Diary of An Isolated Director: Week Who Knows: It has been a funny old week!

Hasn't been a funny old week? And I don't think I am alone with what I see on social media and heard via my nearest and dearest.

I put it down to the confusing messages we have had from the powers that be of which, in typical British humour memes have risen out of the shit storm to bring some light relief. 

But it is only light and isn't really enough. It seems to me fear is the overriding emotion.

Fear of:

• Not knowing how to get to work.
• Should you take your kids to school (if applicable to you) because we know that 4-year-olds are great at listening and social distancing - and do you even want to put your child under that stress if you have been shielding them from the horrors of the world?
• If your children are not in that first part of the phased return, how can you work? Are your employers being flexible or making you use your holiday allowance?
• Financial and job security worries.
• Fear of COVID-19.

It is an increasingly stressful time. We are all feeling it - so it is now that we need to up the self-care and not feel guilty in doing that. 

STOP

I don't hide the fact that I meditate, and yesterday I did one of the Calm meditations on stress. They talked about a brilliant analogy when you are feeling overwhelmed with 'stress'. And that is STOP.

S: Stop what you are doing

T: Take a moment

O: Observe what you are feeling and why

P: Proceed knowing that you are in control of your response

Simple. And simplicity is what we need right now.

Disclaimer

I feel I have to note here that I am not a stress or wellbeing expert, this is all from personal experience and practice. Also, from three years of counselling and two years of mindful work.

Different ways we let stress in

Other people.

I feel myself getting stressed just because someone else is. And that is ok, as a problem shared is a problemed halved and all that. But it does mean I have to first recognise I have taken on stress this then release it to feel better. 

My favourite ways of doing that are meditating, writing them down to get them out and burning. Yep, burning. Writing down what I am letting go of and popping it in my incinerator is incredibly satisfying.

What is consumed?

I don't watch the news. I only started watching it at the start of COVID and quickly stopped when Boris went into intensive care. Everything was impacting my mental health. Social media is also a considerable offender of stress. 

Thankfully this piece of personal advice is easy. Mute, unfollow, turn off, remove the apps - do what you need. 

Turn off the stress noise. 

I make sure that work apps do not alert me after working hours. I then have the rest of my apps turn off by 8pm, so I don't feel compelled to pick the phone up as notifications ping up. Actually some apps I have turned the notifications off altogether. I also have a work phone with work apps beeping and flashing and my usual phone where all notifications are off!

Different types of stress.

Not all stress is bad. 

I can actually thrive off it if it is the right type of stress. 

Strong woman competition prep, onboarding new clients, personal growth, hitting send on a pitch... they all trigger a stress response. But the good kind.

Similarly, you need to recharge and recover. Whether that is a massage, celebrating with a coffee or whatever. But, isn't it strange that we seem to be better at doing it when it is good stress rather than stopping, recognising and healing from the negative type.

Boundaries are key.

Again, I am not an expert boundary setting, but I have had to rebuild mine over the last 3 years as I moved into the world of co-parenting, solely running a household, growing a business and all the other life stuff that has happened.

If I hadn't set and reset my boundaries during this time, I would not have coped at all. There are days where I haven't (Tuesday was one). There are still days when I feel I can't, but that is often because I have not respected my own boundaries. My essential but straightforward boundaries are:

• Working hours & digital curfew
• The amount of sleep I need to function (8 hours)
• Eating well (80/20)
• Regular counselling (bi-weekly ideally)
• Doing something for me that brings me joy (Strong Woman stuff & the recovery for that training / going out with my friends/binge-watching TV / listening to and watching comedy - currently loving Evil Genius by Russell Kane)
• Getting out into nature (even if it is the garden)
• Having me-time to recharge
• Family comes first

If I abuse these simple boundaries (or allow others to) - I suffer. Which means my son, work output and everything else suffers. As soon as I reset these, everything starts to slot back into place.

But it starts with me. If I don't set expectations, then I leave my boundaries open to interpretation which never ends well.

So what has boundaries have to do with fear and stress? Well, if I can enforce and hold firm boundaries during this time, I can deal with the stress. 

Sometimes that can be the hardest thing to do as others are hustling or juggling everything (seemingly perfectly) 24/7. I can't do that, and I am not ashamed to say or admit it (and neither should you be). Actually, you will feel better when you do, and your adrenal glands will thank you for it.

Happy Friday - I hope you take some time to recharge this weekend and do something that brings you utter joy.

Stay safe

Nat

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