The Destiny Project - When in doubt, DO !

Chapter Twenty Eight

We inherit about twenty percent of our destinies from our parents. And another fifteen percent from the formal education we receive.

The rest of it comes from the books we read, the friends we make, and things we say yes, or say no to. In other words, I would safely conclude that more than sixty percent of our lives are governed by the choices we make or decisions we take. That’s quite a lot , isn’t it – considering that most decisions are called for while sitting on the fence of doubt, to do or not to do ? Also, by and large, we are all programmed during our growing up years to stay put or do nothing when in doubt, the logic being – we often make poor decisions when in doubt.

Older I get, less and less convinced I am by this claim. Maybe more so because of an inherent impulsive streak I possess in my character that makes me more of a ‘do-er’ than a ‘mull-er’. Till a considerable part of my grown up life, I used to think of this trait as something of a disability in myself. Then gradually I began to notice that speedy decision making is a common denominator in all good leaders and there was nothing to be self conscious about. Yes, one needs to exercise his / her best judgment , using all possible insights and draw from past experience. The legendary Jack Welch used to always stress on the importance of ‘timely’ decision making as one of the key requisites of a leader. And I daresay that most of the rut in the political and corporate world around us is due to people not willing to take decisions, especially decisions in time. If you have read Malcolm Gladwell's 'Blink', the author offers several fascinating insights on how / why majority of decisions actually happen almost instantaneously in our minds and often without error. It is just human nature to stretch the process for self-validation.

Now that I have crossed forty, I can look back , analyze & join the dots that have led me to where I stand today. Obviously I reached nowhere near many high achievers whom I admired all my life . Nor did I turn out to be an exemplary human being, an extraordinary husband or a Superdad. Strangely, whenever I try to get to the bottom of things I failed in, I see a stalled decision of mine staring at me from that dot . Likewise, for whatever little I managed to accomplish with my modest faculties, I realize that every small achievement was due to a decision I took at that particular juncture and when I refused to sit on the fence. As someone had famously said, a person on a deathbed never regrets the decisions he took, but mostly ones he didn’t. So yes, I too have my regrets on paths I did not choose and lives I did not pursue because of circumstances, fear and self-doubts.

But again, I also rate the following as the top eleven crossroads in my life, times when I needed to make a call on whether to stay or jump, and when I eventually jumped. By God’s grace, each time I jumped, I swam to a new shore, to new possibilities and emerged a happier human being.

1. 1991 (Engineering) – Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to become a journalist. Or maybe, a doctor. Or a civil services professional perhaps ? In short, I never had any clarity about what to do with my life, at least till I finished school and till I did not make it to the IITs, the AIIMS , the ISM or any of the coveted institutes that the better crop of the country’s youngsters were headed for. I knew I had to make a call about my future and choose a vocation. I chose engineering, the farthest & unlikeliest choice as far as my comfort zone went, given my particular apathy for mathematics. But I somehow felt that the time had come to stop bullshitting myself and get into a course that can set me up for a faster debut in my professional arena and more importantly, which would call for lesser number of years with textbooks, knowing my own limitations when it came to focused concentration on academics.

2. 1993 (To Hell, and back) – Soon into my course, thanks to my inherent wayward ways, my wrong company ( a best friend who was as toxic as he was negative) and a deeply fractured relationship that was doing more harm than the good it ever did to me – I managed to accomplish the unthinkable. I flunked in three papers, something that had never happened to me in my nineteen years of life (staying near the top of my class was more an egoistic need for me, rather than any ambitious streak of mine) . Failure stung me sharply and suddenly, humiliating me beyond imagination. I had two options – spend the next two months at the university, exchanging venom with my bum chum ( who was busy blaming the University, his father and our neighbor’s dog for his debacle) & writing sob stories to my disinterested girlfriend , OR to get back home and face my parents’ wrath & handle the embarrassment in our small hometown . I did the latter. Till date, I haven’t forgotten my dad’s disappointed eyes and my mum’s crestfallen face when I entered the living room that July afternoon. By night, I had run out of my cigarettes, my self-pity and my tears . I knew I could allow myself to be cornered & slaughtered by life , or I could fight back. I fought back . I cleared those papers and went ahead to top the same university a couple of years later. Oh yes, along the way- I also thankfully parted ways with my wrong friend ( who kept whining about the whole world for a few more years and then, dropped out into oblivion) and broke off with my ‘steady’ girlfriend who was, at that point in time, getting ready to be married off to some geek in the US. Aah yeah , during that period she had actually called me once to ask if I wanted to continue the relationship. I hung up. I had moved on. Another decision well taken.

