Detoxicate from Behavioral Poison

In my previous article, I have described the 4 basic personality profiles based on the temperament theory. From a combination of those four basic personality profiles, countless other personality descriptions can be generated. Of course, those are not scientific descriptions and are not rigid in nature because human behavior is to this day an immense and empirical field of study; psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists, and economists recognize the empirical nature for a fact and they always endeavor to explain human behavior in a way or another. Unlike sciences, where outcomes are both measurable and predictable, social sciences (this notion is arguably incorrect among contemporary philosophers; the studies of social behaviors cannot be accounted as sciences) can be unforeseen and bewildering to the keen observer. Francis Bacon, the great philosopher who is considered to be the father of conductive reasoning which later developed to be the scientific method and today is used in every scientific exercise, said "knowledge is power."

This article is a mere sharing of useful and practical information from a great book, Toxic People by Dr. Lillian Glass and is a call to broaden one’s knowledge to overcome toxic behavior. It presents personality descriptions with traits that are not uncommon in the workplace nowadays. Six characters out of 30 were selected from the book and their temperaments were identified along with the main toxic traits described by Dr. Glass. “Tune in” section reveals the toxicity one might encounter upon interacting with the characters and the “Power Play” section uncovers some of the techniques which could be useful to overcome those toxic people. I hope you enjoy this article. If you find this interesting, I would strongly recommend reading the book! 

The Me, Myself, and I Narcissist

Dominant Temperament: Choleric

The Me, Myself, and I Narcissist is selfish, egomaniacal, lacking in self-confidence, shallow, insecure, arrogant, boring, limited, socially inept, exhausting, obnoxious, flamboyant, self-centered, ostentatious, indiscreet and a show-off.

~ Lillian Glass~

Tune in:

Dealing with the Me, Myself, and I narcissists can be an excruciating experience. They can never speak a dialogue with you where you can exchange conversations, it will be always a monologue about themselves; you are lucky if you get the conversation microphone.

Control is their game-play, they can control their emotions while simultaneously controlling your reactions. They charm you by directing your full and utter attention only to what they have to say. They seduce you into following their lead by exposing a high-level of confidence that is alluring even when you are fully-aware of their insecurities.

A Power Play:

The power play you can use with this type is selective empathy. The Me, Myself, and I Narcissists are constantly seeking social power in any type of social setting; in this mission, they are seeking deep weaknesses in people around them to be able to employ their controlling capabilities. So, share a deep weakness, preferably emotional, with them and you’ll have a small window into their short-attention span.

Concentrate your forces by clarifying their toxic behavior, use a yes-no series of questions to convey your concerns with them. Most probably, they will turn a blind curtain into your persona once they discover that you know their intentions or, in any circumstance, you are trying to compete with their ultimatum of becoming the one and only who deserves all attention. Keep your interactions at minimum and don’t commit unless you are ready to deal with the harm of regret.

The Spoiled Self-Righteous

Dominant Temperament: Melancholic

The Spoiled Self-Righteous is stubborn, controlling, dogmatic, judgmental, rigid, hypocritical, condescending, uncommunicative, boring, fault-finding, selfish, old-fashioned, snobby, pretentious, unevolved, unreasonable, negative, obstinate, critical, meticulous, superficial, offensive, petty, and a know-it-all. 

~ Lillian Glass~

Tune in:

Dealing with Spoiled Self-Righteous people is nothing but a self-biting experience by intimidation. They appear to have figured it all out; how to speak, how to act and react, how to advise, how to work, and so on. Their most and utmost mantra in life is to reach a climax in everything they do; even when they know it is just simply impossible. They will go to great lengths in doing what they love to prove to the world that anything can only be done their way, in their view, the only right way. With their ability to criticize and slander is their inability to self-examine and tolerate which are the two sides of the same coin. To coin a precise phrase of their misery; don’t live and don’t let live!

Everything around them is fixed, rigid, and not open for discussion. Their expectation of you is always over the roof and your enjoyments in life means only one thing, harmful indulgence. Their insecure perfectionist character impose a sphere of intimidation around whoever deals with them; arms crossed, hands in pockets, or a long distance are the postures of people when they listen to them. They realize that human beings are just not perfect, yet, they live by a know-how know-it-all manifesto that proves otherwise. This in turn puts them in a hypocritical stance when they face their own desires and errors; because they are just as any human being, i.e. prone to making mistakes which is a fact they can never admit to, they are awfully apprehensive and brittle within and awfully judgmental and rigid without.

