Develop assertiveness to communicate better ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and actions that will build your confidence and power. Each tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. Quick Confidence is also a book! Get your copy to carry confidence wherever you go.?

Early in my career, I found myself in a pivotal client meeting. We were there to discuss the troubling results of this company’s recent employee engagement survey. I had done my homework, prepared my recommendations for the client, and felt confident walking into the room.

However, as the discussion progressed, I noticed myself shrinking a few sizes—hesitating to voice my opinions and concerns. It was as if a voice inside me whispered, “Probably wise to follow someone else's lead in this situation" and "Don't make waves."

Despite knowing I had valid points to contribute (like suggesting the company run some focus groups to dig deeper into employees’ perspectives), I was afraid of appearing too assertive, of disrupting the harmony of the conversation. My suggestion danced right there on the tip of my tongue, ready to come out, yet I sat there silent, feeling frustrated and unheard.

My frustration only intensified when a colleague made a very similar suggestion that was both appreciated -and later implemented - by the client! Has that ever happened to you??

Reflecting on that experience, I realized the importance of asserting myself more frequently. By not speaking up, I not only undermined my own position but also missed an opportunity to build my relationship with my client and drive the best possible path toward change.?

What a wake-up call to recognize the impact of my voice and the need to speak up, even if I was afraid.

Wherever you are on your journey toward embracing assertiveness and finding your voice, remember this isn't just about being bold. Assertiveness is just as much about valuing your perspective and being willing to reflect and learn in real-time. The more you practice it—by using the tips below—the more you can achieve better outcomes for yourself and others. ??

Quick Confidence Tips to Develop Assertiveness:

1. Mindset: Know Yourself. Understand your values and deeply held worldviews. When you know yourself well, it’s easier to speak your voice or assert your needs and boundaries confidently. For me, authenticity, honesty, learning, and growth rank near the top of my highest values—so tuning into these values encourages me to speak up. How about you? If it’s been a minute since you’ve checked in with yourself or identified your values, take a look at this list developed by Atomic Habits author James Clear. After identifying what’s most important to you, think of what those values look like in action and (re)commit to them!
2. Interpersonal: Elevate your “I” words. Sometimes when we lack assertiveness in our communication, we dilute our words and messages. That not only softens our position but can confuse others about our real stance. An example of this might happen when we’re thinking, “Ooh, ooh, I have a great solution to that problem!!” but what we say aloud sounds like, “Umm…well…we could maybe think about XYZ solution…” That’s why I want to encourage you to practice expressing your thoughts and feelings more directly, honestly, and respectfully. That means using "I" statements rather than “Maybe we could do ABC…” or “We might consider XYZ…” to help you assert your desires, needs, and ideas without others having to guess where you stand. Some of my favorites include “I recommend.../I’m concerned about.../I encourage the team to.../I’d ask that we consider.../I have an idea.../I’d like to propose a different way of looking at this...”
3. Embodied: Check your tone. The last thing you want to do when you’re learning to assert yourself is to make a smart, insightful statement that comes out in a totally unconvincing, flimsy tone! So as you practice making more assertive “I” statements, shoot for a vocal tone that’s firm yet warm (I like to think of an excellent teacher I had in grade school to find the right balance—she was firm and not to be messed with yet caring and kind). Another thing to tune into is your pace—you don’t need to rush, which can imply you’re nervous or unsure of your place—instead remember that it’s okay to drive the conversation forward and keep momentum going. See yourself as a leader, not a follower in the conversation, and it will come through in your body language and actions.

Confidence and being assertive is like a muscle—it grows stronger with practice. Expressing your thoughts, needs, and feelings in a clear and direct way isn’t just a workplace skill—it’s a life skill. But remember, it requires patience, practice, and perseverance. By implementing these tips consistently, you'll gradually become more confident in asserting yourself and navigating life's challenges with grace and conviction.

Can you remember a situation where you wish you had been more assertive? Share in the comments, I love hearing from you.

In my most popular LinkedIn Learning course, Nano Tips for Communicating with Confidence , I share how to make sure that your voice is fully heard in any situation. Explore words that raise your stature and three practical shifts to be more assertive, plus learn how to address challenges with over talkers, disagreement, overthinking, overexplaining, conflict on the job, and being overworked! As a LinkedIn Learning author, I may be compensated if you make a purchase.