Did I ever tell you about the time ... Head Shaving Edition

Did I ever tell you about the time … Head Shaving Edition

So, there I was … ANGRY at my parents for the 1000th time. I HATED them. PASSIONATELY. I was plotting their untimely demise, well not Sean’s, just Maree’s, and constantly muttering obscenities about them.?

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I had the longest thickest hair, always tied up in a high ponytail, and I was angrier than a full nest of recently disturbed pissed off wasps. I walked out the door of my home house, after being berated, roared at, called names, belittled, and whatever else could be chucked at me, and I marched, yes .. marched … into town.?

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I had been going to the local hairdresser for years, and she knew exactly what I liked having done to my hair, a little trim, but this was no ordinary day, and did I mention I was fuming!!! When I walked in her salon door, I was an emotional hurricane, and all I had on my mind was ... sticking it to the man … the man in this case … was my mother.?

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Bear in mind, I was 16 years old, in Transition Year in school, and was already someone who stood out from the crowd naturally because of my energy and personality. Well, I was about to stand out a whole lot more.?

I sat in the hairdresser's chair and she asked me what I wanted. I looked at her with fury in my eyes and said … ‘shave it all off’! She looked shocked, and then immediately said … ‘not a chance’. I stared back at her like I was challenging her to a duel and said … in the quietest voice ever … ‘if you don’t, I will do it myself’. Well … I met my match because, between one breath and the next she chopped off my entire ponytail, and sheared a strip right down the middle of my head. There was no going back now, and the shock of it set in so fast I nearly had whiplash. She looked at me in the mirror and smirked … and said ‘nothing you can do now, is there’?!

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So I sat there. In her chair. While she removed every hair on my head. It was a number 2 all over, and while I do indeed have a nice shaped head, I absolutely did not suit a shaved head.?

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Now, let’s do some math shall we., a few things were happening around this time that I really needed hair for. One, a trip with my parents where I would need a passport picture taken. Two, the transition year school play, which I planned on auditioning for the lead part, and three, just life in general as a 16 year old girl. I hadn’t thought of any of that though …?

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Once I had been shorn, which the hairdresser didn’t charge me for by the way, I stalked home, still pissed off but now I was pissed at them, AND at myself. The walk to my home from town took far longer than normal as I contemplated all the ways I was going to shove this in their faces, as well as all the ways this could go horrendously wrong for me. I finally walked the last few steps up to the sliding door at the back of my house, and decided to be a messer and knock on the door, a massive cheeky grin on my face. Maree answered the door, staring out it looking at me like I was a stranger. Her expression blank, her eyes questioning. Then … like in a cartoon, I watched as the realisation dawned on her in slow motion, who I actually was, and what I had actually done. And then … the roaring began.?

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Sean! SEAN! Come out and see what the bitch has done. To which Sean arrived out, took one look at me, and said ‘ah shag it’ … dad speak for this is not going to end well for you! Maree was doing her best impression of a woman long ago in the middle of a hysterical fit, Leaning against Sean, looking for his support in her hour of need, and her smelling salts. Cue the eye roll! The ranting continued and finally I was allowed to cross the threshold back into the house.?

I got told I would regret it, I had ruined myself, this was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, I looked ridiculous, nobody would look twice at me, everybody would be looking at me, and on and on it went. The final nail in my coffin was when realisation dawned on her royal highness Maree that she would have to take a trip with this hideous looking creature ( me ) and then ….. that slow motion thing happened again as they both looked at each other and said in a whisper … the passport photo! It was the definition of abject horror.

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I was hustled into the sitting room, sat down and lectured for a while longer, and then the appointment was made to get the passport picture taken. Maree looked at me with glee in her eyes and told me … she would choose what I would wear to have my picture taken. Oh shit! My rebellious nature still fully in flow, I told her ‘fine’, and went to my room.?

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The next day, Maree arrived down to my room holding some clothes. I had this cream tight top with a high neck, and in her hand was a navy blue v neck jumper and a headscarf. I had no idea where this was going so … when she told me to get dressed, I grudgingly acquiesced, because … #pickyourbattles … and when I put the ensemble together I said HELL NO! I looked like a nun in a habit. And the scarf was like a hairband around my head hiding the shame of its baldness!! I was mortified. Not by my shaved head, but by this get-up this weapon of mass destruction had put me in.?

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The passport picture was taken not long after, with me looking like thunder, and we did indeed take that trip. If you were to say to me today, Ciara … can I see a photo of that? I would have to tell you no. Not because I am mortified still but … because my father burned that passport straight after the trip. He said … and I quote … ‘that will never see the light of day’. That was the level of shame they had over my bald head! Not one picture ( that I have ) remains of that time of my life. I have every other passport photo I have ever taken in my whole life, but that one is one of the forgotten memories of Ciara Maeve Heneghan ( ooo … that could work as a book title, or a version of it ).?

Anyway ...

That was spring of the mid 90’s, and I spent the final months in school looking like Big Bird. In fact, that became my nickname. Why Ciara, I hear you ask … great question! Well … it just so happened that I had a canary yellow half zip fleece that I was particularly fond of. Combine that with my big personality, and the fact that I was one of the taller ones in my year, I was usually in the back row of photos, and because I was easily spotted, big bird was born. Awesome! Not!?

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Luckily my hair grows really fast, because that September I would be auditioning for Maria in the Sound of Music. I needed to have the hair right. If I were an actress today I would absolutely be big into method acting. My hair began to sprout, got fuzzy, curly, kinky, wild, messy, and over the coming months miraculously fell into almost the exact same style as Maria’s was in the movie. Colour me impressed with myself. It was like divine intervention! I always say ‘everything happens for a reason’, and looking back on that time, I must have been emulating that then too, though I definitely wasn’t articulating it ;)?

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It was such an interesting year for me, a reinvention because of rebelliousness and hurt, and being seen for all the ‘wrong’ reasons, turned into someone who was seen for all the ‘right’ ones. For a girl, or a woman, shaving the head is such a huge step. Shaving the hair all off to start anew. I was always ahead of my time, always ready to do something to push the boat out, to cause a reaction. I probably always knew I was the cause and the effect, but again, back then, I had no articulation for that. I just was what and who I was. I still am, though … I don’t have the need or desire to shave my head. No thank you ma’am!?

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I learned a lot that year.

1. Don’t wear a tight white top with a high collar, a navy v-neck jumper and a head scarf if you don’t want to look like a nun.?
2. Be very aware of the threats you throw out because one day someone will meet your threat with an action you can’t take back.
3. Always do wild things, life is for living, not wondering - if only I had done that!?
4. Never wear a yellow fleece when you’re 16 and have just shaved your head if you don’t want to be the big bird in photos.
5. Let no one dim your shine because they are trying to put their limits and preconceived conditioning and patterns on you. Even, and in fact especially, if they are your parents/family.?
6. When we humans get to a point that we have been so hurt repeatedly by the people who are supposed to love us, the response can be to act out. The acting out can be as harmless as a shaved head, or as dangerous as a drug overdose. Be aware of the truth that; you acting out more often than not, hurts you more than it will ever hurt the people who have hurt you. When we try to get back at the people that hurt us, usually we just end up hurting ourselves.?
7. Be bold enough to get fully into whatever character you’re playing in life. A half ass character never did a good actor make!??
8. Sometimes your own rebelliousness is not serving you!

What rebelliousness has served and not served you? Do you reflect?

xoxo

Ciara

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