3. 1997 (Commitment) – This was a landmark year for me in many respects. A new city, a new job and a new life. All three sucked. And then came along Arunima, my once classmate from high school. Somewhere along the way as we lent ears to one another’s miseries and theories of why we cannot ever fall in love again, we did – with the unlikeliest of people, with each other. And as they say, when love happens, it empowers and emboldens us. A decision to marry so young and to soon start a family, all standing on my wobbly career ( she had just finished her MA and was into her B.Ed) taking its baby steps then – was a brave one. And a right one. That single decision transformed me from being a boy to being a man. I hated the new limitations set on my hedonistic self. I hated the new responsibilities that came with this decision. But I loved my wife more than those things. So I adapted and I changed. For the better. Looking back, I am glad I made this call on that June morning. The right partner comes along only once in a lifetime. If you mull, delay and contemplate, you lose the chance for ever.

4.1998 ( Sales) – The first two years of my professional life were spent in trying to secure a conventionally respectable engineering job. I was a ‘Systems Engineer’, a circle head for a large Telecom company and the state in-charge for the installation and commissioning of the 7/15GW microwave network for the then new cellular backbone in India. It was the kind of job which many young engineers would die for. I was totally miserable. I hated it with all my heart. My calling was people, my passion was definitely not designed around lifeless telecom towers, complicated circuit diagrams and a string of measuring instruments that I wanted to secretly destroy . So in 1998, I took a somewhat bold decision and quit my job. I joined Philips lighting as a Junior Sales Manager, heading sales for Orissa. My new job hit me like first love .By late 1998 when I would set off on those treacherous road trips ( my exasperated & then 4-month pregnant wife waving at me from the 3rd floor balcony), I was on a roll . And that marked the beginning of a new and exciting chapter in my life. I ran into bumps, setbacks, monster bosses, unmet budgets, bad teams and horrible quarters. I also ran into recognitions, success, trophies and some extraordinary people, seniors and juniors alike - many of who became part of my extended family for good as I got older.

5.2003 (Financial services) – Just when I had started to become a fast tracker in the consumer durables industry ( and an Assistant General Manager with GE Consumer products while still in my 20s), I started feeling something amiss. I instinctively sensed that I needed a change of scene to round myself up as a professional and to get into an industry where one needs to ‘sell’, rather than being a part of one where customers come to you and ‘buy’. With everyone around me calling it professional suicide, I joined Allianz (Insurance) on the 7th of August 2003 and took up an assignment to lead some of the worst branches of the new organization. I struggled, I groped, I fought and I grew – In those first six months, I developed in ways I could never have managed in my earlier industry even in six years. Till date, I attribute my people management skills, my risk appetite and whatever good sales leadership qualities I have, to those years in the financial services industry. Oh yes, during these three years there, on the 6th of September 2004, I kicked my 16 year old habit of smoking. From being a 30- a- day smoker, I became a nonsmoker in a single day, another decision that paid huge dividends in my life to come.

6. 2006 ( Getting back to the core) – After three years and some good performances recorded in my CV, I knew I had to get back to my core industry once more, now that my education was complete. There was nothing new that financial services could teach me now. I accepted a relatively compromised role in one of my ex-organizations and went back. It was a tough year. I collided with a series of personal and professional challenges all at once. Among the many lessons learnt, the first was – no matter how big a star you have been in any organization, once you leave and go back there, you have to start from minus fifty. You not only need to prove your worth all over again, but also combat some pretty intense entry barriers and organizational politics that would never cease trying to have you fail. I didn’t give up. In fact, after a back-breaking year, I broke all previous records I had held in this organization in my first innings and cracked more business than all my detractors put together in 2006 . In less than a year, I was promoted and moved to Delhi. I was back in the game, sharper and stronger than ever before. And yeah, it was towards the later part of 2006 that I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and decided to make fitness a priority in my life. In those six months that followed, I dropped 35 kilos and actually started sporting a 6-pack. While I am not a vain person when it comes to externals , but I would say that it did wonders to my self- confidence anyhow . Btw, I still have four packs left. And I can still out-run many 20 year olds in marathons I participate. Not bad, eh ?

