Despite lockdown, I did not learn to knit......

This is not quite the joyous Christmas post I'd imagined I would be writing.

It's been a bit of a schizophrenic year to say the least.

A year of extremes, liberating highs and debilitating lows - so much care and humanity and at the same time so much fear, trauma and judgement.

A time of unprecedented challenges, divisions at the most fundamental level, decisions having to be made that are beyond our wildest imagination and some truly mind boggling conspiracy theories.

There's no point pretending it's been easy, nor that we are out of the woods yet - we are not and there is still a way to go.

But we are still here, we have made it through 2 lockdowns, we are still (just about) keeping our sh*t together and we do have each other, albeit virtually a lot of the time.

I and I suspect many others, have fluctuated from sheer joy at the liberation that came with lock down - I stopped being an unpaid taxi service and single parent as Mr D started working from home, I didn't have to plan or pay for overseas holidays (I hadn't realised just how much of a dent they can make in the budget), could take an afternoon nap, leave my hair unwashed for days, wander around bra-less (first time in 15 years) and by the time I'd found the razor for my legs, it had gone rusty, to pure despair and a real sense of hopelessness.

Home schooling was a f*cking nightmare, I couldn't do quadratic equations the first time round never mind mid-menopause, a lack of personal space and quiet time nearly resulted in me begging my GP to admit me to a ward with padded walls, the sheer volume of cooking, washing and cleaning was enough to test the patience of a f*cking saint and the amount of energy required to maintain a daily structure, including exercise for the gang was herculean.

But here we all are, in one piece, relatively sane, warm, safe, fed and loved.

And as I look back at the last year, I can absolutely confirm I have not:

a)learnt how to knit

b) read any books on how to be a better parent

c) lost any weight

d) reduced my alcohol intake

e) stopped swearing in front of my children (in fact I just let them do it now - as long as it's context, of course.....) or

e) discovered what or who is really important - I already knew that, witnessing sh*tty deaths does that for you.

However, I have developed my on-line shopping skills even further, if that is even possible, embraced being a grumpy cow on a regular basis, become so good at crying I think I could start a career as a 'crying stand-in' on films, introduced the word f*ck into pretty much every sentence I use (Billy Connolly eat your heart out), found some funky face masks, had a go at returning to work, re-watched every Richard Curtis film ever made, fallen completely in love with Hugh Grant all over again and developed my skills at a hairdressing, much to the boys delight.

So, all in all, an unexpected, challenging and liberating year which, on balance, I'd prefer not to repeat again if possible.

And I know that this will pass, we will get through it, it will be difficult and feel hopeless at times, but it is not.

We do have each other, we will find a way out of this and next years message will be different.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to others and please `just keep taking the next best step.

With love

Nik x

A bit about me: I aspire to inspire people to be themselves, to embrace all of themselves, warts and all. To re-define our reality, to be more honest and sustainable. To re-define success, to be more diverse and focus on the stuff that really matters, not the shiny sh?t, that you cannot take with you anyway.

No-one will remember what car you drove, but my goodness, they will remember if you made them smile, feel good about themselves and accepted them for who they are. It is the gifts of kindness and understanding that will last beyond your lifetime, not the gifts of gold.

I'm a mum, writer, transformation consultant and all round eccentric, doing my own thing, in my own way, in the hope I can make others smile and love themselves a little bit more.

My blog, library of curiosity, daily inspiration and lots of other things, can be found on my website www.nikdavis.com.

My alternative and eclectic approach to fashion and design can be found at www.lillyisabella.co.uk.

I love people, I love life and I love to talk, so please feel free to reach out and let's have a conversation.