Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

Last month we talked about our interpersonal skills, and how crucial they are to being a successful community manager. Interpersonal Skills are a part of the larger picture of Emotional Intelligence, or, the ability to understand, manage and effectively express one’s feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others. Let’s delve a bit more in to EI.

Here are the four traits of Emotional Intelligence, and how they relate to community management.

1. Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

We deal with humans being in relation to their living conditions – a highly personal, emotionally charged environment for them, and thus, for us. As we answer (another) emotional phone call from an owner, or read another nasty letter, or have the torch-and-pitchfork crowd confrontation at an annual meeting, we must be able to recognize our emotional response to each incident. Do these make us angry? Sad? Want to run away or stay and fight? Recognizing the emotional reaction you have to the situation at hand allows you to manage your response to it.

2. Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Yes, you want to tell them all to take a hike, or get right back in their face, or hang up the phone, but you don’t, because those impulsive responses to others may be momentarily satisfying but ultimate are counterproductive to getting the job done effectively. A lack of self-management will be the death knell for any community manager.

3. Social awareness – You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

How many of us have sat at a Board meeting contemplating what the hell makes these people tick? If you figured it out, you are socially aware, and likely have the best relationship possible with that group of folks. If you are stumped, your relationship with the Board as a group will suffer mightily. I find that most people are socially unaware because they are wrapped up in the “Vortex of Me and My Issues.” Being cognizant of social interactions and cues among others means you are paying attention the interpersonal dynamics of the Board and how that affects their management of the community.

4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

It’s what managers do every day – and they do a good job or not. Being good at relationships means you collaborate well with others, lead the when its’ necessary and are able to manage the inevitable conflict that arises when human beings are involved while still staying focused on the goals you are attempting to achieve. Everything in this business, as it is in life, is built on relationships.

Developing your EI

Experts tell us that in order to develop our EI, we must stay aware and connected to our own emotions at all times in order to stay connected with others. The funny thing is, though, they tell us that in order to develop that awareness, the primary thing we must do is manage stress, because experiencing high levels of stress will get in the way of our ability to read any given situation, even our own. Of course, the ultimate irony is that we are a business built on throwing relatively unprepared people in to stressful situations that require… Emotional Intelligence.

Managing stress

Work - life balance. Try to maintain a work-life balance that gives you enough time to do those things that are important to you and your family.

Take care of yourself. You can’t take care of business if you don’t take care of yourself. Get some exercise, eat better, don’t drink too much and get enough sleep. Easy to say, I know, but these things actually do work.

De-clutter. If your desk looks like a bomb went off on it, you are putting yourself through unnecessary tension, because clutter is stressful. All that paper in an unintelligible jumble makes you look and feel out of control, ramping up anxiety just by looking at it. Ugh! Clean it up, and set aside 15 minutes per day to keep it that way.

Have de-stressors at hand – at the office. Family pictures, posters of nature, even a calming screen-saver can all help you de-stress.

And with you all the time… What do you always have with you? Your phone. Use it for de-stressing by having a few pictures you can look at – discreetly – that remind you there is another world outside, and it will be there when you walk out at the end of the day.

Find humor – and use it. This is a funny business, even when it’s at its worst (and then it’s still funny). There is humor everywhere – find it, and laugh.

These are simple techniques for de-stressing your life in to some semblance of manageability. Everyone has something that helps them, and finding what works for you will crucial in this step towards developing your Emotional Intelligence. Community management is not the easiest job in the world, but nor is it the most difficult, but it does take certain skill-sets, those of organizational, communication and a certain amount of “people” skills. The best of the best – from portfolio manager to General Manager to Management Company executive have and refine Emotional Intelligence. The confidence that comes with the ability to “read” people and situations correctly, and to take the mystery out of group dynamics not only saves hours of time, it allows you greater flexibility in how you manage people and issues. It makes you tremendously valuable to your communities. If I were hiring and I had a choice between an MBA with no EI, and a “just” a smart person with EI, the person with EI wins, hands down. They get what no college can teach: The X-factor that makes good managers and executives great.

c. 2022 Julie Adamen, Adamen Inc. All rights reserved