Dialectic Leadership

A way forward through this Covid-19 Craziness, to the other side and hopefully beyond!

I’ve been reflecting these days.

Of course, I know I’m not the only one here!

How did we get here?

How can it be that the largest economy in the world, often times touted as the most stable and most dynamic, be cut to a standstill in just a couple of weeks! Only to find ourselves at the edge of an economic cliff hoping the train doesn’t fall into the precipice?!

It just does not make sense!

Perhaps the American Economy is not as great and not as stable as we thought?

And so, not being an economist or a politician but a practitioner and student of leadership, psychology, collaboration, and human development, I believe a major reason for where we are is simply a lack of leadership.

And NO, NOT the kind of leadership you may be thinking of, e.g. "leadership for leaders", instead the kind that is for all of us, leadership in the day-to-day.

A leadership capacity of a more modern form. One that requires more courage, more directness and frankly more thinking and talking with others.

What I thought to name as “Dialectic Leadership”.

Please, please, this is not another “fad” concept or “marketing buzzword” of leadership, so I can sell you my services. Call it what you will. The act is more important than the name.

Instead this kind of leadership is simply pointing toward a journey.

A journey open for anyone to take, regardless of your place in society and the size of your bank account. If you have people who report to you at work or not, whether you’re the CEO or the Uber driver, Dialectic Leadership is a journey for all, in all of life’s circumstances and challenges. Especially today!

You may ask yourself, what’s the hell is “dialectic”. Let’s start with that.

Dialectic is when you have two opposing forces which are seemingly impossible to take a decision on, at least on the surface.

These can include for example:

• judgment vs. acceptance, independence vs. connectedness,
• inclusion vs. seclusion, revelation vs. concealment,
• openness vs. closeness, individual needs vs. group needs,
• the old vs. the new, change vs. keeping things as they are.

I know, I know, this is a bit too conceptual!

Perhaps more real and more poignant examples are needed (but please don’t shoot the messenger!):

• Do we invest in defense or in education? (power vs. care)
• Can you just say anything to any one in defense of free speech, or are there limits? (expression vs. holding back)
• Is everything Trump says wrong or does he make a point I can agree with? (to agree with vs. disagree with and perhaps to like someone vs. or to dislike them)
• I’m a democrat, so therefore I can’t agree with anything a republican says, or vice-versa. (identify with vs. be open to something)
• Do we bail out companies or invest in people who lost their jobs due to Covid-19? (groups vs. individuals, / have vs. have nots)
• American Capitalism vs. Swedish Socialism (individual vs. collective)

As you read this, you may come to realize that perhaps you ‘fall’ on one side or the other in some of these difficulty topics. Are you sure? So sure, you are stuck? These choices don’t just relate to these larger societal issues we hear about in the news.

They are hitting us square in the face, in the right here and now, in our very own communities!

Even today (right this minute as I write this article), I received an email from my hair studio, where they mention they will not be able to pay rent, buy groceries or pay their employees, due to the closures!

So, do they go to their landlord and try to work something out? Talk with them to find common ground? Or does this simply resort to legal issues and power-dynamics between the tenant and landlord – the beginnings of a failed society?

Can there be another way forward? At least I think so, yes, by practicing Dialectic Leadership.

What does Dialectic Leadership actually look like?

Taking the example of my hair salon, they have many options to work with. One is a path toward power politics, lawyers and legal letters, the other is a path toward conversation, mutual understanding in light of shared challenges, trying to find common ground, payment planning, payment deferral and perhaps even payment forgiveness.

After-all, some would say the wealthy (e.g. landlord) should take the higher burden to maintain a balanced healthy society (keep reading). Still they could ask their clients to prepay for services, which they have done by the way. Because they are part of the system of relationship.

I don’t have the answer to the final outcome, that’s up to them and their process to work through. What I do advocate is “a way” to journey forward to find the solution - together.

That way involves engaging in the conversation through the dialectic, in relationship with another person or persons.

What are some practices Dialectic Leadership is asking to employ that my hair salon and you can apply:

• Maintaining communication and engaging in real dialogue. The hair salon meeting with the landlord, hair stylists and customers to find a way forward.
• Keeping some emotional distance but not too much that no-one is there to talk with – emotional regulation and connection. Sharing the gravity and difficulty we are all facing so we can find a way forward.
• Courage to express what is below the surface so that it can be worked through. This could be anything from past disagreements to what the hair salon is dealing with in the here and now.
• Seeing the interconnections and the possibilities, what keeping the salon in business can look like and be for the community as a whole.
• Being open to learning something new from the others person. Understanding the agreements and responsibilities that the landlord also has to their bank and creditors. Realizing the difficulties across the system.
• Breaking through the fear that the other person will be pissed off with what you say, may attack you or disagree with you in some way. Communicating respectfully, sharing what you think and feel, and stating what you are going through.
• Acting and learning from action with others. Trying out things together that may work.

Certainly, there are many others, this is not a treatise but “a way”.

Even in the more day-to-day, Dialectic Leadership is about having conversations with others about things that really matter, rather than staying away from religion and politics, its about engaging in the true discourse of dialogue and discussion.

Like an Argentine friend of mine recently said to me, “can’t we still get along and be friends even if we don’t agree?”. At least have the conversations right-or-wrong on any topic in the here and now, rather than staying in the safe-place of placid non-engagement.

Dialectic Leadership is rather a contrasting journey we can all take, and one that in the end could be more rewarding.

Instead of taking one side or the other, because we have ‘thought about all the options in our own heads,’ it’s deciding on a different path forward from which we can all traverse, through the middle path in conversation, discussion, dialogue and frankly honest disagreement between these opposing forces that never go away.

What's at stake here?

Perhaps we may find some common ground, a place from which to cooperate and find a place for our differences with greater acceptance of our mutual limits.

In this middle path, is where life is experienced and perhaps a true path forward discovered!

A place, where we can satirically say to each other “sometimes life just drives me crazy” and like a Russian friend of mine recently said, “life at the end of the day, will kill you”. Voltaire’s Candide certainly comes to mind!

God for all we know a virus comes from now-where, “yes even from China but not from the Chinese” and pauses us to think, “What is this life we are all living truly about?” What do we truly want from this life we are living?” and "With whom are we living this life?"

I end this simplest of most complex posts, and leave you with this final note on what to keep an eye out to discern for yourself if Dialectic Leadership is present or lacking.

• It’s lacking if there is no laughter and no joking around, if the contrary is true, there is Dialectic Leadership going on.
• It’s present when there is understanding why decisions are taken, what was meant to be avoided and what was meant to be created. On the contrary, it’s lacking when there is no revealing as to why something happened, why you think what you think, so that we all understand, both when speaking at a podium or at the bar.
• It’s missing if there is not back and forth between questioning, making responses, taking in the other person’s point of view and reverting back. On the other hand, it’s present if the reverse is experienced and time flies, people are in flow and something new emerges from the interactions.
• It’s there when statements like, “I understand where you are coming from, you are saying…” happen. Not there when there is no acknowledgement of the other person’s point of view and standpoint. When it’s there you know it.
• It’s happening when you look at the watch and wow several hours have flown by! And you don’t want to leave. It’s not there when there is no life, time seems as though it will never move on, its painful for everyone. You are bored, stuck in the routine, and may even feel “bottled up”.

What comes up for you as you read this post?

How can you express Dialectic Leadership in your day-to-day and in this craziest of crazy times?

What can you start doing and stop doing for the good of all of us in this journey together?

Do share your thoughts please, I want to know. Let's take this step forward together to pull us up and over this mountain.