Diary of a Beginner Painter

Friday, April 19, 2024–4:52 a.m.

I’ve been journaling since 1980. It’s one of the best ways to work through my head trash.?

I decided to leap into vulnerability and reveal how I keep a diary. I journal through everything with the Creator I struggle to know.

Sitting, writing, and journaling is like talking with the Creator if you believe in a power greater than yourself.

It’s incredibly therapeutic. You'll notice I take a personal approach, one with humor and humility.

I recently wrote a similar diary-like article on Substack, Diary of a Homebody on Vacation, about our family vacation to Hawaii.

I'm having fun with these.

So, here we go with another diary or journal entry.

Good morning, God. Thanks for another day of trying to figure out the freak show called Humanity. Thanks for helping me work through my head trash as I journal with you. You always show me the way.

I’m grateful to you for everything, including the suck I’ve been feeling lately as an artist. What’s bugging me is that I’m going backward with my painting progress.

Before I rant, thanks for safely getting the family home from Hawaii. Now that I’ve had a few days to recover from the Red Eye flight from hell, I had a great night’s sleep. I bounced up at 3 a.m. with the will to paint.

Thanks for not letting me drive a paintbrush through my throat earlier today. After painting two piles of utter nonsense, I figured it was time to write.

I know, I know. Patience is a virtue.?

Well, if it’s true, you know every hair on my head; you must have a sense of humor because being patient has never been one of my gifts.?

And you want me to become a painter??

Another art beyond writing and photography?

I suppose you want me to learn patience before I get home, but it’s hard down here, especially when I want to be good at something like painting.

Here’s what I wonder?…

Why should I expect to be good at painting or anything else besides my pride or ego?

This whole artist thing can be blissful, but yesterday, I caught myself comparing my work to other artists and felt like quitting. The comparison game is a slippery slope into an abyss, so thanks for keeping my head out of that nonsense.

Is it my will or yours that I want to paint better? I've fallen in love with learning to paint, and it can’t be a coincidence if it’s true there are no coincidences.

Am I on the right path with this painting thing??

Is it selfish of me to spend so much time alone figuring out another art form??

Shouldn’t I be out more in the community doing something useful to help others??

Maybe it’s time to return to more volunteer work, and I give up this painting thing.

I don’t know, Lord! What I do know is that you know all.?

I trust you to guide me and give me the courage not to quit painting and flamethrow the entire art studio sitting in the corner of my tiny office in our tiny, humble, beautiful home.?

State Farm wouldn’t like that, and Janice would be sad.

It’s still frustrating not to know who I am as a painter, what medium I want to use consistently, or how to produce art that people love to buy so I can become a full-time painter and writer later in life.?

I know. I’m searching on the outside by reading too many art books and watching countless BoobTube videos, and you tell me to “search within.”?

Let me remember where to seek! This game of life thing is an inside job. I already feel better talking this through with you.?

Thanks for guiding me through the next phase of painting and granting me the power of radical acceptance as I fail forward like a committed beginner. You've said that all masters see themselves as beginners. Keep me humble, and reveal my pride so I may dismiss it.

Let me never quit. Let me completely turn the creative flow over to you so I can follow you instead of trying to take the reins. Keep me curious. Keep me in the light. Please show me the way to proceed.

Thank you, Father. You’ve given me everything, and I’m grateful for everything, even though it may not seem that way sometimes.

The sun is almost up. It’s a great day to ride my bicycle before the workday kicks in. Keep me safe, please.

Thanks, Lord, for protecting me today, keeping me healthy, and showing me the way.

Thanks for reading my article, commenting, and sharing. This article was originally published on Medium. When not coaching and advising emerging entrepreneurs, business owners, and investors, I help people “Discover the art of life” by writing, speaking, coaching, and advocating for mental wealth and well-being. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com, or subscribe to The Clarity Letter on Substack.