That did not go well

“That did not go well.”

That is what I was saying to myself walking out of a conference room a few weeks ago. I had just finished giving the most important presentation in my professional life to high-level people and I missed the mark. I didn’t just miss the mark; I missed the entire target. If you were to rank all my presentations dating back to my one in 4th grade on dinosaurs, the one last week would be at the bottom of the list. How did I mess up this bad? I spent a lot of hours preparing for this, did my research, and felt good going into the presentation. What happened? As I headed back to my office, I had a strange feeling wash over me and it was very uncomfortable.

As I got back to my office, I went deep into my thoughts. I was replaying the entire presentation over in my head and where I went wrong. I kept telling myself that maybe I am overreacting. Maybe to the people in that room it wasn’t as bad as I think it was. My mind spent the rest of the day doing whatever it could do to protect itself from this uneasy feeling of distress. I was doing all I could do to push it away and ignore it.?

The next morning, I still had this very uncomfortable heavy feeling. The realistic side of my mind was saying, “You should feel this way because you messed up”. The optimistic side was still in protection mode and was saying, “You are just overreacting, everything is fine”. I had to break this stalemate, so I asked two people that were in the room for the presentation for feedback. They both confirmed the realistic side of my mind was right. I missed the entire target. My optimistic side conceded, and the anxious, heavy, uncomfortable feelings came crashing in.?

If you have seen my office, then you know I like to read. There are more than 70 books from just the past 2 years and a lot of them are on how the mind works when it comes to peak performance, grit, resilience, and the one I just finished up was on the science of real toughness. As I sat in my office surrounded by all these books, I knew if I did nothing then this negative feeling would just grow. It would become a heavy chain around my neck that would weigh me down. I had read all these books about failure and how to handle it. It was time put what I have learned into action, get rid of this feeling, and most importantly, I had to learn from this experience.

First thing I did was take full responsibility. It was just me that did all the research. It was just me that built the presentation. It was just me that kept the presentation the way it was even though a voice in the back of my head was uncertain about some parts of it (I should have listened to that voice). Finally, it was just me that gave the presentation. This was 100% on me.

Now that I took full ownership, the next thing I had to do was accurate label what I was feeling. Maybe I was just embarrassed? Or angry? Maybe it was something else? I looked at a chart of 100 different emotions and the one I kept coming back to was disappointed. I truly was disappointed in myself.?

Next it was time to dive into that feeling of disappointment and figure out what was the root cause. I replayed the presentation again in my head to pinpoint where I lost the audience. By spending time with the disappointment, I realized that if I would have just made a few changes, I believe the presentation would have hit the mark. I was too vague when I needed to be detailed at one part. There were also two parts that I should have just removed.?Just a few simple changes would have led to a different outcome. I failed to see and make these simple edits and that is why I was disappointed in myself. ??

Finally, I needed to close the loop on this personal After-Action Review. I learn by doing and the only thing I could think of was making those simple edits. I spent 30 minutes making a new presentation using the old one and when I was done, I emailed it off to those two trusted people that witnessed the presentation. I don’t know if they looked at it and it does not even matter. The moment I hit “send” on that email, the feeling of disappointment evaporated away because I had turned a negative experience into a moment of personal growth.

I am sharing my recent experience with you in case you run into a similar situation at some point in your life. Despite your preparation, your planning, and your experience, there probably will be times in your life that you mess up and fail. To come away with something good and grow follow the steps below. I hope it helps you like it helped me.?

1. Take full responsibility. Don’t look for excuses or other people to blame. Take an honest look at your actions and where you messed up.
2. Accurately label what you are feeling. Don’t just go to the first thing that pops into your head. Look up different emotions and their definitions. Once you can accurately label your emotion, then you are in power and able to take control of it.?
3. Discover the source. Spend the time you need to really understand what the root cause of your feeling is. It will be uncomfortable, but it is vital to do. Why are you feeling the way you do? Do not just spend time on the surface. Really go deep to understand the true cause.???
4. Figure out a way to learn from it and then move on.?No one likes to lose.?If you’re going to lose though, make sure you don’t lose the lesson. How can you learn from this moment and grow? Turning something negative into an opportunity for growth is one of the best ways to transcend the discomfort and learn from your experience. That lesson and moment of growth is what will allow you to move on.???