Diary of a New Canadian: Biryani, Beaches and Bandits

Ever wondered what happens when East meets West? Here, I narrate, exaggerate and dramatize my real-life moments in Canada. Meant for immigrants and diversity enthusiasts, these lighthearted stories offer insight and amusement into cultural contrasts and personal adjustments (Gilmore et al., 2019). Blending heart and humor, facts and fiction (Bruce, 2019).

September 15: Arrived in Canada. On my first walk, I came across a dog leading to an impromptu tree-climbing session worthy of Olympic gold. Back in Pakistan, dogs are like mini dragons, but here, they're more pampered than royalty! My therapist, channeling her best Game of Thrones wisdom, insists I can walk past these fluffy beasts, like Khaleesi with her dragons (Rahman, 2023). Challenge accepted!

September 20: The beach here is a different galaxy! Pakistani beaches don't prepare you for the Canadian swimwear scene (Evolvi, 2019). Conscious of my modest outfit, I feel like an astronaut trying to find gravity on Planet Bikini. As if I'm broadcasting neon flashing warnings: 'Beware, modestly dressed alien approaching!' Fell asleep at the beach, dreaming of life without emotional labor (Faiz, 2023).

September 21: The apartment door is unnervingly quiet. In Pakistan, doors are a revolving stage bustling with drama and excitement,?like Broadway. New neighbors are a community event, with local 'auntie detectives' delivering dishes and gathering intel on the newcomer’s life story. In this Canadian quietude, my door seems to have embraced a monk's vow of silence, leaving me bewildered and craving some good old neighborly chatter. I’m oscillating between relief and yearning for the sweet chaos of Pakistani neighborly love – where's my welcome platter of biryani? I can hear my stomach rumbling louder than Niagara Falls – missing Pakistani cuisine already (Scholliers, 2001).

October 10: ChatGPT's ghost waltzed in today, mistaking the maple leaves by the doormat for a red carpet. With a few keystrokes, voilà – I'm transformed into a digital Shakespeare, all thanks to this cyber Merlin (Hwang et al., 2023)! No more proofreading woes and hello, free time!

October 11: Decided to try kite-flying with my son, aiming to hitch a ride to Pakistan. But alas, our kite, a true Canadian patriot, refused with a polite flutter. Next time, I plan to woo it with promises of reducing its carbon footprint – a surefire way to a Canadian kite's heart!

October 17: Spotted a family BBQing – a casual Canadian pastime, apparently. Where I'm from, that's a sign of either charity or no power at home!

October 24: A knock at my door had me leaping like a contestant on a game show, expecting free food from the neighbors. Instead, it was just the shuffle of furniture next door (Sadia, 2020). Ouch. That hurt. Time to check if Canadian insurance covers the heartbreak of unmet food expectations!

November 1: Tried small talk with a potential friend at the beach. Her curiosity over my lack of swimwear left me fumbling for words, just as a crab heroically scuttled in, saving me from a tongue-tied moment.

Now, I owe these crabs a feast – maybe biryani, but hold the spices. I can't have them queuing up for Canadian healthcare; the wait is longer than a Canadian winter!

November 6: Still feeling out of place. I tried convincing our eco-conscious kite for a lift back home. Rejected for being too heavy (Ferdinands et al., 2022) – is this kite's way of saying I need a gym membership? Next time, I’ll wrap my request in that classic Canadian politeness. "Dear Kite, care to reduce our carbon footprint with a little trip?"

December 22: Dolled up and ready to impress, I rang the neighbor's doorbell, only to witness a magic act of disappearing neighbors. Where's the Pakistani-style open house, the endless cups of simmering chai and juicy chatter. Here, it seems my doorbell is an invisibility spell.

December 27: My birthday. A perfect setup for a sentimental family reunion on FaceTime, but lo and behold, the Wi-Fi decided it was the ideal time for a game of hide-and-seek. Left without Wi-Fi, went to the library to play local board games with my son. Started with Connect4. My son is a champion in strategy, and I'm humorously reminded of the brain cells I’ve traded for motherhood and adapting to a new country.

January 1: New Year's resolution: tackle the expanding Canadian waistline. Doctor's prescription? Cut down on double dinners, join the cult of multivitamins. Submissiveness is in my blood, who am I question the doctor.... (Mirza, 2020). My shopping list now reads like a Canadian health blog, kale, blueberries and salmon. O Canada, what are you doing to my taste buds!

