Did anything make you laugh today? Why the principle behind this question can help create more meaningful connection at work.

They say that it's better to ask children this question at the end of their day at school than ‘how was your day?’.

Why?

It’s more unexpected for a start so it piques interest. It’s also more specific which helps the mind search, recall, and focus and for those reasons, it’s easier to answer. It’s also an open question so it can’t be answered with a single-word response, which means it’s more of a conversation opener.

The positive focus of this question also helps the person being asked, to relax and we know that when we are relaxed, our minds are more open and receptive. This means in this case, that the child is more likely to follow up their answer with more insight about their day (as long as they aren’t worried they will be ‘told off’ for whatever they might share).

So how is knowing this helpful at work?

Because these same principles apply to us as adults.? Therefore, if we care about connecting with, and getting meaningful insight into the experiences of those we work alongside, then learning to ask great questions is invaluable.

Of course, not every question we ask must be answered, and respecting people’s right to privacy is essential. However, whilst still exercising our social intelligence and judgement and respecting boundaries, there is still so much scope to dig a little deeper. The art of asking great questions is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal when it comes to building meaningful connections.?

The equally important partner to great question-asking is ‘active listening’ i.e.: listening intently, with curiosity and an open-mind, without distraction or the intention to speak.

As a Coach, one of the most valuable things I’ve learnt over the last 15 years is the art of asking great questions and really listening to whatever comes back. This has benefitted me as much in my personal life as it has in my work.

So, with all of this in mind, in these last couple of weeks of 2023, have a think about the sort of questions that could give you more meaningful insight into each other. ?I’ve given a few examples below:

• What have your favourite experiences been at work this year and why?
• Who if anyone has positively influenced your experiences this year at work and why?
• If you could try out any other job for a month, which one would you try?
• What helped you through any challenges this year?
• What gave you the biggest sense of achievement or sense of growth this year?
• What's the smallest thing, that's made the biggest difference to you at work this year?
• If you could have an extra day added to each week, what would you do with it?

There are any number of questions like this that open minds and conversations whilst delivering valuable insights.? Get curious, look for what you may have in common, seek to learn a little more, leave judgement at the door, and by doing this you will not only help others feel more ‘seen’, but you will also be helping boost wellbeing on both sides.? ?

If you are a leader, questions like these are so valuable to use with your team, because they help you:

i)???????????????? Understand what energises, motivates, and brings different people a sense of achievement. The more you understand your team, the more likely you are to make choices that increase engagement, motivation, growth, and fulfilment. engage,

ii)??????????????? Identify ‘what worked’, to allow you to build on those positive building-blocks as a team. ?You can also use this positive energy and sense of competence around ‘what worked’ to then help address what might have worked less well.

iii)????????????? Remind yourself of positive outcomes or experiences that you may have been overlooked or forgotten.? This is particularly important if you or your team tend to have a single-minded focus on ‘what’s left undone or not yet finished’ (a narrow perspective which drains the life out employees, and teams.

Essentially asking better questions leads to a win-win for everyone – this applies to the questions we ask ourselves and the questions we ask in our relationships outside of work too.

"The most creative, successful people tend to be expert questioners. They’ve mastered the art of inquiry, raising questions no one else is asking—and finding powerful answers." In synopsis of Warren Berger's: A More Beautiful Question, Warren Berger.

An important caveat in talking about asking my meaningful questions is that when asking questions like this, we make it clear that we are not demanding an answer but that we are simply curious. There’s a big difference between curious question-asking and interrogation!

For questions like those above to be well received, there of course needs to be trust; for there to be trust, there needs to be a lack of judgment.? Plus, we need to be willing to be open and vulnerable ourselves in the questions we answer.

Of course, your questions also don’t have to ignore what hasn’t worked. It’s obviously important for people to be heard on that too. However, it’s important to remember that the questions we ask play a big role in determining the energy, focus and direction, of those we put them to. This means the questions we ask hold more power than we may realise and it’s why only digging into ‘what hasn’t worked’ in our questioning, doesn’t work.

This is one of the principles behind an Appreciative Inquiry approach, which is used by groups and organisations to improve energy, motivation, connection, collaboration, experiences, and outcomes. ?I’m a huge advocate of this approach and use it in my work with corporates and charities.?

To keep it simple, here are 3 things to keep in-mind to help you take a more Appreciative Inquiry approach:

o?? All too often, we don’t ask enough questions and the questions we ask aren’t good enough (think curious, specific, open).

o?? We forget the impact that a single question can have on those we put it to. A negatively framed question shifts our mind to focus on the negative and a positively framed question will shift the mind to focus on the positive; a leading question will make the respondent feel trapped or pre-judged and a more open, neutral question leaves room for genuine learning and connection.

o?? We often fail to realise what the questions we say about us.? We can no doubt all recall a time when someone else has asked us unhelpful questions because they have perhaps been catastrophising or ‘projecting’ their fears or experiences onto us.? In these cases, we normally find ourselves pulling away from the person asking the question and find ourselves learning more about them (due to the questions they asked us) than they did about us.?

With ‘better’ questions and more meaningful connection in mind, why not try stepping out of your comfort zone and using some of the questions above. If you do, I'd love to hear how it changes your conversations and connections.

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Asking better questions is just one aspect of the work I do with individuals and teams to help them boost how they feel, show up and perform.

?If you’re interested is finding out more about the coaching, courses, workshops and consulting I do, do get in touch.?

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