“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?”

Making sense of my doctoral research journey whilst navigating the ever-increasing issue of poor mental health across our society.

Reflective journal – Year 1 – Month 2?

I am responsible for leading First Person Project CIC towards our social mission of improving mental health across our communities - this is my passion and something which I embarked upon in 2019 following my own mental health crisis. This is not my job or career; it was literally a life-or-death thing for me. In addition to this, First Person Project is my way of honouring my late Mum and people from the same humble background that she, then I, came from. There’s a lot of trauma and guilt wrapped up in this, but life is not a neat series of events or ‘paint-by-numbers’, so I didn’t wait around until my trauma ‘resolved’, I cracked on and tried to fall-forwards. It works for me, 7 out of 10 days at least, but it is getting better. The point here is that my day-to-day work is far more than a pay slip – it is a part of me. Consequently, when challenges arise during the course of our service it impacts me far deeper than it ever did during my previous life in the public sector. Furthermore, at First Person Project we are very proud of our pioneering model because it allows us to exist a lot closer as equals to the people whom we meet – this cannot be said for everywhere. However, whilst the benefits of our approach are manifold, it can be emotionally challenging to be knee deep in the lives of people, for both better and worse – but more for the worse, especially of late.

At the risk of stating the obvious, the mental health pandemic is well upon us and worsening by the day. We are seeing an unprecedented demand for our services, across areas and all people. Every single day we are managing multiple mental health crises and speaking to people who are reporting ideas of suicide – some have also acted upon these thoughts. Our model at First Person Project is different in the sense that we are professionally-led by myself but we are, fundamentally, community-driven - this is an imperative feature of what we do, why and how we do it. We believe in proactivity not reactivity, prevention not cure, assets and gifts not deficits, equality and equity not power imbalances, citizen and not professional driven. The rationale for our approach is based on evidence, experience and prevailing wisdom.?We are also a social enterprise, this means that we have the freedom to be a lot more agile and responsive than some of our peers, increasing inclusivity and accessibility. We do not exclude people on the grounds of some pre-determined or what seems at times, dare I say it, arbitrary criteria – we simply ask that people are respectful and supportive of themselves and others. We are not illness-focused. Again, this is a feature of our service which we are proud of, but it also means that we work alongside people at various stages of their mental health journey. We are not a ‘one size fits all’ outfit, which is great but makes planning difficult at times, resulting in increased demand and stress on our workforce.?

In the past month, I have commenced at Doctorate in Business Administration at Liverpool Business School, where I am conducting research into mental health, social enterprise, asset-based approaches and sustainability. We, at First Person Project, are interested in changing things at a practical service-level, but it is acknowledged that this must be accompanied by an equal commitment to changing things in both research and policy too. Despite being plagued with imposter syndrome, I have enjoyed the start of my doctoral journey. However, I know that I do deserve to be here and my research, if conducted as per my plan, will add a new and exciting dimension to the evidence base which, in turn, will directly impact upon our social enterprise. In addition to this, it will serve as an evaluation of what we, and others like us, are doing in the mental health landscape. I have received a warm welcome by my peers and I have made full use of the amazing support/resources/facilities. I have been allocated a fantastic Mentor/Supervisor, who is vastly experienced in practice and also in my research area. I am still adjusting to a work life which doesn’t look like me working in a people-facing role 7 days-a-week – this is taking some getting used to, especially as I have done this for so long. I don’t wish to sound na?ve, but running a business alongside doctoral research is bloody hard!?

In my capacity as the organisational leader, I have noticed a significant impact upon the mental health of our team and, as is very much encouraged, they have been forthcoming in expressing this to me. In all honesty, I have felt the impact upon my own mental health too. It isn’t easy at the moment, for anybody. It was agreed by all that this is probably due to a combination of factors, many of which I have mentioned above, however it was also recognised that our team are used to having me on hand at all times – something which I can no longer be. In the spirit of asset-based, solution-focused working we, as a team, agreed that we would work together to find a solution, we decided:

-We decided that we cannot fill up the glass of other people if our glass is empty, therefore we should temporarily pause all business activity. Staff were granted leave and we shut down. This is counter-intuitive, but our people come first and we needed to take a breath in order to come back invigorated. Business, like life, is not ‘paint by numbers’, you cannot learn it in a book.

-To fully utilise our time together by reviewing the weekly timetable and inputting mode two-way staff support and development opportunities.

-To introduce more time for mental health and wellbeing, this includes being afforded the time to prioritise this, however you wish to do this.

-We reviewed our practice and, in the spirit of reflexivity, we introduced some new safety enhancing practises. We suggested these together and time was provided to upskill accordingly.

-We restricted our services slightly in order to continue to provide excellent support. This was a proactive, preventive move.

-We placed more demands upon our referring partners (not the people being referred) to do more before accessing our service. We felt that some people were being treated like a hot potato, so we demanded better for them.?

In a small space of time these changes have supported an improvement in both our mental health and the quality of our service. To get a lot you sometimes must give a little. We can move quickly and nimbly because of our business model, however it is more than that – we live our values and value the triple bottom line of People, Planet and Profit.?

This month has been an eye-opener for me and, whilst I have learnt loads of new things, I have also better seen the gifts of head, heart and hands that I have personally, but also those of the people around me. I reckon I will be OK. See you next month ??