Developing Assertiveness- A way to Emotional Intelligence

Assertiveness comes under one of the important component of Emotional intelligence, Self-regulation. Having healthy personal & Professional relationships, developing assertiveness is an important way one should acquire. It is the part of Emotional intelligence.

What is Assertiveness?

It is your ability to express your beliefs, thoughts, feelings and defending your own rights in a constructive way, neither passive nor aggressive.

E.g: If you are insisted to work continuously more than your regular working hours in order to finish that project,

When you are passive, you accept that deal by saying “ yes, I will do”

When you are aggressive, you refuse it by saying “ Excuse me,!! Why should I do?!!I cant do this, don’t you have heart?!! You people are always torturing the employees, bla..bla..”

But when you are assertive,

You will try to understand the situation and its importance and say

“ I feel that we can able to complete this project by stipulated time even when we take the rest time and continue it by tomorrow. Let’s discuss What is the need of doing it in an emergency manner”

Likewise, exercising your own rights without denying the rights of others. Being assertive doesn’t mean speaking softly, it means respecting yourself and others.

Its all about how you made your opponent feel.

Why Assertiveness is important?

1.Regulation of Behaviours

Simon Black Model of behavioural pattern

Effective behaviour :

• Assertive:- Give information, Persuade,
• Responsive:- Ask Questions, Modify

Self-defeating behaviour:

• Aggressive:- Patronise, Sarcasm, Dismissive
• Passive:- Accommodate, Puts self down, Run way

When you start understanding this model, you can able to identify and eliminate the other behavioural pattern, which makes you to pick the assertive behaviour and start practicing on it.

What is attitude? how it comes under Mental &Emotional entity?

2. Assertiveness reduces Anxiety and mental distress because of the thorough knowledge and awareness of the situation and its consequences.

3. Assertiveness is one of the best tip for Anger Management.

4. Assertiveness increases self-esteem and self-confidence.

5.Being assertive makes you to build healthy Personal & Professional relationships by augmenting trust and respect.

6. Assertiveness makes you a leader of Positive influence.

How to develop Assertiveness:

• Self- Awareness is a key. Embodied practice helps. What is self-awareness and embodied practice? Click here
• When you start aware about yourself, you have to believe in your self- worth.
• Knowing and understanding your own rights in depth and understanding the current situation and its consequences helps you to stand up for you by respecting yourself and others.
• Know your strength and weakness and understand your opponent or your team members strength & weakness helps you to give an effective response in particular situation.
• Setting healthy boundaries is crucial and you have to learn to say “NO” to the things which depletes you. Understand that you are saying “NO” to the proposed request , It doesn’t mean that you are rejecting the person. So no worry for being guilty. Your boundaries demonstrate what is acceptable in your life and what is not ,which paves the ways to know your rights. 
• Positive Self- talk and being kind to yourself in challenging situation.
• Take accountability for your actions and its consequences.
• “LABEL”

L– Listen, Listening is a critical part, listen without judgement, listen without any intention to deliver your thoughts, Listen patiently.

A-Analyse the delivered reports, facts, proposed request, your own rights and other rights, situation and its consequences, your emotions, your inner voice, logical facts and intuitions

B– Breathe. Pause the moment, take a breath. Breath anchors the moment. It avoids distractions and prejudiced ideas and concepts.

E– Express your Beliefs,Thoughts and emotions in a constructive way.

L- Lead!! Lead the people , situation positively.

Take away:

Being assertive makes you to think and work for win-win situation, to keep strong value for yourself and your rights and needs but also be mindful and work with the needs of other.

It is the hallmark of Authentic leadership.

Dr.Raji Arabi, Health & Wellness Consultant,Health & Leadership Coach