Derek Finnamore on the Significance of Pride

Derek Finnamore shares his experiences growing up as a queer individual, the importance of celebrating Pride, and the diversity within the 2SLGBTQIA+ community.

I’m gay

Those words are still difficult for me to write, and even harder to say out loud. There is a small pang of anxiety I feel anytime I out myself directly like that. The first person to whom I ever said those words was myself, in front of a mirror, and at the time I could barely stand to look at myself as I said it. I grew up hearing all my peers and friends (and myself) say “that’s gay” about anything and everything bad or unwanted that ever happened. For nearly my entire childhood and adolescence it was instilled in me that gay was bad. And so now, even over 15 years since I first came out, to say “I’m gay” still brings up faint memories of internalized homophobia and intense feelings of shame and guilt about being bad, being wrong, being unwanted.

At this point in my life, and with all the other privilege I have, it really is just a faint memory. But even today, even in Victoria, it’s not that easy for everyone. Most people do not share the same privileges that insulate me from the homophobia and other anti-queer forces in our culture and politics. I can understand that for some people, it’s easy to look around and see rainbow flags flown everywhere you look, corporations clambering to make Pride a central theme in their branding every June, and an ever-expanding queer alphabet, to see all that and think, “wow, things have changed so much in the past 20 years, it must be so easy and accepting to be queer these days.” But that’s not the reality for everyone. If you are over the age of 54, within your lifetime gay people were in prison in Canada for the “crime” of being queer. A couple decades of rainbow painted crosswalks is not enough to undo the effects that centuries of persecution and violence have had on queer culture and identity.

WHY is Pride (still) important?

For me, Pride isn’t about the pride one feels for accomplishment or anything boastful; instead, it’s about everything that Pride is in opposition to: shame, guilt, fear, self-loathing. For me, it’s about overriding all those memories and self-destructive thoughts I had growing up every time I heard “that’s gay,” and replacing them with new memories and experiences of community and celebration where gay is good! Queer is good!

There’s an aspect of coming out and struggling to discover one’s true self that is actually very liberating. Pride is a place to not only remind ourselves of that liberation, but to share it with new people who are only just starting to discover it for themselves. Even if you’re cisgender and straight (not that there’s anything wrong with that), you can share in that same liberation. My wish is not for a future where queer people have completely abandoned a personal struggle of discovering their authentic selves, but for cisgender and straight people to join us in that struggle. A struggle that is free from violence, shame, and persecution, but still a struggle, nonetheless. Even for cis-straight people, the feeling of confidence one has in their own identity after that struggle is far more rewarding than having been told who you are and just accepting what you’ve been told because it feels true enough.

2SLGBTQIA+ (and more to come)

We’ve been adding a lot of letters to our queer alphabet lately. But you know what? If BCI’s accounting system needs over 100 security types to adequately differentiate the nuances of investment instruments, we would have to be na?ve to think that less than a dozen letters could differentiate the full spectrum of human identity, love, and intimacy! Knowledge, and the language to differentiate that knowledge, is what gives us power. Every type of queer or atypical expression of human existence is a new inspiration and permission for all of us to be our most authentic selves. Yes, even if your authentic self is cis and straight, every letter we add to 2SLGBTQIA+ is another bulwark against the oppressive and stifling force of conformity that limits all of us. Queer diversity is proof for all of us that we don’t need to conform to others’ expectations about who we ought to be and who we ought to love.

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Derek Finnamore is a Senior Analyst in BCI’s Investment Performance team. We thank Derek for sharing his personal story and teaching us that staying true to ourselves and paving the way for future generations to freely be able to discover themselves is what’s truly empowering.

What does meaningful allyship mean to us? It means making our workplace inclusive and safe to allow BCIers to come to work knowing that they belong. It means creating a culture that allows everyone to take up space and be their best and most authentic selves. This #PrideMonth , BCI is committed to continuing our work in uplifting the voices of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. Learn more about equity, diversity, and inclusion at BCI: https://www.bci.ca/approach/equity-diversity-inclusion/

#Pride2022 #Allyship #BuildingMeaningfulFutures