A Power Play:

There are two effective power plays that can be used with Spoiled Self-Righteous people, placid conversations or shock reflections. Placid conversations may start by showing interests in their state of art (in their view) know-how methods. The conversation must be calm, friendly, and it must take the form of a dialogue, i.e. never a monologue. Questions of “how” are excellent way to let them express themselves openly and comprehensively. There is a high probability that judgments and strong opinions will be made by Spoiled Self-Righteous people engaging in such conversations. Those judgments or strong opinions are the fish you try to catch; stop, elaborate, and scrutinize the judgment/strong opinion to the point where they realize that what they just expressed was a little too extreme. This realization make them revisit their opinion.

Shock reflections technique can also be used when Spoiled Self-Righteous people are in attack mode. Basically all that is needed to be done is wearing their harmful behavior and reflect it with a shock attack back at them. Yelling must be reflected with yelling, malicious comments must be reflected with malicious comments, judgments with judgments, and so on. When their behavior is mirrored right back at them, they have no choice but to self-examine.

The Accusing Critic

Dominant Temperament: Melancholic

Secondary Temperament: Choleric

The Accusing Critic is complaining, intimidating, fault-finding, bitchy, attaching, blunt, whiny, uncommunicative, hateful, instigating, irrational, jealous, a know-it-all, sadistic, self-righteous, sharp-tongued, shameless, abusive, acrimonious, annoying, obnoxious, rejecting, rigid, dogmatic, overemotional, negative, unreasonable, questioning, pugnacious, unrealistic, petty, nitpicking, dissatisfied, testy, rebellious, condescending, controlling, disrespectful, offensive, meddling, threatened, threatening, suspicious, mean-spirited, and a perfectionist. 

~ Lillian Glass~

Tune in:

Dealing with Accusing Critics extracts every possible insecurity in your personality. You find yourself questioning your abilities and constantly doubting your actions or reactions with them. They have a keen desire to point everything that is wrong or might be out of place in your character. Even if you go by their rules and desires, it is never good enough to satisfy their judgmental, derogatory and knife-stabbing comments. Eventually, upon dealing with Accusing Critics, you will feel guilty.

Attention to details is their strong weapon against their imperfections. They realize that nobody can ever be perfect and they analyze people around with a giant magnifying glass. Because of their ability to scrutinize their victims, they naturally develop a shield against any retaliatory comments of the kind they use with others. Therefore, it is very hard to reciprocate by trying to attack them with accusatory criticism. If you use your cunning abilities and genuinely fault-find traits in their character, you will put yourself in their perpetual inimical memory. You’ll have two options thereafter, get as far away as you can or cloak yourself with perfections; the ones they cannot with find faults!

A Power Play:

The power play you can use with this type is bold confrontation. There is no way around it, Accusing Critics have to realize their poisonous impact on other people. When you encounter an Accusing Critic, concentrate your inward power to confront them directly with statements such as: I don’t appreciate it when you point fingers at me all the time; instead of trying to find what’s wrong, can you once focus on what’s right?! ; I have had enough with your accusations, keep it to yourself and let me have it my way. When Accusing Critics are confronted boldly, you force them to respect your character regardless of your imperfections. If they insist on their toxic behavior, keep your interactions with them serious and direct. Control your presence and absence in a reward-punishment fashion until they refrain from their condescending ways.

The Jokester

Dominant Temperament: Sanguine

The Jokester is annoying, insecure, weak, obnoxious, never serious, selfish, corny, offensive, sarcastic, socially inept, crass, crude, desperate for attention, superficial, disrespectful, loud, tenacious, offensive, and unaware of others. 

~ Lillian Glass~

Tune in:

Dealing with Jokesters is both difficult and irritating. You can hardly find ease and comfort even when their jokes actually make you laugh. Jokesters will always look for opportunities of dark humor; the kind that makes you smile and frown at the same time. They throw hostile jokes that keep you in a real dilemma weather to laugh, cry, or just walk away. They will always try to justify themselves with phrases like: come on, can’t you take a joke? Come on, I was only kidding, or come on, laugh it out, it was only a joke. Because they are too coward to confront you directly of what is bothering them, they will be hostile to you indirectly.