7. 2008 ( Back to GE) – By the middle of 2008, I was getting restless once again. I was getting older and knew that I had to get into some serious P&L roles. My problem was that my background was more like a top line mercenary who could fetch numbers in difficult and diverse circumstances. But I lacked the strategic mind , mostly because I had never been to a top B school. I also knew I could not afford a sabbatical and go and fetch myself a good MBA. During this period, I got an offer to join GE’s 2 year ECLP program under its Crotonville umbrella . Till date I have no clue why they offered me this opportunity ( given the fact that the entry criteria was a MBA from one of the top B schools in the world + 8-10 years of relevant work experience). It was a tough decision to quit a comfortable Bi-regional Sales head’s job and join a rotational program where I would be required to lead four separate strategic assignments in four different GE businesses. It was during this period that I brushed shoulders with some of the sharpest Ivy League graduates from all over the world ( Harvard, Princeton, Michigan, IIMs..and so on). I knew it was too late in life from me to start from the scratch and develop myself to compete with them on their terms. So I just went about being myself and doing the best I could - another decision that went in my favor ( Being a first –hand & best ‘me’ was always better than trying to be a second hand & second best someone else) During those two years, I turned around a GE business in India, rolled out the channel framework for another and also set up the entire enquiry to remittance process of yet another business. I received two global recognitions ( including one from the CMO of GE ) during these two years and my Sales Force Effectiveness project went ahead to be among the top 3 projects in the world to be showcased to the top brass in the marketing council of the organization. At the end of the program – I had three job offers from three GE businesses, two of which were extensions of stuff I had already done before and hence, cake walk for me. The third and the toughest was in GE Energy, the role of a Sales Director, heading GE’s core Gas turbine business for India and the SAARC countries. I chose it.

8. 2010 ( Power Sector) – Getting into a new industry so late in life and taking up the key portfolio can be daunting. But I had already jumped. So I knew I had to make a good job of it. Luck was with me. During those two years, we managed to set unimaginable milestones in India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. Yes, it was tough for me, teaching myself the nuances and the dynamics of the industry as I went along. Those were two years of incessant travel, dizzy and high value contract signatures, celebrations and fun. Two years down the line , I received a global recognition & was nominated to speak to all employees of GE Power & Water (worldwide) & share our success story through a webcast. I felt proud not just as a professional, but also as an Indian from a small town . Professionally, I had peaked and plateaued . Life was comfortable. I knew I was sitting on a cosy zone for the next few years at least. And then, I quit my job. As I said earlier, comfort zones scare me and make me insecure.

9. 2012 (Asia Pacific) – Plunging into a new organization, a new product line and also a new region with 12 countries can be intimidating. Especially so when you have no clue of how you are going to set up a business in a new land by yourself where you know nothing. But by then, I was in. I knew that the only way out was to move forward. And going forward, we led the closure of the largest ever contract my organization had ever signed till then, in 2013. From zero, we were suddenly leading the global topline. I had somehow managed to find a foothold in the toughest region of the world in terms of market diversity, competition and entry barriers. I was eagerly looking forward to a repeat in 2014. And then, life happened. The next year hit me hard.

