Did I get your attention? By what? The Car? The pond? It's the car, I knew it.

I'll bet for some, a brand new Lamborghini means nothing. It's an expense unjustified for its use. I agree, but to drive one is to fall in love for the first time. Its sweet sound accelerates your heart, and the acceleration puts that loving heart right in your throat! For many years I sold health insurance and HMO coverages for The Prudential Group Department and was reasonably successful. It was back in the days when companies invested heavily in their sales people and junior managers. Prudential was a very forward thinking company then, before it, like so many other companies, started excusing everything on "increasing stockholder value." That meant budget cuts and people cuts. Prudential cut the entire medical and dental areas because the new CEO at the time was the ex-CEO of Chase and was moved out. I believe he was more motivated by revenge than by prudent business decisions, but my opinion only. I felt as if MY company had been sold to strangers. I took the offered severance and took a job elsewhere.

I landed a few years later in what, in my opinion, was an even more dysfunctional spot. I had a people in the required manager rolea but was the person capable of managing people, creating excitement, support, and a team to stand by him? Could he even communicate with his minions effectively? No, the answer to all above is, "NO." He could not. You see, he felt very important in his role. He didn't need to communicate such that his team understood or "such that they got it.") He just expected them to get it from what he said.

Over time I counselled him on the biggest problem he had. He had good relationships with those outranking him yet chose to step on those who worked for him. We had one of our most pointed arguments on this very topic after I, one day, walked over to where he was and found him speaking to one of his reports in a tone and in a language I would never have accepted from anyone in the company. It lacked respect and was belittling and embarrassing to hear. I growled lowly but he got the point. Let's go to my office. I gave him a taste of his own medicine. He started blankly as though he was used to this behaviour. Then, I felt terrible that I did to him just as prior "bosses" had done before me. I made him right about the behaviour of management.

I didn't stutter enough to notice as I turned towards the window and the great view I was provided. I was hired from the outside while he, on the inside, thought he was going to get the job. We had to have that talk so I took him to dinner. We had more than two but not four martinis. Our tongues were loosened and he asked me why I treated him so badly just before dinner. I said, "I can not stand a bully and you were bullying that person right in front of me and the entire office. That was unacceptable behaviour." "No, I mean in your office. Until then I thought things would change. You're so up all the time and reasonable and I couldn't make the decisions you do without blinking an eye." I apologised without excuse. I said, "Please listen, I'm sorry I did to you what I was so upset by you doing. What is it that makes you react so negatively in situations." He replied, "She asked me the same damn question she asked three times already and she's just trying to bug me." I looked at him seriously and asked, "Is that really what you think or do you think the abuse placed on you is transferred onto your reports?" No answer. "What if she just didn't understand what you had to say." "How could she not?" he replied.

It was then I told him a story about myself. "Years ago I had a training I am so grateful I had. It taught me how to say things in a way such that those around you get it. You have to come up with five distinct way of saying things such that everyone gets's it. It's like discipline. Some need to know why their actions are incorrect, some need listening to but there's always that one that thrives by a kick in the butt." When you exhaust the first five ways of saying something nice, and helpful, then you can kick their butt! It worked for me for so many years and the person who I counselled, got caught doing something really bad and left the company. I don't know if the message really reached him but I had it reach everyone before I was off to a bigger challenge. I was their best boss EVER! Why, because I treated them the way I wanted to be treated and they knew I would defend them when they were right and help them when wrong. I told them when I was wrong, vulnerable, needed to change direction, (which they got to love because it would never happen before I arrived. Then we had a team, again. It felt like home again. They worked for and loved each other. There was no more putting yourself ahead by putting others down. Gossip lessened, and then I had to move on, again. But they know, sometimes the good guy does win. Nobody is the same. And even they have to talk with people such that they get it. If they haven't, they didn't work hard enough. Lastly, I made one rule: You know enough to make decisions without running to me all the time. I will protect you from the first decision of that type if it blows up on you. Really, don't worry, I'll take care of it. After a time they believed me and some excellent decisions were coming right out of the field. Only twice did I have to take heat on any of it. I told them all, make the mistake once and I'll cover, make the same mistake again, all bets are off. All of a sudden, empowerment happened! My time in heaven was short lived. My nest stop was indeed, hell.