A Power Play:

The power play you can use with Jokesters is the too serious, tough, but caring conversations. It will be challenging to set their mode into talking serious conversations but it can be achievable. Because Jokesters have low self-esteem and strive for the crowd to like them by putting clown performances, no criticism or harsh jokes can affect their behavior or cut their behavior down. This is why you need to disdain their jokes, be overly serious and force them to respect you even when it had to be done unwillingly. Never compete with Jokesters into making dark humor or hostile jokes with them, you will always loose unless you are a Jokester yourself; Jokesters have absolutely no limits for tenacious dagger-like joke telling. Unless you are ready to be emotionally bleeding, keep their humor away from you at all costs.

The Silent but Deadly Volcano

Dominant Temperament: Phlegmatic

The Silent but Deadly Volcano is unstable, non-communicative, conspiratorial, picky, fault-finding, unreliable, weak, enigmatic, sneaky, irrational, mercurial, mysterious, resentful, wimpy, and out of control. 

~ Lillian Glass~

Tune in:

Dealing with Silent but Deadly Volcanoes is the most frightening of all. You never know when the eruption of the screaming lava is coming. Once the lava is out, it will burn any relationship ties and every solid interaction you have had with the Silent but Deadly Volcano. The experience is traumatizing in a way that you will be basically in a suspended terror state from the first eruption to eternity with that person. Silent but Deadly Volcanoes use the terror-suspension technique to cultivate an aura of unpredictability. Their silence may look comforting and a conversation relief, but, this is their way of collecting and gathering solid conversational material to eject as insults at you when their ready to erupt.

Because Silent but Deadly Volcanoes live opposite extremes apparently and interiorly. They bounce between their characters in impulses with a control over their out-of-control behavior; meaning that they will intimidate you with the right amount of terror they need to tune your reactions. They never say what really bothers them, but they want you to know, in any moment, a rage bomb might be exploding at you. When Silent but Deadly Volcanoes establish this terror-suspension state, they will sabotage your fear into fulfilling their demands and desires.

A Power Play:

The power play you can use with Silent but Deadly Volcanoes is calm-questioning. Your aim in dealing with this type is to dig into their persona with calm questions as though you are using an explosive mine detector. Because Silent but Deadly Volcanoes are silent and self-contained with emotions, it could be hard to the normal person to anticipate what goes on in their minds. The most effective way to avoid their terrorizing behavior is by getting them to talk which is a tough task to achieve. Ask logical open-ended questions and monitor their responses simultaneously; the more words you can extract, better yet with calm responses, the more bombs of insults and rage you diffuse.

The Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber

Dominant Temperament: Phlegmatic

Secondary Temperament: Sanguine

The Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber is clandestine, sneaky, slick, secretive, uncommunicative, dishonest, seductive, sabotaging, selfish, phony, duplicitous, enigmatic, fake, conspiratorial, evasive, hypocritical, lying, mean-spirited, meddling, superficial, cowardly, untrustworthy, a double-crosser and a turncoat. 

~ Lillian Glass~

Tune in:

Dealing with Smiling Two-Faced Backstabbers can be the most hurtful experience of all. Nothing hurts more than to know that you have been betrayed by someone you trust. Their selective emotional sympathy will give you the grounds of safely sharing your weakness. Tricking you into their unquestionable nondisclosure, they open both their hearts and ears wide open as they disarm you totally with their cunning and charming ways. Once you become their victim, you can only blame yourself for trusting them because sharing your story with anyone will only convey your naivety.

This type is very dangerous and the most envious when overstepping people in a group setting. Gaining power and control by discovering individuals’ vulnerabilities is their perpetual seeking desire. Smiling Two-Faced Backstabbers are like chameleons, they change color, character, or personalities in order to get into your weaknesses. Whenever they deem your weaknesses useful, they will sell you out cold-heartedly.

A Power Play:

The power play you can use with Smiling Two-Faced Backstabbers is discretion. But more importantly, first, you have to recognize them and investigate the signs of their character before it is too late. It is not hard to recognize this type of people; you need to look for the character’s signs of envy. Once you share a successful experience of yours, watch their eyes as they tumble down with disdain and hostility. Then look for their face expressions of disappointment; as they congratulate you, you will notice their voice tensioned and strained just like they are about to chock. After a while, you’ll hear how they gossiped about you in a distorted and negative manner. The moment you recognize a Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber, do not commit and do not trust. Operate as though you’re dealing with a spy in action. Expect some clandestine gossiping and adjust accordingly. Keep your accomplishments or failures to yourself and be on the lookout.