Desperate Recruiter Meets "Content" Writer

Disclaimer: This fictional conversation between two individuals is a lighthearted take on the growing influence of AI in our lives. It also serves as a nod to the incredible recruiters out there, who continue to excel in their work. Any resemblance to real individuals, whether living or "toiling," is purely coincidental!

Recruiter: Hello, am I speaking with Mr. Dhavan?

Candidate:?No

Recruiter:?Is your number 98xxxxxx22?

Candidate:?Yes

Recruiter:?Then you must be Mr. Dhavan!

Candidate:?No, I am not.

Recruiter:?How can that be? It says here in your resume that your name is M.A. DHAVAN.

Candidate:?It’s Madhavan!

Recruiter:?Oh! Are you sure?

Candidate:?Yes. I’m positive. I have been Madhavan for about thirty years now. My friends call me Maddy, but to the rest of the world I have been Madhavan.

Recruiter:?Ok. If you say so. We would, however, need to see some documentation to verify that. Actually, housekeeping hasn’t cleaned our monitors in several weeks. So those dots after M and A may simply be specks of dirt on the screen.

Candidate:?Ok, glad to have that part cleared. So, what is this about?

Recruiter:?It is regarding a job opening we have at our Bangalore office. For an Artificial Intelligence Creative Director.

Candidate:?Sorry, I don’t know much about Artificial Intelligence.

Recruiter:?Are you serious??

Candidate?(The first hint of self-doubt creeping into voice): Yes

Recruiter:?Can you at least do some AI copywriting?

Candidate?(Feebly): No

Recruiter?(Sharp intake of breath that is audible to candidate): So what can you do?

Candidate:?I am a content writer.

Recruiter:?If you are so content, why did you post your resume on this job portal?

Candidate?(Confused out of his wits): What! Oh, not ‘content’ that way. I mean I write content for online books and websites.

Recruiter:?What sort of job is that!

Candidate?(Slightly defensive): Well, it is a decent kind of job. I get paid and all for it.

Recruiter:?Never mind all that. We are talking about a proper job here. You know the kind that keeps you in office from 9AM to 9PM and sometimes beyond.

Candidate:?I’m listening.

Recruiter:?So how soon do you think you can learn Artificial Intelligence?

Candidate:?Huh! Learn Artificial Intelligence? Why would I want to do that?

Recruiter?(wondering why she gets to deal with all the idiots in the world): Because you can avail this great opportunity to work with a company with a $600 million turnover, that has offices across the globe, and which works on the latest cutting-edge technology. You know, I am really shocked at how you are surviving without knowing Artificial Intelligence.

Candidate: I guess I make do with Natural Stupidity...heh, heh.

Recruiter: What is Natural Stupidity? Is that some new technology that’s going to take over the world?

Candidate: What! Oh, no! It’s taken over the world already. A long time ago, in fact. It’s been there since Time Immemorial.

Recruiter: Time Immemorial…never heard of that company. Is it a start up or something that’s come up with this new technology?

Candidate: Eh?

Recruiter: Never mind. The department for which we are currently hiring does not need this technology. I could check with the Innovations Department, though. In fact, I think they already have a lot of people who are experts at Natural Stupidity.

Candidate: Oh, OK! Erm…you were talking about your company…

Recruiter (warming up to her usual spiel, again):?Ah, yes. Then you get to spend a significant portion of your day in this wonderful environment with a bunch of talented people who never seem to want to go home.

Candidate: Heh, heh…that’s because by the time they make it back home in the Bangalore traffic, it’s time to start for office again!

Recruiter (Ignoring the comment): And you get to do conference calls with people in far off places like the US and UK using the trendiest laptops that all our employees are provided with.

Candidate:?Why would I need a laptop? Why can’t I simply use a desktop?

Recruiter:?Desktop?? How will you work from home?

Candidate:?Why would I ever want to work from home?

Recruiter?(patiently, as if talking to a five-year old): See, as you grow into the job, you would be given more responsibilities. So you will have to take some work home.

Candidate:?Oh! I see!

Recruiter?(lowering her voice to a conspiratory whisper): And you know what, we also give our employees in senior positions the latest smart phones…so that you are always connected.

Candidate:?But, there are times when I would not want to be connected!

Recruiter?(not fully able to come to grasps with the situation): Oh! How old did you say you were? Thirty? That explains this unhealthy desire to remain disconnected! Never mind, all that will change once you take up this offer. By the way, would you be planning to take any leave this year?

Candidate:?Yes. I would want to take some days off around New Year. Is that a problem?

Recruiter:?Why would you want to take leave? How long will you sit at home and stare at your wife?

Candidate (Quickly checking if the call is from Tarzan & Lubro):?Huh!

Recruiter:?By the way, Mr. Dhavan, you are married right?

Candidate?(shyly): No, No. Not yet. But my parents are looking for a suitable match. They are a little orthodox so they want the girl to…

Recruiter:?You may want to rethink that!

Candidate says something that sounds like “Sputter! Sputter! Gasp! Gasp!”

Recruiter:?I mean, if you don’t have a wife you wouldn’t have to worry about staying at home and staring at her. You know staring at someone, even your own wife, is offensive, right? So what do you think? Aren't you feeling enthused?

Candidate: "Abused," is more like it!

Recruiter: Sorry?

Candidate?(taking a moment to gather his breath and several more to gather his wits): So, let me summarize your offer. You are offering me a job that would keep me in office for fifteen hours a day…

Recruiter:?Yes

Candidate:…and?then ensure that I am "connected" for another four hours…

Recruiter:?More or less. “More” is more likely. Remember, “nobody at home to stare at!”

Candidate:…Thanks for rubbing that in! And?which will encourage me to never plan any leave .

Recruiter?(Happily): Yes!

Candidate:…or even dream of getting married.

Recruiter?(almost in raptures): Yuss! You got it, Mr. Dhavan.

Candidate?(Ignoring that):…and all this for a skill set that I do not even have! So, does that sound like a good summation? Did I miss anything?

Recruiter:?The Smart Phone, Mr. Dhavan, the Smart Phone!

Candidate:?Yes, of course, the Smart Phone. How could I miss that!

Recruiter?(laughing indulgently): No problem, Mr. Dhavan. I know that talking to me can be a little overwhelming. So what do you think?

Candidate:?When do you expect me to join?

Recruiter?(sounding all business like): See, this is an urgent requirement. We absolutely want you to join next week.

Candidate:…Next?week! So…you want me to, like, master Artificial Intelligence…over the weekend or something?

Recruiter:?See, Mr. Dhavan. Just between you and me, I am under some pressure to close this position quickly. And considering that you are already a master of Natural Stupidity, it may not take you much time to learn Artificial Intelligence.

Candidate:?Oddly, that makes sense!

Recruiter: So, what do you think?

Candidate: You know what? I never realized before this conversation that I am actually a ‘content’ writer. Very content, in fact. So thanks for the offer, but no thanks.

Recruiter?(clearly disappointed):?You have no idea what you are missing by refusing the offer, Mr. Dhavan!

Candidate:?True, but I do have a good idea what I would be missing if I take it up. Bye!