Diagnosing and Disarming Bullies in the Legal Workplace
While my EstrinReport article focuses on the legal field/law firm, workplace bullying is a critical issue, with psychological and economic consequences, for the private, public, and non-profit sectors. And in the current adversarial political climate, this topic is never more relevant!
By Mark Gorkin,?MSW, LICSW, “The Stress Doc” ?
In a recent exchange with my dear friend and colleague, Chere Estrin, CEO of Estrin Legal Staffing, she expressed palpable concern about the number of job candidates she and colleagues have encountered who painfully share about bullying in the workplace.??Further, these candidates don’t identify these incidents as bullying.??Many of them think it’s the way law firms are, the insane billable hours demand, or Mr. So-and-So, “doesn’t get along with his staff” or “can’t keep a legal assistant.”??But too often, no one does anything about it.??Why can’t they keep a legal assistant???No one asks, and no one explains the bottom-line truth. Why should they? This is probably a star or heavy rainmaker. Why lose them?
The firms just replace.??Either the law firm or, sadly, the candidates themselves, think their skills are inadequate even if those skills were more than adequate in previous positions.??It isn’t until Chere asks the question, “Do you think you are being bullied?” that it dawns on the candidate.??The bottom line:??Firms brush off this hostile behavior, claiming, “This is the culture” or (proudly),??“It’s a tough firm”. And, naturally, no one calls it bullying.??As Chere noted:??“This article will shed a light on?the law firm’s dirty little secret.”
What is bullying?
According to Dr. Google, “Bullying is when people repeatedly and intentionally use words or actions against someone or a group of people to cause distress and risk to their well-being.??These actions are usually done by people who, 1) have more influence or power, 2) who want to aggrandize their sense of power or superiority, or 3) who want to make someone else feel less powerful or helpless.”
Bullies certainly may have had aggressive and punitive families or school/peer role models growing up, or during their formative professional years.??Bullies often learn that intimidation works.??In addition, the bully may also have substance abuse issues, mental health and anger issues, entitlement and narcissism issues, home stress, and more.??And, alas, instead of dealing with themselves honestly, getting professional help, these tormentors displace their pain and chaos on others!??Their targets are usually in a subordinate or less powerful position.
Types of bullying
When noting the main types of bullying, we run the gamut from the interactional to the technical.??The three main types are:
Specific bullying behavior
The Australian Human Rights Commission (htpps://humanrights.gov.au) fleshes out the above.
“Bullying behavior can range from very obvious verbal or physical assault to very subtle psychological abuse. This behavior may include:?
There are a range of psychological and physical illnesses and injuries that can be caused by exposure to a bully in the workplace, including anxiety disorders, stress, depression and insomnia.
Economic cost
“A recent impact and cost assessment calculated that workplace bullying costs Australian employers between $6–$36 billion dollars every year when hidden and lost opportunity costs are considered.??Google states the damage is ten-fold in the US.??Workplace bullying costs the US economy $360 billion annually due to turnover and decreased work productivity.”
More specifically, “the effects on a workplace can include decreased productivity, increased staff absenteeism, staff turnover and poor morale. Financial costs can include legal and workers’ compensation and management time in addressing cases of workplace bullying” (Australian Human Rights Commission).
Why is the legal profession and law firm often a breeding ground for bullying?
Frankly, I think the answer is pretty straight-forward.??Much of the legal field thrives on an adversarial and “survival of the fittest” culture.??Too often ultra-competitive/Type A/narcissistic personalities go unchecked, if not become lionized.??While fighting for a client may be a virtue, when you can’t deferentially manage adversarial adrenaline and aggression, collateral damage from the boardroom to the bedroom is predictable.??(In addition, I believe some folks are addicted to their volatile and violent reactions.)
Legal rainmakers, senior partners who bring in client money, are often allowed to intimidate associates or non-partner attorneys and other legal professionals; their bullying behavior (and overall hostile/dysfunctional personality) is overlooked or rationalized away because of their financial status.??And, not surprisingly, many associates and non-lawyers fear reprisal, demotion, and other adversarial reactions standing up to the senior bully.??Partners don’t have their backs.??When partners tolerate a culture of bullying/abuse, they are undermining company morale along with their own leadership credibility.??And you are burning out and encouraging turnover among employees!
