Did a sales course just make me a better person, listener & spouse?

For many, the mention of sales sprouts visions of lying, sweaty, pushy salesmen. In some sales offices, there is no greater rally cry than quoting the movie "The Wolf of Wall Street" and the man the movie is based on Jordan Belfort. I'll never forget sitting in my first sales bullpen humming and pounding my chest (a scene from the movie) as our predominantly male team got fired up to 'smile and dial'(a term often used before making over 100 calls in a span of a couple of hours).

“Winners use words that say ‘must’ and ‘will’.” – Jordan Belfort

It was a high with too many lows. It was a strategy focused on forcing it down their throat with the energy of a battlefield that made sales our goal and the prospect the opposition. In this game, the only thing standing between me and that sweet sweet commission check was getting this person to do what I want, and to do it now. After all, winners use words like 'must' and 'will'. I experienced variations of this culture for the next few years and it explains why salesmen have the stigma they do... I mean it wasn't too long ago I got swindled by a salesman in Nebraska when buying a used car. A victory that may have made his day but left a scar on my credit report.

"Know thyself and thy adversary" - Sun Tzu

Fast forward to 2021, a new year, and a new company! I'm a couple of months into the role and imagine my dismay when they announced we would all be learning a new sales system, the "Sandler System". My first thought? Oh no! Time to suit up, grab the helmet again, and learn to strong-arm the opposition. A few months later and I'm ready to admit... Boy was I wrong!

"You can't sell anything to anybody - they must discover they want it." - David Sandler

I sat in these Sandler trainings and for the first time started to value myself instead of feeling like a bully I was finally being empowered to be a consultant. Despite this, I found it difficult to make the mental shift... "Act like a consultant? Nice... then we get them! Right?" but then I heard the following words:

"... don't be afraid to tell them they might not be a good fit." - Sandler Trainer

I'm deciding if we should work with them? I kept hearing phrases like open and honest conversations, establishing expectations, and upfront contracts. This was not like the sales coaching of the past. I often found myself feeling like I was in a self-help class, I was immediately identifying ways I could apply these rules and mind-shifts to my everyday life.

There are many things in life we end up putting in boxes and knowledge is no exception. We don't often see how we can apply what we've learned in one field to other parts of our lives.

Just a few days later I found myself in a heated discussion with my significant other. It wasn't the first time we had disagreed, usually, we'd take turns trying to convince each other, emotionally cutting each other off, and trying to find different ways to push our perspectives across. It was at that moment that I realized that we are all selling something and my fancy Sandler training kicked in.

By this point, emotions were already running high! Even so, I had to take it from the top, after all, "...with Sandler we don't skip steps".

So, step 1... bond; encourage open and honest conversation. In a few minutes I was able to slow down the conversation, empathize and begin to diffuse the tension before moving on to establishing expectations... why are we disagreeing and what do we actually want at the end of this discussion? We started getting past the pain and into the cause of the problem.

Finally, it started feeling like we were back on the same team. We were discussing not just the issues but the next steps and in one conversation we were able to address the soil of the relationship instead of just trimming the dying leaves.

It no longer felt like sales, I no longer felt like a bully, and best of all; I felt accomplished! In fact, I was proud because I had improved my communication, I had become a better person, a better salesman, and a better spouse. I challenge everyone to think of the last disagreement you had and ask yourself if you were selling or listening?

Let me know: have you been selling or listening?