Diagnosis: Necessary, But Secondary

My friend Rob Gorski and I were recording a podcast episode for his podcast recently and he had several questions from his community Facebook group that was aimed at autism dads.

One, in particular, is something that is worth a bit more discussion - and should serve as a reminder to both parents and professionals.

What would be the best advice you could give as a Dad of an autistic kid?

I had to pause for a moment, as there has been a theme with my own son that keeps peeking out, especially these past few years.

You see, we often discuss the diagnosis. Getting one, needing one, finding services, providing services, getting that case work done. Talking with doctors, educators, therapists, professionals, coworkers, family, and friends.

But we missed it, entirely. It seems we all focus on those check-boxes to get things done. And our kids may be suffering because of it. I'm speaking as a parent, and I have to say that I've often failed in this.

What have we missed? Where have we failed?

This may hit pretty close to us as it's a part of what we have to address when providing for our #autistic or #specialneeds kids: we've focused on the limitations, the lack, and the inability.

With this focus, we tend to aim and fill those gaps in development, with the goal of obtaining a sense of normalcy like other people. But in doing so we've created new gaps in the process, and as a result, it may feel at times like we're fighting an uphill battle.

We often forget the most important thing in the process of being that parent, that professional, that friend, and to be that kind and caring human being... and as a result, we've made the diagnosis the primary issue, and the major talking points to discuss.

This effort to focus on the diagnosis and to work with our kids is great, but we have to remember something first - the diagnosis is necessary - but it's also secondary.

I've seen it time and again, even within myself, that we limit the kids in our care by our own assumptions of their limitations, rather than work on how amazing they are by actually building and having a relationship with them.

Just like parenting any other kid, our autistic kids deserve the same amount of respect and understanding. Working on discovering how amazing our autistic kids are is eye-opening.

I learned this about my own son. He invites us into his world if only we would pay attention and listen.

He may not currently have the ability to talk like we do, but he speaks volumes through his actions. I've discovered the amount of empathy he has for people is incredible. He feels, he sees, he understands. His capacity to live in the moment and observe everything is fascinating. He sees things we often don't, and as such he often reacts and responds like the canary in a mine. If we don't pay attention, we miss it altogether to the canary's detriment.

That lack of a filter many on the spectrum often have has allowed him to connect things much quicker. This has a lot of benefits, but also comes at a cost. For my son, that cost has been the challenge to easily communicate in a way that we understand. For others, it may be something completely different.

As we've made being a parent a priority and making sure we keep anything associated with the diagnosis label in check, our minds have opened up to who he really is - and what his interests are.

I can only suggest doing likewise by keeping your minds open.

To parents, I will always remind them that their kid is still their kid - get to know them. They have likes and dislikes just like any other kid. They have passions and interests and questions, just like any other kid.

Having a diagnosis can open a lot of doors and opportunities for services. It can also explain why someone is the way they are, and why they act the way they do. But it doesn't define who they are, their interests, and their passions. This can only be discovered by just being that parent or loved one who wants to know more about what their kid is interested in.

To professionals, remember these are kids. Yes, ones who may need a bit of extra help navigating a few challenges so they can handle whatever the world gives them the best way possible... but kids nonetheless.

I'm incredibly encouraged by teachers and therapists who have reached out to me with inspiring stories of how kids in their care have encouraged them to keep doing the work that they do.

I'd LOVE to hear more of them, and feel free to leave a comment as to how a kid has encouraged you. Of course, you don't need to share their name, but sharing the situation or circumstances may be of encouragement to others. In this crazy world, we could all use a bit of positivity, right?

I look forward to sharing more on this subject in an upcoming Autisable-Dads-Podcast .

Now for the Podcast News…

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And now, for more!

Sometimes an individual and organization need a bit of a shoutout, as they are making great strides in helping the autism community in some way. Here is this week's highlight:

1. Rob Gorski - my friend and fellow Autism Dad. You can find him at The Autism Dad, LLC and hear him on his podcast The Autism Dad, available on most streaming services.
2. Autism Radio?- with their flagship show HOPE Saves the Day, hosted by Paul Cimins is on iHeart Radio nationwide, and their podcast is on many streaming platforms. They help many autism families with a variety of services available nationwide!
3. MyABA.Today?- a recommended directory for families to find ABA Therapists. Also, a means for families to rate and review practices. Are you an ABA Therapist? Join and Create your listing for FREE.
4. MySLP.Today?- a recommended directory for families to find a speech therapist. Also, a means for families to rate and review therapists. Are you a Speech Pathologist? Join and Create your listing for FREE.
5. MSP Design Group?- a promotional marketing company that helps you sell more of your product or service, engage with prospects, influencers, and your community and motivate your employees.?

Thank you again for subscribing and being a part of this journey.