To Come Out and Stay Out, My Personal Coming Out Story...

...With June being #PrideMonth around the globe and now that all of the #Pride activities and festivities have winded down, I thought it would be a good time to remember "To #ShowYourPride Every Day!"

My personal journey of coming out starts somewhat later in life in that I was 29 years old (in the picture above) and living in #WhitePlains , NY. I was a young professional working at The Dannon Company, living a very active social life with lots of friends and a supportive family, driving a good looking car, wearing great clothes, on my own in an awesome apartment and living life to the fullest,?but was I?

For each of us the journey and decision to come out is a personal one and there is no right way or answer on how one should do it as each situation is different for every one of us. So, here is my story...

When I think back to my childhood, I remember one event in my life that continues to stick with me today even as I am looking at turning the big 50 this year.?In third grade, when I was about 8 - 9 years old, I remember coming home from a "normal" day at school for me, playing outside afterward and then coming in for dinner with my Mom, Dad and sister.?Just as we were about to eat, the phone rang and my Dad answered it. It was my 3rd grade teacher (leaving out her name for privacy but trust me I will never forget it). After he hung up, my Dad asked me to follow him and he took me into the bathroom and closed the door.?All I could think was what did I do? Bad Grades? Too much talking in the classroom? Forgot to put the toilet seat down in the communal bathroom? It was none of these... My Dad proceeded to tell me that my teacher called and said "Brien needs to stop playing on the swings with the girls and needs to start to play ball with the boys!" All I could think of was this (behavior) wrong??I like to play on the swings and I am quite good at it can go higher than most with no fear.?Playing ball with the boys was unfamiliar to me, foreign, and definitely did not make me feel comfortable. Shortly there after, I was signed up for a local soccer league and played the sport until my early teens.

Another time that I remember, as though it was yesterday, was in middle school years (7th to 9th grade in the U.S.) and I remember feeling weight conscious and very uncomfortable in my own skin as most do at that age. I remember being picked on and bullied for "talking like a girl on the school bus" "throwing like a girl during gym," and for "being sensitive."?During these years many do not know that I would take my bag lunch and eat behind the card catalog in the library at middle school and sometimes go there when I wanted to hide and skip gym class so that I could avoid the confrontations and bullying.?I remember one time when I did go to gym class and I was bullied, I returned to the boys locker room and was undressing to go back to class.?Little did I know that a classmate was coming up behind me and when he passed by he pushed me into the gym locker and my face hit the locker and my braces came through my upper lip causing my mouth to bleed.?I do not know what came over me but at that moment, I turned around and punched him back in the face. Just then the gym teacher came in we were both marched to the principal's office by which he was suspended and I went back to class.?Later he had to apologize and ironically he told me he didn't think I would fight back and I had quite a punch.

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Things changed when I entered High School in 9th grade. One would think this would be the toughest time for a kid like me, however, because I was non-discriminating and friendly with everyone all of a sudden I started to have lots of friends.?Most of the boys who used to make me nervous and/ or picked on me were now my friends because I knew all the "pretty girls." Ha, those days on the swings finally paid off and now I was being nominated to be the King of the Home Coming Float (I did not win but that is okay, nomination was cool) and for Student Government - "Convery will Convey" which I did win Student Class Rep in my senior year, rowed on the crew team for 3 years, member of the yearbook committee -?living life to the fullest, but was I?

After High School, I did what most students do and went to Community College and University and continued the path of leading life as a straight man knowing that something was not being dealt with inside me but still being the popular guy with many friends and no girlfriends which was starting to raise some eyebrows and questions that I was really good at deflecting. "Haven't found the right one" "Want to focus on school" "My friends are more important than a girlfriend, there is time for that later..."

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After University graduation in 1989, I finally landed by first job as a Buyer at the The Dannon Company in #WhitePlains , New York and shortly there after started to date my first serious girlfriend.?All was great and I was living life to the fullest, but was I?

