DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME - CAR THEFT EDITION

I was 18 and had no idea how to drive. I had one lesson with my father that went like this.

Dad: Agra ( my love in Irish ) I’ll take you out for a drive.?

Me: Ok dad thanks

Dad: We’ll go up the back roads at Calachoon (a little place up the road from where we lived )

Me: Eh … ok

Dad: I’ll drive to the back road and then you can take over

Me: Ok

He drove to the beginning of the back road and we swapped seats.

1 minute in

Dad: Shag it agra would ya ever keep out of the potholes

Me: THE WHOLE ROAD IS POTHOLES DAD

Dad: Ara shag it WOULD YA EVER STAY OUT OF THE FECKIN POTHOLES …

Me: I CAN’T STAY OUT OF THE FECKIN POTHOLES DAD, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

Dad: FOR THE LAST TIME STAY OUT OF TH …

Me: FINE …. YOU DRIVE THEN AND YOU STAY OUT OF THE FECKIN POTHOLES

I braked hard, got out of the car … BANGED the door with enough force to rock the whole car and left him hanging a minute while he collected himself and eventually moved seats.?

Stony silence for the journey back home and I never got in a car for a lesson with him or anyone else in our house again.?

That was when I was about 17.

Fast forward to a year later when I had gotten myself a job in one of the lovely local bars/restaurants. The regular Sunday eatery for my parents and I to go to for our Sunday lunch.?

My parents knew everyone and everyone knew them.

I started the job just as new owners were taking over.?

The bar manager was a lovely guy called David, and the new owner was a mover and shaker in the hospitality industry. Had owned pubs overseas and in Dublin, and had loads of money.?

One day, I arrived into work and the owner was sitting at the bar and said to me, Ciara … I need a car. Just until my own gets shipped from overseas. Here’s 150 pounds (Irish pounds before the euro came in), go buy me a banger for the next couple of days.?

Now, I already had an in. I knew the local up the road had a car outside the door and they were selling it for 100 quid. I strolled up, told them I was looking to buy it, and pocketed the extra 50. Hey … it was payment for my services ok! That 3 minute walk was worth the 50 quid!?

Now remember, I had no driving experience apart from that brutal ‘lesson’ with my dad, AND I had no licence and of course … no insurance. But sure … how important were they really? ;)?

I DROVE the car back to the bar, headed inside and dropped the keys to the bar manager and asked him to let the owner know I had done the deal, and it would do him for a couple of days. Like I knew the first thing about cars or their lasting power … something that would become a pattern in later years but that's a story for another day!?

I didn’t say a word about the 50 quid, and went home happy as a pig in muck. Very pleased with myself and my business acumen and negotiation skills.?

The following day I rocked up to the bar, did my shift at work and then asked David the bar manager for the keys to the car casual like. Told him I wanted to test drive it to make sure it was ok, and he gave them to me. He was none the wiser.

I decided it was a great idea to go for a drive 22 km out the road, and on the way I picked up a passenger. A friend of mine who was hitching to Louisburgh, the next town over. So now … I am driving a car with no licence, no insurance, and have picked up a passenger.?

I drove us to the beach and proceeded to give her a driving lesson ( remember … I had literally driven for the second time in my life and really was only cutting my teeth on it all ), and that lesson went surprisingly well. She was driving by the time I was finished with her, and I was an excellent teacher by all accounts. From doing karate since I was 9, I had learned that the best way to get better at something was to teach it. I was winning at life.?

She told me she needed to go home and asked would I drop her, and of course I said yes. I dropped her home to her front door and her parents were there to greet us. It didn’t go well.?

I had taken their daughter on a wild ride around the countryside and I had no licence or insurance. They ate the head off me ( got angry with me and told me off, for anyone who doesn't understand that expression ), and told me to go home. How cool were they that they didn't call the guards … but in those days, things were more often than not kept ‘in house’ shall we say!?

I thought about going home, I truly did, but my adventure was not quite over. I was ready for the next leg of my journey. I was fast and furious long before the movies.?

I headed back to Louisburgh to go visit my boyfriend at the time, and as I was careening down the back road toward his house, a tiny little boreen ( Irish for skinny little overgrown tertiary road ) I mounted a wall, went on 2 wheels, and came down to earth with a thud as I literally landed outside his front gate. I had just gotten a phone, a Nokia, and text him to ‘come out and see what I have’. Him and his sister, my best mate, came out of the house and couldn't believe their eyes. He said ... 'but Ciara … you can’t drive' … I responded - yeah I know, but sure ... I am now!?

I told them of my previous adventure, and then told them I had to get home because my parents would be looking for me. Kissed the boyfriend, said good luck to my bestie and headed on home.?

I drove in my parents driveway like I had been driving for years, arm out the window,? elbow on the window frame, tunes on and all cocky. Ah … that was such a sweet sweet moment in time. Short lived, but so very sweet.?

