Did I Do That?

From 1989 to 1998, the TV series "Family Matters" was a family sitcom that entertained millions of Americans. One of the most beloved characters was Steve Urkel, the nerdy, accident-prone neighbor who had a crush on Laura Winslow. One phrase, in particular, epitomized this humorous family series, and it was uttered by Urkel, in his classic nasally voice, after he caused yet another mishap in the Winslow family home, "Did I do that?"

At least Urkel was willing to ask the question.

Sadly, we see a growing trend of people who are unwilling to admit to their failures, own their mistakes, and accept personal responsibility for their actions. Unlike Urkel, it's easier to point the finger elsewhere - to blame someone or something other than yourself for the outcomes you're experiencing in your life.

What is missing in all of this is the opportunity for discovery and personal growth.

When you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failures and mistakes, you're essentially telling yourself that you're not to blame. And when you reject your role in bringing about the outcome, your brain simply accepts this as the normal course of action, an acceptable and desired outcome, and seeks to repeat it in the future.

Your brain essentially accepts the lie you're telling yourself and reinforces that behavior going forward. When you reject your part in making a mistake (or failing in some way), you're also rejecting the opportunity to learn what didn't work so you don't repeat that same mistake in the future.

You're setting yourself up for repeated failure in the future, again and again.

When you make a mistake or fail in some way, the first thing you should do is stop and ask yourself the very same question Steve Urkel asked, "Did I do that?'

If the answer is YES, then you've got to have that moment in the mirror with yourself to uncover WHY you failed, make a mistake, or erred in some way. Once you discover the WHY behind your failure, you can then examine the choices that lead to that outcome so you don't repeat them in the future.

You can now identify WHAT you need to do, going forward, so you don't repeat that same mistake in the future. You've discovered what doesn't work so you can focus your attention on the alternatives that can and do.

This is how you learn, grow, and become a better version of YOU!

You can walk down the same trail and fall in the same pit every single day. How is that helping you? At some point, you've got to admit what you're doing isn't working, and do something so you stop falling in. Find a way around the pit, build a bridge over the pit, or choose to go down a different trail.

Here's the problem with not accepting responsibility. You learn nothing and you keep experiencing the same failures over and over again. Remember, nothing changes until something changes. And change starts when you admit YOU made the mistake, and you start taking OWNERSHIP of your decisions.

So how do you stop this endless cycle of self-sabotage?

If you repeatedly find yourself at the scene of an accident, at some point you've got to ask if you're the cause of the accident. You've got to honestly ask yourself, "Did I do that?"

If the answer is YES, then you've got to then ask, "What thoughts did I think and what steps did I take that led me to this outcome?" You've got to identify the beliefs and behaviors that failed you in this moment.

"Have I taken these same steps before?" Remember, insanity is repeating the same behaviors again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Lastly, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this experience so I don't repeat this in the future?" This is the moment of reflection when you learn, grow, and improve.

And don't forget that success and failure are different sides of the same coin. Without failure, there would be no success (and vice versa). Leadership guru, John Maxwell, says to fail early, fail often, and fail forward.

Failing forward is honestly admitting, "Yes, I did that!"

Life will persistently present you with the lessons it wants you to learn. Wise people learn these life lessons early. Foolish people refuse to learn life's lessons and keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

You can't be a Black Belt Leader in Life if you keep failing your White Belt test.

It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, it matters how many times you get back up, dust off your gloves, and get back into the fight.

Own your failure, admit your mistakes, but don't let them define you. You may have failed, but you're only a failure if you fail to learn the lesson failure is trying to teach you.