The Devil of Small Things

I feel every girl should read ' A Room of One's Own'. It says that women cannot be successful writers because they do not have rooms that belong to them specifically—a space where no one comes in and a woman can work peacefully without interruption.

The room here is a symbol. Most of us urban and career women have physical space. But is there enough room within one's head? If one is a career woman with a husband and maybe a kid, a lot of the energies get channelled into organising small things. For example, in my case, it's 'The menu', the perennial conflict of a working mother. If I am giving a sandwich to my daughter for her school lunch box daily, somewhere, I start feeling a little guilty. In the maze of millet dosa, homemade hummus and pita bread, my sandwich becomes a representation of me being partially absent in my daughter's life. It creates guilt. I go into a tizzy thinking that the brown bread is not brown; it has additives and colour, and it is probably making my daughter more mobile-savvy (don't ask me why; everything boils down to the food and gadget addiction). So I succumb and make my own idli batter using all healthy ingredients and start packing a nutritious lunch.

So, earlier, I had a to-do list of 19 items. Now I have 20. Making my batter means adding a few peripheral steps to the process. Sourcing the right millet and getting the organic rice, soaking it while leaving for a meeting, grinding it, fermenting it, and finally waking up half an hour before, at the wee hours in the morning, to make the perfect idli—yes, it is hard work. Of course, it is extremely rewarding- the very thought that the daughter is eating well. Nevertheless, it takes away quite a bit of time.

I am in the process of launching a site that delves into gender equality. When I think of myself, I am quite privileged. I have a couple of women who help me to cook and clean. I can also afford to pay for convenient transportation and all the other facilities that allow you to get to work. What I lack is the mind space. I am thinking of too many things. The menu, the spring cleaning, the school project, wanting to be in shape and finally, work. It makes me feel that I have about 3 to 4 hours of productive work day, whereas my colleague and business partner, who is a man, has double the time.

Coming back to ' A room of one's own', it is still relevant. In a city like Mumbai, with all the privileges that I enjoy, I still feel I am not doing enough. It also leads to mild imposter syndrome and a feeling of burnout. The more I think about it, multitasking is overrated. Imposter syndrome is a function of not being able to focus on the task at hand. The small things keep women busy. Our roles are varied. Being a mother, a wife, a woman, and a professional, as well as managing everything well, puts a huge amount of stress on us. My sense is that if there were an organisational study on 'burnout', marriage and kids would become contributing key determinants of burnout. To top it up, if one is a single mother, I am sure, on a scale of 1-10, the 'BI' would be eight plus. However, that does not mean I am propagating singlehood. Having my daughter has been a sheer joy. I would never change that.

I digressed. Focusing, I feel that there are deeper societal implications arising from working women and burnout. Mental health is the obvious one. Lack of leisure can kill creative thinking. It can make one stressed, which leads to all sorts of lifestyle diseases. The menu question in my mind leads to me buying gadgets like air fryers, breadmakers, ovens, dishwashers, etc., which I am sure lead to more electricity and water consumption. Multitasking also leads to spending less quality time with family. It obviously means more screen time for all of us. Most of us do not converse with the people who matter most in our lives.?

Is there a way to handle this? Redefining our roles may take another 100 years, but one thing can happen immediately. As women, we should stick to 'sandwiches' at times, ditch the 'millet dosa', and literally not chew more than we can handle. We should also normalise talking about exhaustion and burnout and ask for help from friends, colleagues, managers, and our partners. It is ok to focus on one thing and not let the devil of small things thwart our progress. Let no one tell us that we are falling short as mothers and wives and daughters. We are perfect in our imperfections.