I walked into the house and my father looked out the back sliding glass door and this is what followed

Dad: Who dropped you home

Me: I dropped myself home

Dad: Who owns that car - voice slightly rising?

Me: Peter

Dad: PETER WHO?

Me: No longer feeling cocky and a bit of a pit forming in my stomach - The owner

Dad: WHO GAVE YOU THE KEYS TO THAT CAR

Me: Eh … David

Dad: WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS DAVID

Me: Gulp … the bar manager

Dad: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU TOOK A CAR YOU CAN’T SHAGGIN DRIVE AND DROVE IT HOME

Now … I would like to take this moment to share with you that I am a shit liar. I don’t like lying, it's exhausting, I would prefer to tell the truth, it's easier … but there are moments when my honesty just screws me over big time. There is a thing called being too honest … I was about to be ‘too honest’.

Me: Well actually, I took the car to test drive it, I drove back to Louisburgh to see if it was good enough for Peter, and on the way I picked up my friend and took her to the beach to do a driving lesson, then I dropped her home and her parents were furious because I obviously don’t have a licence or insurance, and then I went to Rick's house to show him me driving, and then I told them I had to get home … and here I am.?

At this stage my father was purple in the face, fury flashing in his eyes, and my mother was apoplectic

It took me a couple of seconds to recognise these facts!

Dad: YOU’RE SOME FECKIN GENIUS.?

Now … you should know that in Ireland … not all geniuses are created equal. There is the good genius and the one that is about as stupid as you can get. The total opposite of genius, and said dripping with sarcasm.?

My father was absolutely calling me the latter. I finally realised what was happening and my bubble burst.?

Dad: YOU ARE GOING TO GET IN THAT CAR AND FOLLOW ME BACK TO THE BAR AND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO TELL THE OWNER AND BAR MANAGER YOU ARE SORRY AND THEN YOU WILL COME HOME WITH ME AND WE WILL DEAL WITH YOU.?

Gulp …

Me: FINE!!!?

Always good to double down when you’re 18, up shit creek without a paddle, and cocky … even when you don’t feel like it … right!!!! Never let them know you’re scared!!!!! Right?????????

I got in the car, followed my father to the bar, walked in with my head high but my tail between my legs, the polarity was intense, and the owner was behind the bar with the bar manager.?

I walked up to them and, with my father right behind me, said … hi guys, I am sorry, I stole the car and took it for a test run. Here are the keys.?

I looked around at my fathers face and there was a look of triumph on it, not that I had done the right thing, but that I was about to get my comeuppance.?

The 2 lads looked at me and said:

David: Does it drive ok??

Eh Yeah … I replied.?

Peter: Will it do til my car is delivered?

Eh … yeah for sure.?

Peter: Sound so, thanks for testing it and see you tomorrow for your shift.

Sooooo many emotions and reactions overtook me in the blink of an eye … I straightened my posture only to hunch over again, I smiled only to panic in the same instant and as I turned around to look at my father … I realised that …. I was screwed. Absolutely and totally screwed.?

He had fire in his eyes, and I knew I was for the chopping block as soon as we walked out the door.?

He about turned and marched out before me, I followed half sheepish and half proud-smug-peacock, and we drove home in absolute silence.?

We got home and not a word was said. I didn't know whether it was the anger that made him unable to say anything, or that he felt defeated, or that he was so flabbergasted at the outcome that he just had no words. But whatever it was … I escaped death for sure that evening.?

The following day I was read the riot act about being careful, not being reckless, understanding what could have happened and what would have happened if anything had gone wrong, and I was aware enough to know that everything they said was right, so I apologised for worrying them ( though they would have been none the wiser had I said nothing much ) and I swore I would never do anything like that again.?

I am very proud to say … I kept good on my word and never stole another car, went for another joy ride in a stolen car, picked up a hitchhiker and gave them a driving lesson, or mounted a wall on 2 wheels.?

There’s plenty of other things I have done but I didn’t do that! ( there’s a meatloaf song in there )

I learned a lot from that whole adventure

1. 1998 was such a great time to be alive, ‘car theft’, joyriding, and adventures were the vibe and I embraced that vibe wholeheartedly.
2. Being ‘too honest’ is totally unnecessary BUT .. it definitely makes for a fun time for all parties involved.?
3. My parents had enjoyed knowing very little about me up to that point, they happily went back to knowing very little about me after that point, and I was absolutely fine with that.?
4. Cheap cars are grand for a good time, but not a long time.?
5. No matter what, commit to your idea, take action and follow your adventures through to their culmination because you never know what the outcome is going to be if you don’t, and it's far better to ponder on the shit you did, rather than wonder about the shit you didn't. #noregrets

xoxo

Ciara

Now, with that in mind, get yourself into my workshop on Feb 27th where we will be working on sharing your most epic stories and adventures so you can put them somewhere your people can read them and injoy being part of your life.

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