Did you know there's a difference between self-esteem and self-compassion?...

People often get self-compassion confused with self-esteem, it took me a while to fully understand the difference. It's why I thought it was worth stopping, pausing and getting clear why both are important in our growth. Self-esteem is defined as an individual evaluation of one's own value or worth. There are several factors that influence self-esteem including; appearance, employment, possessions, financial difficulties, age, education, family etc. Ultimately self-esteem is an influence on overall mental health and in North American culture, high self-esteem is something we strive for and requires us to stand out in a crowd. We want to be special and noted as above average (Heine, Lehman, Markus, & Kiayama, 1999). This includes the outward validation and acknowledgment of who we are and what we do. Think about how many times you are waiting to hear the words - good job, great work! Do you inwardly love when your mother or father or your boss validate your excellence? This desire and need to be better and above average leads to undesirable behaviour including bullying, being picked on, self-criticism, judgment, prejudice and more. YIKES! We feed on self-esteem boosts. I know for many years, without realizing it, I sought out the validation of my mother. I wanted her to approve my decisions; every job I chose, the places I chose to live and even the men I dated. I wanted her approval desperately. Her approval was a trigger of dopamine release to me. It felt like it sealed the deal and without it my decisions didn't feel as solidified. It becomes a vicious cycle. The trend of this need has been monitored by many researchers since the 1980's; noting that narcissism scores in college students has reached an all time high since 1987 (Germer & Neff, 2019). This increase in attitude is noted to be well-meaning and unfortunately a by product of misguidance from those who love us most; parents and teachers. They are telling their children how special and wonderful their children are as they try to boost their self-esteem, the result is inflated narcissism (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).

Self-compassion is different, removing judgment; it allows us to connect to what we need with kindness and a circle of common humanity - recognizing and relating to the fact that our needs are universal, we aren't alone. "Self-compassion never leaves us, it is always accessible to us, anywhere, anytime" (Germer & Neff, 2019). There is no need for comparison to others. When you think of self-compassion think of it as your friend that you carry with you everywhere you go. Here are a few easy ways to incorporate self-compassion into your day today:

TIP #1: Be kind to yourself: Stop in this moment and name one thing you like about yourself - give yourself a compliment, notice how it feels. Try saying it out loud - "you have a warm heart", "you are kind and joyful".

TIP#2: Recognize you are not alone: If you find yourself in a difficult moment, stop and pause. Take a breath and remind yourself you are not alone in your experience.

TIP #3: Ask yourself what do I need today?: As you start your day or evening, ask yourself the question - what do I need? Be honest with what shows up. Grant yourself permission to listen.

Until next time, be kind to yourself and others.

For more information?on how to reduce stress, anxiety, break habits, improve decision making, build confidence & resiliency, with the power of mindfulness, self-compassion and storytelling, please reach out to me at: [email protected]

You can also visit my site at:?https://admitone.ca/doublejstrategic/