

Link to full article here.

Interesting, right??