Significant numbers of women (and numbers of men) are turned off by the adversarial/”dog-eat-dog” or “win at all costs” culture.??And, further exacerbating this hyperaggressive atmosphere: Are we surprised that execs are emulating Trumpist bullying behavior???(Of course, bullies can be of collegial variety.??As a US Postal Service Violence Prevention Consultant, I recall how a Plant Manager egged on two employees to make life miserable for a third employee, “a slacker” in the Manager’s eyes.??This workplace persecution continued until one of the bullying colleagues, a former Green Beret, threatened the third employee with a gun.??Ultimately, this dangerous aggressor had to be removed from the premises by police.??All employees at the facility were now feeling threatened, hence the need for a trauma consultant.
A point worth noting:??Many people refer to bullying as harassment or discrimination. However, while the effects are essentially the same, bullying may?not?be unlawful under federal and state antidiscrimination legislation unless the bullying is linked to, or based on, one of the attributes covered by various federal anti-discrimination legislation (age, sex, race, disability, religion, sexual orientation)
Three case examples and a quip
Here are some case examples of how individual employees have responded to workplace bullying:
1.?Standing up to a senior bully.??A female junior attorney was being called names and cursed at by a volatile senior partner.??Apparently, this was not the first time that she was targeted by this attorney.??(I believe the Legal Administrator recommended just trying to avoid this bully.??Obviously, the Administrator did not want to confront the in-house dysfunction.)??Spontaneously raising her voice but not losing control, this female attorney declared:??“I don’t allow my family to talk to me that way… You certainly are not going to do it.”??She understood that no job is worth such harassing behavior.??Not anticipating her courageous counterpunch, the senior partner, unexpectedly backed off.??Alas, this predator pursued other easier targets.
2. Meeting attorney hostility with a defensive reaction.??I recall in a workshop a paralegal sharing of how an attorney was excoriating him for a late filing of a court document.??This paralegal was frustrated by the attorney’s attacking barrage; also, he was rightly upset because the attorney procrastinated for days in completing the document.??The paralegal eventually fired back:??“It’s not my fault; you don’t know how to give instructions.”??The conflict was left unresolved.??
The paralegal was using blaming communication to counter the attorney’s hostility.??Instead of using ‘acc-you-sations,’ i.e., “you don’t know how to…,” I suggested saying, “Let’s stop the yelling and blaming and deal with this conflict professionally.??Clearly, there was a misunderstanding; we need better communication to get on the same page.??We need to check in about document progress before the last minute.”??Eventually, perhaps begrudgingly, the paralegal acknowledged that this approach would be more constructive, perhaps even effective.
3. Manager vs. manager conflict.??This tense scenario involves two managers, one female and one male, at a federal government agency. This was not the first time there was friction between these individuals.??During a workshop, the female manager shared a recent incident feeling browbeaten by the male manager.??He would constantly interrupt her, cut her off when speaking, talked and yelled over her, and demeaned her.??Definitely bullying behavior.??She told this male colleague she was ending this barrage.??She was not being heard; and she was not feeling respected.??The woman would be willing to try, one more time, having a professional discussion.??And she liked my suggestion, that, “If they were not able to have civil discourse, she would openly declare her intention to go to HR and ask for third-party intervention/mediation.”
4. A final smart quip.??With the individual who blames with, “You drive me crazy!”, how about this edgy response:??“I think you’re giving me way too much credit!”??Consider this succinct insight penned by psychiatrist, Ernst Kris:??“What was once feared and is now mastered is laughed at.”??And as the Stress Doc inverted, “What was once feared and is laughed at, is no longer a master!”??Amen and women, to that!
About Our Guest Writer
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, “The Stress Doc” ??
Mark Gorkin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an accaimed keynote and kickoff speaker as well as “Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst” known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.? In addition, the “Doc” is a team building and organizational development consultant.??
Mark is providing “Stress and Communication, as well as Managing Change, Leadership and Team Building” programs for the 1st Cavalry Division and 13th Expeditionary Support Command, Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA.? Mark has also had a rotation as Military & Family Life Consultant (MFLC) at Ft. Campbell, KY.? A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, The Stress Doc is the author of?Practice Safe Stress?and of?The Four Faces of Anger.? See his award-winning, USA Today Online “HotSite” —?stressdoc.com?— called a “workplace resource” by National Public Radio (NPR).? For more info on the Doc’s “Practice Safe Stress” programs or to receive his free e-newsletter,?email?[email protected]?or call 301-875-2567.
???Mark Gorkin??Feb 2025
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