In the late 90s, I realized that I wasn't living life to the fullest in that I was not being my #trueauthenticself to my friends, family, co-workers and most important to myself. I decided that I needed to break it off with the girlfriend after 4 years, and seek out a "new start."?This is when I went out to my first gay bar in White Plains, NY and met my first boyfriend. Life moved fast, I got a new job as a Senior Buyer with Colgate-Palmolive on Park Avenue, we moved into #Chelsea , #BigApple ", #Manhattan aka #New York (19th and 8th Avenue), and we dated for a few years before going our separate ways.

During this time in #Chelsea , NY it was time for me to "#ComeOut " to my family and not be seen as a one-dimensional being with a "long-term" roommate and best friend.?My "#ComingOut " experience was after my boyfriend and I broke up and my Mom and sister were visiting me for the weekend.?Perfect time, Perfect Opportunity but it was not all that Perfect.?First I told my Sister and I cried and then time to tell Mom.?Mom who had many gay friends, a graduate from NY Design School and had owned an Antique Store for years, however now it was out and even though she knew (inside as they say a Mother always know), she needed time to reflect on my announcement. So my Sister and I went out to dinner and off to a NYC gay bar for drinks and dancing - a night I won't ever forget as I was free, free to be me with my family (well with my sister).?The next morning we had a long conversation and my Mom was "fine with it" but what really was pressing on her was my Dad and would he accept it??Really??I had thought of that and that it might be a challenge with a macho guy who grew up in the 50s and idealized Elvis but now I was even more concerned and worried.?The "Catholic guilt" and "fear of telling him" was running deep in my veins thinking that I could cause a possible rift in my parent's marriage and relationship if he did not accept it.

In parallel to #ComingOut , I met my now husband, Doug, in NY and moved to be with him in #SanFrancisco , CA - #Castro Neighborhood (another D&I Blog Series entry to come). My parents moved from #Poughkeepsie , NY to North Myrtle Beach, SC. and this created an issue and a geographical barrier now that I could not do a face-to-face "#ComeOut " with my Dad directly.?It put pressure on everyone in my family and most of all my Mom who had a secret that I forbid her to tell him as it was "my story to tell."?This year was a very long and tough one for all and I finally made plans to go and visit them in North Myrtle Beach, SC.... This trip was intense with all of the build up and I decided to just tell him when I arrived.?Well not quite right. My Dad had often written me letters and so I decided to send him a note a few days before leaving from San Francisco. I knew it would be there when I arrived. My Mom told me later that she could not handle the stress and pressure so she told him before the letter arrived (a conversation that I have no details).?So when I arrived I mentioned the letter and my Dad said "Brien, you’re my son and I love you no matter what."?This let a huge weight off me, my sister, Doug and most of all my Mom. Now it was time to live life to the fullest...

In 2021, I shared our anniversary of getting married at Toronto City Hall on December 31st, 2004 (New Year's Eve) on my twitter account. My Tweet caught the eye of Francesca Street, Writer and digital producer for CNN Travel.

Francesca direct messaged me on twitter and asked if I would want our story to be told on CNN Travel / Chance Encounters. Of course, I had to ask Doug but he was totally in and the rest is history.

Two strangers met on a New York dance floor 24 years ago. Here’s what happened next

Everyone has their own coming out story to tell and each and every story is special and unique.?As we tell these stories it helps others to realize #itgetsbetter and that it hopefully humanizes the experience for others to realize that as their friends, family and co-workers are struggling with this the most important thing one can do is to be there for that person and support them through the journey. In closing and as I tell other #LGBTQ people who are "#ComingOut " or thinking of "#ComingOut " it is most important to do it what is right for you, when it is right for you and most importantly to be your true #authentic self each and everyday!

#diversity #inclusion #engagement #acomingoutstory #LGBTQ

?If you are an LGBTQ+ individual and you are looking to network and connect with someone like myself, in the community, you can find me here on LinkedIn, message me and we can meet up for a #coffeechat virtually or in person.