Detoxifying Your Social Interactions

Detoxifying Your Social Interactions

-??????Simar Sidhu

COE, 3rd Year

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Does anyone in your life make you feel anxious? Do you feel overwhelmed with dread by the thought of talking to or seeing someone in particular?

If so, you might be dealing with a toxic person. In human behaviour, toxic is used to describe someone who causes distress in others through negative words and actions. However, it isn’t always easy to identify a toxic person, as their behaviours can be subtle.

Since we usually choose to see the best versions of the people we love, we don’t always realize that the role they play in our lives is actually hurting us more than helping us. It’s vital to be able to recognize when a relationship is causing you serious turmoil or is negatively impacting your mental health. The first and most important thing to realize is that their behaviour towards you has nothing to do with you.

Toxic people find ways to pull people down, intentionally, or unintentionally, because it can feel like the only way for them to boost themselves up. This acts as their coping mechanism to boost their own feeling of self-worth. They may be completely unaware of this and be ignorant of the fact that their actions have harmful effects and are causing damage to people they come in contact with. A lack of self-awareness generally prevents them from taking responsibility for their own negative feelings and unfulfilled needs, so they look outside to release their pent-up frustrations.

The idea of confrontation and dealing with its consequences generally prevents people from acknowledging potentially harmful behaviours. We believe that unacceptable behaviour patterns are simply errors that we end up overlooking. Another factor that prevents us from calling out people for their behaviour, is the fear of being alone. We believe that being with anyone, no matter the severity of their actions, is better than being alone.

However, taking a stand for yourself is extremely important for your overall well-being and mental health. While the thought of creating space can be scary or overwhelming, it is important to prioritize your mental well-being. Although you are not responsible for how people behave, you can end relationships that do not treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Removing toxic people from your life won’t always be a straightforward and effortless task, but sometimes it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

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Identifying Toxic Relationships

Identifying the person or people negatively affecting your mental health is the first step you can take. You may already know exactly who this person is, or it may take some careful thought. Try to think about whether anyone in your life makes you feel bad about yourself or tries to control or manipulate you. They may treat you cruelly, manipulate you, or criticize you constantly. They may cause you to feel bad about yourself to the point that the shame drives you to engage in destructive behaviours. This kind of malignant behaviour takes an extreme toll on your mental and emotional well-being and can be categorised as emotional abuse. The following points can help you recognize toxic traits to look out for:

§?They try to exploit your compassionate nature.

§?They make you feel bad about yourself.

§?They constantly judge you.

§?They are consumed by negativity.

§?They are passive-aggressive.

§?They show narcissistic tendencies.

§?They have issues with anger management.

§?They always try to control your actions and demand your attention.

Despite these red flags, it isn’t always easy to understand or accept how dangerous these relationships are. You may think that such a person really does have your best interests in mind. However, if you do feel uneasy and apprehensive around such people, you should make an effort to distance yourself from them and eventually, if needed, cut them off completely from your life.

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Establish And Maintain Boundaries

Toxic people push you to continually work in pleasing them and make you bend to their whims and wishes. This can be extremely draining and infringes on your personal boundaries.

You have to establish for yourself what you are willing to tolerate from anyone in your social interactions. Whenever anything doesn’t feel right in any interaction, run through your mental personal boundary checklist and make an effort to enforce your boundaries firmly.

Setting boundaries is an important tool to keep you from accidentally slipping back into old habits. For example, if you have decided that you will cut all contact with a toxic person, take measures to eliminate your ability to reach out to them and prevent them from reaching out to you. Block or delete their number, email address, and social media accounts. If you don’t want to go to that extreme, especially if it’s a family member, then try to put some space between you and them. Remember that it is equally important that you maintain your boundaries as it is for them to respect the boundaries you set.?

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Focus On Solutions

Toxic people can make you feel sad and angry about what you do and how you feel but if you focus on this, you’ll stay miserable and frustrated, even if you’re excising such a person from your social circle.

Instead, turn your attention to the fact you’re clearing up a psychological and emotional mess in your life. If you spend much of your time deliberating on a toxic person’s negative behaviour, they’ll suck away all your resources even when they’re no longer in your life. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to always be their shoulder to cry on.

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Understand Projection And Work On Your Emotions

Removing toxic people from your life, in part involves reducing their power over your emotions and that requires recognizing that they’re not really seeing?you?when they’re hurting you.

In truth, they’re projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don’t want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you. Try to detach yourself from the situation and see their cruel behaviour for what it is: a way of avoiding the truth about themselves.

When you’re surrounded by toxic people?of any kind, you’ll notice that they tend to exploit your flaws and find ways to use them against you. However, you can dramatically reduce the likelihood of this happening by simply getting to know yourself and learning to?accept?your weaknesses.

This will not only help you understand your weaknesses but recognise your strengths as well. By focusing on yourself and your personal development, you can develop a deep-rooted belief in your own abilities and character which will not be shaken by any manipulative tactic aimed to belittle you.

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Stand Your Ground

When you decide to cut a toxic relationship out of your life, there is a chance that you may experience backlash. A toxic person is not likely to immediately go away or change their behaviour just because you asked them to. They may make promises that they will change or attempt to manipulate the situation, sometimes even making you feel like you are emotionally harming them. Toxic people often throw tantrums when they feel ignored. This is usually because you’re stopping them from being able to control or manipulate you. They may increase their previous tactics tenfold, but eventually, they?will?back off and look elsewhere to meet their needs.

No matter what they do, stand your ground. Be upfront with them about why you are choosing to move on with your life and stick to it. Although this conversation can feel uncomfortable, it is necessary for your mental safety and stability. You can be kind, but you must be firm. Let them know calmly how you feel and why but do not sink to their level if they fight back.

Conflict with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time. Just remember you don’t need to engage in every fight that they might try to instigate. Instead, save that energy for looking after yourself, and for nourishing relationships that are genuinely healthy.

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Building A Support System

Removing toxic people from your life can be deeply painful, as you may deeply care for some of these people in spite of how difficult it is to have them in your life. Stay in close contact with those who make you feel safe, cherished, and happy to maintain your resilience and cope with any sadness. These are the people with whom you will nurture healthy friendships and relationships, which will remind you exactly why you are choosing to sever the toxic ones.

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Surrounding yourself with people who will lift you up and help you flourish in life is the way forward. Do not hesitate to reach out to people who will listen, support and help you grow. In some cases, you may feel that you’ve been isolated from people who might serve as your support group for too long. In other cases, you may hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional who can help you move on from the toxic relationship. However, making a conscious decision, to do what’s best for your improvement and to help you let go, is vital.

Don’t hesitate to make first contact.

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Making Peace

Closing the door to a toxic relationship can be challenging and scary. The person who is unhealthy for you might be a close friend, relative, work associate, or even your spouse. No matter who it is, if your relationship is harming your mental health, the best decision you can make is to cut them out of your life. Toxic people can make you feel consumed by a negative outlook on yourself or isolate you from people who truly are good for you. It’s crucial to take the necessary action to get your life back and be treated with the respect you deserve.

Moving past toxic relationships requires true acceptance of the fact that you can’t force toxic people to change. They may imply that they can change, or you may yearn to be the one who can help them become better, but this is almost always a hopeless project. Toxic people are not motivated by what’s good for them or for their relationship with you. They’re motivated by their own complex problems and needs.

Just forgive but don’t forget.

When you give up the desire to change them, letting them go is much easier. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are willing to forget about their damaging behaviour neither does it mean that you are giving them another chance. It just means that you are letting go and moving on with your life.