Developing Better Relationships
The Real Power of Effective Communication
Would you say that you’re a good listener? Are you able to focus and tune in to everything the other person’s saying? What goes through your head when another person’s speaking? Are you really listening? Or are you just waiting for the moment when you can step in and offer your comments?
Whilst there are plenty of courses available to teach the skills of clearer and unambiguous speech, we seem to have forgotten the importance of being able to listen. Perhaps it’s our current obsession with social media that’s reduced our communication to a series of messages and emojis. But the fact is that we’re losing the art of listening. We’re not as good as we should be at listening.
And this is certainly odd because communication is an absolutely essential ingredient for success in any sphere of life. We could go as far as to say that everything we do is shaped and conditioned by our ability to convey and receive the meaning in our thoughts and feelings. This applies to any message, whether we’re talking to the public, to a loved one, a colleague or even to ourselves.
So, as you’d expect, there’s a vast amount of material in books and courses to teach us how to express ourselves as clearly as possible.
One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another person has to say
- Bryant H McGill
But there’s a less obvious dimension to communication that’s often overlooked. And that’s our ability to listen.
If we’re being completely honest, our listening skills are so deficient because we usually don’t listen at all. And the source of the problem is that our attention has to compete with the endless loop of dialogue that’s running through our heads.
It’s incredibly difficult to hear what someone is saying when you’re experiencing this additional conversation constantly playing in the background, diverting your attention and obscuring the important nuances and details. We miss the choice of words, the tones, the intonations and the pauses. Which means that we miss most of the message’s content.
Most conversations are unequal exchanges of information. based on our habit of waiting just long enough for the other person to pause to allow us to say whatever’s been bubbling away in our heads. Does that sound familiar to you? It’s an extremely common phenomenon.
I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully.
Most people never listen.
- Ernest Hemingway
When you learn to pay close attention to what someone’s saying, you open up a whole new world of perception and understanding. It isn’t difficult. It certainly isn’t mysterious. It’s an entirely natural transaction between two people. But when you slow down and breathe a little more deeply, when you focus on what the other person’s saying, you become aware of the pauses and inflections, the choice of words, the emphasis and the hesitations and suddenly – an entirely new and deeper level of information is revealed. Simply because you chose to pay more attention and really listened.
On the face of it, listening should be easy enough. All you have to do is keep quiet and open your ears.
Effective listening, however, is not a passive activity.
You have to learn how to listen actively, to be fully engaged with everything the other person is saying. It really is an astonishingly powerful technique that bestows unimaginable advantages upon anyone who cultivates the art of effective listening.
There are substantial advantages to be gained from this wonderful means of understanding others. One of the great messages from the commercial environment is that people tend to do business with us not because we have the best product or service but because they feel we understand them as people. And the best way to demonstrate your understanding is to listen to them and pay close attention to what they say and to how they choose to express themselves. This is certainly not a new idea but it’s a concept that truly deserves to be revived.
The best way to persuade people is with your ears - by listening to them.
- Dean Rusk
There are opportunities to hone your skills every single day. You can practise your new skill whenever you engage with anyone in conversation. As you learn to pay closer attention, you’ll find that listening attentively becomes a natural habit for you. It might also translate into a very revealing experience for you, because our communication is not simply contained within the words we use. It’s in the way we use the words and it’s in the subtle nuances that usually slip right past you - whenever you’re not paying attention.
Today is the perfect day for you to become a truly great listener. Make a simple commitment to pay more attention to what’s being said and notice all the changes that start to show up in your relationships.
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Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.
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