Did my deceased son come to my rescue yesterday?

Today, I'm left reflecting on a day that will live with me for a long time. Yesterday, June 28th, Sheffield was the setting for Day 4 of a 2-week nationwide tour that will see a baton of hope being passed between many hundreds of people, across 12 cities in the UK, to help raise awareness about suicide and the need to break the stigma and have people talking more openly about this often taboo subject.

I'm proud of being one of the co-founders of the Baton of Hope UK initiative, along with Mike McCarthy , Paul Vittles and Ian McClure . However, in September last year, I had to make a difficult decision to step back from this project. Signs were starting to appear that trying to organise a national event of this scale, alongside our work with The Jordan Legacy CIC , was beginning to impact on my mental health and wellbeing. It was time to put my own oxygen mask on.

And so, in September, Mike and a brilliant team of people (the Organising Committee) took hold of the baton and have created an experience which will capture the imagination of the British public in much the same way that campaigns such as the 3 Dads Walking has.

Despite my departure, Mike McCarthy and the team have graciously continued to refer to me, in the media and elsewhere, as one of the co-founders of the Baton of Hope UK, something, which if I'm honest, my imposter syndrome does make me feel uncomfortable with. Mike was adamant however, that I and The Jordan Legacy CIC would be involved in some way and a few months ago, we agreed that the Sheffield leg of the tour, would be the perfect location for me and Jordan's sister, Danielle Phillip , to be baton bearers, not least because Sheffield is where Mike and I first met and Yorkshire is also where The Jordan Legacy CIC is based.

June 28th arrived. Meticulous planning by a host of Baton of Hope volunteers and detailed instructions of pick up and drop off points for the baton's route and car parking locations were provided to me, including where to pick up our wonderful Baton of Hope t-shirts.

What could possibly go wrong, given such attention to detail?!!

How could we not have been in the right place at the right time to receive the baton and carry it the Town Hall steps to pass it on to the Mayor of South Yorkshire and other local dignitaries?!

Well.....................!

Somehow, I'd misread the timings. This meant that my wife, my daughter and I had to run (it was like a baton relay race but without the baton!) more than a mile to hopefully reach our baton checkpoint.

As we approached Sheffield Town Hall, we could see a mass of blue, Baton of Hope, t-shirted volunteers and then as we got even closer, there was the gleaming, silver and gold baton, no longer in the hands of a baton bearer, patiently waiting to pass it on to Danielle and I but now, the baton was on the steps of the Town Hall and in the hands of the Mayor, who was mid-way through his prepared Baton of Hope speech!!

Months of planning and preparation and we'd failed. Possibly one of the most important moments in our lives and we'd missed it! I had just one job!!

"But what about the headline of this post Steve?!!"

Ok, you've waited long enough.

What happened next, wasn't in the script and has had me questioning whether the following few minutes was extremely fortuitous, divine intervention or maybe, just maybe, Jordan stepped in and said: "Dad, you and Danielle can do better than simply handing the baton over on the Town Hall steps and then fade back into the crowd."

During the course of the next few minutes, the special moment we thought we'd lost was rescued by Mike McCarthy and the organisers. We were now going to be walking with local dignitaries and the MP, Louise Haigh, as she carried the baton on the final leg of its Yorkshire journey, where the shining symbol of hope would then be passed to Danielle and I and we would hand it to Mike on stage to huge applause from a packed Tudor Square audience and the wonderful sound of a choir of young people.

As I stood there on stage with my daughter, whilst Mike and I were being interviewed by local television presenters, I began to reflect on how an almost disastrous day had suddenly turned into the perfect day. And was that Jordan I could hear whispering in my ear and saying; "That's where you belong Dad"

And so. today, June 29th, the Baton of Hope UK tour has been in Manchester and then it will travel to other cities around the UK (Tour dates) before ending the tour in Downing Street, London on July 6th.

What will this initiative achieve?

It will get people talking about a subject too many people avoid discussing. It will generate further awareness about suicide. It will have provided many hundreds of people, many bereaved by suicide, with a voice and an opportunity to come together in a show of unity and collaboration. It will provide people, during quite challenging times, with a sense of some hope and sometimes, when life is difficult, any sense of hope might be all that is required to prevent one more suicide from happening.

If you have been affected by any of the content in this article, please visit?The Jordan Legacy's website?and our?Help & Resources?menu resources.

Steve Phillip is a former training consultant, turned suicide prevention advocate, following the death of his son, Jordan, to suicide in December 2019. The Jordan Legacy CIC's mission is to be at the forefront of the advancement of mental health and preventing lives being lost to suicide. Our focus and hope is that we can influence a significant reduction in the annual suicide numbers in the UK.

For regular updates on developments at?The Jordan Legacy CIC?and the work we're involved with to help prevent suicide,?you can opt-in here?.

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