10. 2014-15 ( Life happens) – 2014 turned out to be a bad year. Possibly the toughest in my life so far. On one hand, I was battling severe professional roadblocks due to the overall slowdown in the sector and on the other hand, on the personal front, I abruptly lost my father. My world started falling apart. For the first time in my forty years, I felt like giving up. I felt like I had finally lost my mojo and was not up to it anymore . I thought I should quit. Then I decided to give myself one last chance in November. With a torn hamstring, I limped my way out of Incheon (Seoul) airport in my last attempt to close a contract I had been unsuccessfully chasing for many months now. Ten days later, we closed it. It went ahead to become the largest contract for my business (globally) that year. Among other things, it brought me back to my feet. And within two months from that, we closed the largest ever contract in the industry, setting a completely new benchmark in the region. . Looking back, it might not have been possible if I had quit in November 2014 because ‘life was happening’ to me. Life happens to everyone and I was no exception. I am thankful I did not sit wallowing in self-pity, but rather chose to get back and fight.

11. 2017 (Nothing personal about it) – In 2017, owing to a strategic realignment in the business I was then part of, the vertical which I was leading, was decided to be made redundant – meaning, my peers across the world and I had to find ourselves new jobs within , or leave within a certain time window. Like anybody else, initially I took this to heart. I was angry, hurt, humiliated at the ‘unfair’ scheme of things, and went around blowing a trumpet about my past trophies to anyone who would care to listen ( mostly , my family :) ) , and was also aghast why the world was not slipping into a catastrophe just because I was about to be out of a job. A week later, I calmed down and took stock of the situation. It was obviously not the end of the road for me , especially since I still had a job and also a set of irreversible capabilities and track record to back me up . Gulping down my pride, I started reaching out to people I knew within the organisation. To my surprise, no one was judgmental, not even the senior leaders. Especially the senior leaders. In a week, I had interview meetings set up with four different business units. Yes, not all of them could have worked. But I was amazed at the empathy and support from within the organisation, and a lesson learnt that your past good performance and your networking always comes to your aid during cycles of disruption . Long story short, by the end of the third week, I had closed two internal job offers ( besides an external one as well) , of which I chose one that suited my personal priorities and sent a polite apology to the other hiring manager and his HRM, both of who graciously accepted it and wished me the best. Sometimes, in large organisations, certain decisions are made keeping the organisational priorities in mind. While there can be some petty politics at a micro level, the larger picture is always about the organisation. If your role is made redundant or your business is sold off, it doesn’t belittle you as a professional. It is not personal.

The last three years since then have been lukewarm, for the lack of a better word, where I have been doing a similar role in different business lines. To be honest, these years have also been trophy-less, a new experience for me that has humbled me. After an initial internal resistance, I have learnt to acknowledge the bigger picture, and understood why we need such phases in your life. Success makes us happy and feeds our ego. Often, success also makes us vain and arrogant. Looking back, I feel I perhaps needed this dressing down to shed some of my arrogance and embrace humility. The last three years have taught me one of the most important lessons of my life – Be grateful under good times and be graceful under bad times.

The purpose of this chapter was not to go on a bragathon, boasting of what an incredibly cool guy I am. Far from it actually . I am the perpetually insecure man from a small town who is forever frightened of comfort. Maybe that keeps me going in a world where there are so many people who are far more talented and far more smarter than me. All I want to say is – life often hurls us at crucial forks which are decision points that shape our destinies. Once in a while, we need to burn our boats when we reach such a bend . We should sometimes disagree to the age old wisdom of ' When in doubt, DON'T !' and rather embrace - 'When in doubt - DO !'. On most occasions, we do manage to go forward.

Howard Suber ( UCLA) perhaps said it best. You cannot run away from fate. It comes to get you. Destiny however, is to be chased. As we trudge through the first two decades of professional life, we start understanding the role of fate. We make peace with our limits and limitations, and pragmatically link them to fate. The missed promotion, the broken marriage, the pink slip, so on. Caught up in the inevitability of fate in our stories by the time we hit forty, we completely forget our destiny project from age twenty, which now lies gathering dust in a forgotten brown diary in the basement of our memories. Go ahead. Dust out your brown diary this year. It will shake you up, haunt you for weeks, and eventually set you free. From fate. To be you.

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Did this post connect with you ? If yes, you might like the other 74 chapters in my new book "As You Life It", which are standalone reads in themselves, stories like these, an Everyman's journey at intermission, documented by one Everyman for fellow Everymen.

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