January 12: Out for a walk, dodging dogs and seeking human connection. Stumbled upon a woman sprinting with the speed of a cheetah. Concerned for her safety, I launched into heroic pursuit, chasing after her. We could have set world records for the longest, most confused run in history. When I finally caught up, panting like a steam engine, she cheerfully explained, "Just my daily run!" Note to self: In Canada, sprinting is less about fleeing danger, more about chasing health.

February 16: Behold, a shiny new grill – a gift from a friend who casually said, "Just leave it on the patio." Clearly, she's never experienced the great Pakistani nightly phenomenon, where anything not bolted down is fair game for disappearing acts. That night, I stood guard like a ninja facing invisible bandits, leaping at every shadow. Come morning, the grill was still mine, and I'd tackled a pile of grading so big it rivaled the Rocky Mountains. O Canada, indeed, you stand guard for thee – and my grill!

March 23: Lingered at work to compensate for the Wi-Fi fiasco at home. Bumped into a colleague from India. Her lunch? Biryani! Suddenly, decades of cricket rivalry dissolved. We turned into two unofficial peace ambassadors, united by the power of spices, bonding over layers of rice. If this isn't a recipe for world peace, I don't know what is – just waiting for that Nobel nod!

March 30: On my usual 'totally-not-spying' neighborhood stroll, I witnessed a move-out. In Pakistan, moving is an epic saga featuring a small army of family muscle. Orders are given, chaos ensues, and complaints are mandatory. In Canada, professional movers are silent, non-fussed, and swift, like a Swiss watch. Curiosity got the better of me, and the cost they quoted was a reality check – it's like paying a king's ransom for modern minimalist art! Amidst the swirling maple leaves and the quiet hum of the neighborhood, a poem began to form in my mind, capturing the essence of my immigrant journey:

Will you now stop your talk,

Of my brown accent, hair, and eyes,

There's no need to list all I've survived.

But,

If you wish to praise me at all,

You may quote my energy,

And if you seek to add flavor,

Please speak of my soul.

Forget history, forget ancestry,

Place my humor in your memory.

Note:

Inspired by Diary of a Snow Shoveler.

Read more in the series:

Diary of a new Canadian: Spice and Snow

Diary of a new Canadian: From chai to coffee

Diary of a new Canadian: Blisters, Books and Blossoms

Diary of a new Canadian: Puzzles, Passions and Poutine

Questions, doubts, or personal anecdotes? Feel free to comment or message me. Your insights are appreciated.

Thank you for engaging.

References

• Bruce, T., 2019. The case for faction as a potent method for integrating fact and fiction in research. Innovations in narrative and metaphor: Methodologies and practices, pp.57-72.
• Evolvi, G. (2019). The veil and its materiality: Muslim women’s digital narratives about the burkini ban. Journal of Contemporary Religion, 34(3), 469-487. https://doi.org/10.1080/13537903.2019.1658936
• Faiz, R. (2023). My first Little Black Dress: A Muslim immigrant woman academic's reflection on entanglement of esthetic labor and emotional labor at a White dinner. Gender, Work & Organization, 30(3), 1142-1147. https://doi.org/10.1111/gwao.12982
• Ferdinands, A. R., McHugh, T. L. F., Storey, K., & Raine, K. D. (2022). Reflections on applying institutional ethnography in participatory weight stigma research with young women. International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 21, Article 16094069221100939. https://doi.org/10.1177/16094069221100939
• Gilmore, S., Harding, N., Helin, J. and Pullen, A., 2019. Writing differently. Management Learning, 50(1), pp.3-10. https://doi.org/10.1177/1350507618811027
• Hwang, S. I., Lim, J. S., Lee, R. W., Matsui, Y., Iguchi, T., Hiraki, T., & Ahn, H. (2023). Is ChatGPT a “Fire of Prometheus” for non-native English-speaking researchers in academic writing? Korean Journal of Radiology, 24(10), 952-959. doi:10.3348/kjr.2023.0773
• Mirza, N. (2020). Navigating the everyday as middle-class British-Pakistani women: Ethnicity, identity and belonging. Springer Nature.
• Rahman, A. (2023). Women and Madness in Game of Thrones: A Feminist Critique. Crossings: A Journal of English Studies, 14, 84-96. https://doi.org/10.59817/cjes.v14i.484
• Sadia, T. (2020). Exploring the design preferences of neurodivergent populations for quiet spaces. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.31224/osf.io/fkaqj
• Scholliers, P. (2001). Meals, food narratives, and sentiments of belonging in past and present. In P. Scholliers (Ed.), Food, Drink and Identity.