Developing Your Personal Comfort with Talent

Consider this question: has anyone ever asked you about your talent? I don’t mean talking about where you can make the biggest contribution. I mean, has anyone ever asked you specifically about your talent? If you’re like several of the people I interviewed, the answer is probably no. So why is talent so hard to discuss? Why don’t we talk about talent more openly? I’m not sure we fully understand, but here are a few ideas.

First, we would need to remind ourselves that we’re asking the question not to judge the person for their answer. Our culture doesn’t allow for a free-flowing conversation about talent. We just can’t own it. We can’t say it out loud because doing so puts us in the ‘braggadocious’ camp. Nobody wants to be there! So we remain modest. We are taken aback when a runner like Usain Bolt, Michael Johnson, or Noah Lyles says how good they are and predicts a win. Some people are drawn to dislike them for comments they perceive as bragging. We like our heroes humble. Don’t talk about or stand in your talent out loud. Just deliver. We like Sydney McLaughlin, who just shows up and quietly blows everyone away, setting records as she does it. But why? Is it our own lack of personal comfort with the talent that we possess that makes us uncomfortable with someone who knows and talks about theirs?

Overcoming the fear of talent acknowledgment is a crucial step toward personal growth. What if your talent is trash-talking? What if stating that you are going to win gives you energy and a psychological edge? I suggest that the more a person is confident in their talent, the less they are concerned about what others say about it. “Developing personal comfort with talent” means accepting and embracing your unique abilities, even if that makes others uncomfortable. I think we get fearful because if they are strong, we might be weak. We are not, but we might think that way, and it is downhill from there.

We are so practiced at not asking that it never occurs to us to ask. If we did ask and we found out about the person’s work ethic, we might be uncomfortable. Why? If this person’s work ethic exceeds ours, then we have to face the reality that it’s not just talent—they are putting in the work too. If I perceive that it comes easy to someone, then I don’t have to feel bad about myself. They were just the lucky one, and there’s nothing I can do about that. But what if there is something you can do about it? Generally speaking, we don’t like how that feels. So that means no questions about talent, which keeps me safe from finding out that I too could achieve greatness if I were willing to do the hard work.

Coaching to enhance talent could help us break these barriers. If we start talking about our strengths and what we do well, we can remove the stigma associated with being confident in our abilities. What if not talking about talent was a safety measure? If we say who we are and what we do well, people place a target on our backs. We become the one to beat. We have declared it so. If we don’t say, we may have an idea that Sydney is the one, but she hasn’t drawn that attention to herself. The right approach completely depends on the person. Drawing attention has worked for Lyles, and being quiet has worked for McLaughlin. Choosing a strategy is a talent question. Who are you, and what do you need? That’s the complexity. Everyone needs something slightly different.

Talent visibility and humility are not mutually exclusive. The magic is in getting clear on who you are, knowing what you need, and standing firmly in that talent. Talking about it or not—whatever works for you is what you should have.

Talent would not be elusive if it were a part of our everyday conversation. If we were supported in talking about what we do well and what we are working on, then talent would not be elusive. Overcoming fear of talent acknowledgment and encouraging personal comfort with talent would allow everyone to be seen, and wouldn’t that be nice?

Dr. Lisa

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