Depression - We need to talk

There is no enemy greater than the enemy within. It seems that self-sabotage is a primary trait of the human race. But why do we do it?

We have systems that are essential to life. They are part of our fundamental "programming".

Fear is an important one. Were it not for this entirely necessary function, what would stop us driving off a cliff, or driving on the wrong side of the road, for example? (well, logic of course, but that's not the point).

Without something to warn us we are in danger (ie. Fear and Anxiety), we would continue quite obliviously through life, not being alert to all kinds of dangers.

Modern society seems to want to condition us to believe that all Fear and Anxiety is bad. If Fear is bad, and let's just say for arguments sake that it is a kind of Hell, then the absence of Fear is a Thousand Hells all at once. Without that instinct, what is going to tell you to "RUN!" ? What prevents you from being dazzled by the headlights and run over ?

We can't live without Anxiety. It is as essential to us as oxygen, food or water. But what if Anxiety gets to a point where it is excessive and unmanageable? We then experience another fundamental part of the Human condition: Depression. This is nature's safety valve, our defence against extremes of Anxiety.

Like Pain, Depression is there to signal us that something is wrong. If it is prolonged and severe, something is very wrong. This is when you need to seek help. Because Depression can escalate quickly - unbelievably quickly.

The root cause for this Pain that we call "Depression" may simply be too much Anxiety for too long. Or, it may be a severe and prolonged stage of Grief.

Grief is a response to some great upheaval or trauma and usually involves a profound sense of loss. There is no set time for how long this grieving process should last. But the longer we dwell on it, the longer the depressed mood is going to last. There is no way to "snap out of it", as some people might helpfully suggest. Nor are Chemical Treatments likely to work in every case (Please do get professional and independent advice on the best treatment(s) for your specific situation).

Particularly when we have an ongoing circumstance which seems to be a catalyst for our grief and pain, and where there seems to be no resolution to the situation or end in sight, Depression can become entrenched and things may seem hopeless.

But we need to remind ourselves that there is always something we can do. There is always a way forward in every situation. Here are just a few possible remedies - there may be many more:

Re-analyse your Priorities

I was speaking to a Counsellor and he stood up and wrote 5 things on the board. Let's call them Resolutions. These are things that are definite goals and something important to us.

There is an old saying that "each one knows his own plague and his pain". The thing that looms large in your life - the injustice, the unfairness, the inequality - the thing that hurts you the most and the situation that you dearly wish to bring to an end or get some closure from... where is it in your list? Likely, if we are being entirely honest with ourselves, it is in the #1 spot.

What the Counsellor said to me was profound: That thing - that plague or pain, is probably always going to be in our top 5 list of concerns. But can we assign it a lower priority? Can we mentally move it down the list to #5, and whenever we find ourselves dwelling on it, tell ourselves that we aren't focusing on that particular problem at the moment ?

Find the Positives

When we are in a depressed state, the last thing we seem capable of doing is finding something positive. But there must be some prospect - some goal - that still gives us a warm and hopeful feeling when we think about it. Hope may be in extremely short supply, but we must search for it. Anything at all, even if it seems like grasping at straws. It may be just a flickering candle, so to speak, but let that light burn in your mind. Find just a handful of things that truly matter to you and put them in your mind as priorities. Tell yourself regularly why they are important to you. Keep them in your mind as Priorities #1, #2, #3, #4 ....

Newton's Third Law

If every action has an equal and opposite reaction, then it follows that for every belief the converse can also be true.

For example, who would deny that "Life is unfair sometimes"? But implicit in that statement is that at other times, Life can also be the opposite.

Sometimes it's more than unfair, but sometimes it's more than fair.

Sometimes Life deals us a very cruel hand, but sometimes Life deals us a hand that is undeniably good.

If you've been a victim of some particularly cruel or vicious treatment by others, surely at some point you have experienced kindness from people too?

Life gives and it takes. Have you ever "lost everything" and just been blindsided by how people or circumstances can take away everything you've worked for ? In such a situation, the natural thought process goes something like this: "What's the point of working hard for things if you can just lose them all, just like that" ?

Well, here is a revelation: Someone could walk up to you today with a golden opportunity. Something that literally saves you, and helps them at the same time. It may seem less likely that we would encounter such a situation than a complete disaster, but they do happen. We just happen to spend less time dwelling on these miracles and fortunate occurrences than we do on our personal disasters and losses.

We need to learn not to take these fortunate developments for granted - an opportunity, a friendship, a supporter. Make the most of them, and if you can, think about being that for someone else.

If we all thought about helping and supporting each other, imagine how life could be?

Look After Yourself

Depression saps our strength like nothing else on earth. This is why we need to pay extra attention to our Health, our Sleep, and our Wellbeing. Strive to eat healthy, get some exercise, be kind to yourself, treat yourself and your loved ones.

No matter how great the temptation may be, don't isolate yourself completely. Get out your front door, take a walk, breathe the air, experience nature. It is good for the soul and it is very necessary.

Don't "Run On Empty"

That feeling of emptiness that we experience with Depression can be deep and profound... the feeling that nothing makes us happy, or satisfies us, or gives us pleasure.

Do you ever feel that Life has no point ? Like it is literally just a series of motions we go through - things we don't even feel like doing, but have to ?

It is a mental trap, a kind of "Chinese Mind Torture", and it is practically impossible to break out of it or think our way out of it. It is one of the most diabolical things about Depression.

We need to think of ways that Life could be different. Are other people happy? Why can't we be? (If you're like me, you probably have a catalogue of 1000 different reasons).

Obviously the depressed life is not what we want. We didn't even sign up for it. There has to be another life we DO want. It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but you need to conjure up a vision of this better life. Just getting a glimpse of it may become that tiny light at the end of your tunnel.

Just know that there IS a better way and a better life out there for you.

All content by Paul Watkins. Originally posted Jan 10, 2019.