On Depression, Suicide, and Hope.

Nine years ago today my mom made a choice to leave this world. Some would say it’s a conscious choice regardless of illness/depression; others would say it’s not. As she told me after her first suicide attempt three years prior, she had no recollection of the act and that she would never choose to leave her family. I believed her and still do.

Every year, the night of February 17-18 really sucks, because I think about the mental spot my mom was in. She was suffering from a disease that she couldn’t control, from a darkness she couldn’t see her way out of, from a narrative that was erroneous. She anguished and ultimately made a choice in a dark moment to leave everything she loved because she couldn’t see a way out. She had no hope.

I try and put myself in her place about making a choice so final because you can’t see a way out. It’s a really brutal line of thinking.

Not long after her death, I was at work and a coworker was leaving for the day. I felt compelled to tell this person that I cared about them and was looking forward to seeing them the next day. It was completely random, and I’ve always been a “say what you feel” (especially if it’s kind) guy.

A few months later, this person told me that they were headed home to end their life that night. But the kind words I passed along gave them a sense of hope for the next day. When this was shared with me, I cried almost as hard as I did when my mom passed. Part of it was lamenting my mom’s decision, but the majority of it was celebrating that this individual was able to see hope in a dark moment and keep moving forward. He acted on that hope.

You have no idea what the people around you need. In 2020, it’s super easy to dismiss people and their feelings because who cares? There are a million conflicting priorities, there’s divisiveness in our society unmatched in my lifetime, and there’s a disregard for basic humanity and kindness (as demonstrated by our political leaders) that’s toxic. What will saying a kind word or a positive statement really change?

For some people, it could be a matter of life and death.

The thing is, I know for a fact my mother was this person to so many people. She always had a kind or uplifting thing to say to people she associated with. After she died, story after story surfaced documenting her empathy, kindness, and love for everyone she encountered. There’s a reason well over 1,000 people came to her funeral! She had that impact on people’s lives, and the majority of that impact came from the words she gave to others.

I’d encourage you to give kind words to others today. Genuine, positive words that can offer people life. You have no idea what the person next to you is dealing with and you have no idea what it can do for them. Say it because it’s true and you see it in them.

If you’re sad, depressed, or feel that darkness, please say something to someone. One of the biggest factors that lead to suicide is a lack of acknowledgment. Tell someone. It’s not weird, it’s not abnormal, it’s very common (25 million Americans a year are affected). Your life has value, you matter, and you are loved.

I love you, Mom. Thanks for the effect you had on my life (and so many others).

Godspeed.