The Dichotomy of Sharing
Shared joy is double the joy, and shared sorrow is half the sorrow.
I read that this morning and I found it so very interesting and so very true. We have all read so many different things about the power of personal relationships and the importance to not walk alone. This one struck me in a little different way. In fact, it crystallized something that a great friend and mentor, Jerry Leachman, has shared with me: “weddings are optional, funerals are not.” In a literal and physical sense, you get to choose if and when to get married (optional), but we don’t get to choose if and when we die (not optional). From a relationship standpoint, however, it takes on an even deeper meaning. Showing up to a wedding exacerbates the celebration. The more, the merrier! But if you aren’t there, there is still joy. At a funeral, however, there is great sorrow, and your mere presence shares the burden and lets the family know they are not alone. It spreads the weight. Not optional.
In Ecclesiastes, it says “two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”
In my own life, being a Boston sports fan, I’ve had several opportunities to celebrate. World Series victories, Super Bowl wins (6 to be specific), NBA championships, etc. Watching those with family and friends have been a lot of fun and much more fun in a group, than the few I enjoyed by myself. Double Joy! That said, I don’t remember all the people I shared those times with. I will, however, never forget the deep friendships I formed with the few people who, when I was in the darkest, loneliest times of my life, just showed up to sit with me. To help me fix a fence, or work in the garden, or do nothing. Men I would do anything for as they showed up and carried my burden with me. Halved my sorrow. Not with magic words, as words never fill the void of grief, just presence.
In the simplest of examples, upon hearing of his friend Lazarus’ death, Jesus, the author of all words, simply showed up and wept. It was his presence that was needed, not his words.
In another teaching, Mr. Leachman says: “You can fake caring, but you can’t fake showing up.” Be aware of the people in your life that need you to show up.