Depression In Men

How do you know that behind a man's smile lies a dark cloud that weighs down on his soul?

Recently, one of our mentors in medical school committed suicide. Everyone was shocked. He was the happiest lecturer we knew and he had international accolades for his clinical and scholarly contributions to medicine. He was a loving husband, a doting father and his career was heading for the stars. We thought he had achieved everything we all hope to accomplish as doctors.

After his death, we learnt that he suffered from clinical depression. Behind his smile, lay a dark cloud that weighed down on his soul. The question that we all asked ourselves was, ‘how come we did not recognise that he was depressed?’

Depression is one of the most common mental health problems among Kenyan men. Unfortunately, it goes undiagnosed because most people do not recognise the symptoms.

Depression affects men and women differently. However, there are some common features among both sexes.

There are some more predominant in men.

Signs, symptoms in men

1. The angry man

Although depression in men can manifest as sadness and moodiness, it can also come with extreme anger. Typically, everyone avoids an angry man because he is always irritable. In the office, he is the boss who is consistently critical of his team and colleagues — nothing seems to please him.

At home, his family recoils because he snaps at everyone. His children would rather interact with their mother as opposed to dealing with him. His wife cannot have a rational discussion with him without being put down. These men also suffer from frequent bouts of road rage.

2.Reckless, compulsive behaviour

Men with depression engage in inappropriate behaviour such as reckless driving, dangerous sports or past-times, and unsafe sex. Some gamble their wealth, ignoring the needs of their dependants.

3.The abusive man

Some men become physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. They also develop control issues and harass those close to them. They are hypersensitive and lose their sense of humour.

3.The workaholic

Most men look for something to immerse themselves in to try and cope with depression. For some, they opt to drown themselves in work. This man is always the first one to arrive in the office and the last one to leave. He always carries work home.

Even his supervisors often encourages him to go home and relax, he consistently brushes the unhealthy habit off. He would rather immerse his thoughts in work rather than deal with his mental and emotional problems. (But not all workaholics are depressed).

4.Alcohol abuse

Alcohol and drug abuse is another common coping mechanism for depressed men. Unfortunately, drugs and alcohol have a downward spiralling effect in a depressed person. (You drink because you are depressed then the depression worsens because you realise that you are ruining your life. You then drink even more to drown out the feelings of hopelessness — it is a vicious cycle).

5.The sickly man

One may experience headaches, unexplained abdominal and chest pain, weight changes (more often, there is weight loss) and a racing heart (palpitations). Usually, medical tests do not reveal the cause of the problem and treatment by conventional means is often unsuccessful.

Sexual dysfunction, sleep issues

Most men with depression either sleep too little or too much. They may also lose interest in sex and develop erectile dysfunction. Usually, the decreased libido has nothing to do with their sexual partner, depression causes one to lose interest in things that were previously enjoyed.

6.Poor work performance

Depression significantly affects one's mental capacity. Depressed men have low concentration levels and are consistently tired. In addition, they are always unhappy and unable to interact with colleagues. All these factors contribute to reduced work performance.

7.Isolation

Some choose to isolate themselves from friends and family. The usual excuse when confronted about it is, ‘I’ve been very busy’. In addition, they neglect hobbies and social activities.

Why is depression in men not diagnosed early?

Most family members and colleagues do not recognise depression in men. Even doctors may fail to see the signs of depression in a man because they do not always present in the classic way. Most men are also reluctant to discuss mental and emotional problems. They have been brought up to believe that it is ‘unmanly’ and inappropriate. They fear that they will lose the respect of their family, friends and workmates. For this reason, they often downplay and mask any symptoms of depression rather than come out and ask for help coping with it. Most Kenyan families resist mental health treatment. They believe that one only visits a psychiatrist if he is ‘mad’.

In addition, most employers have a bias towards employees with mental health problems. This forces employees to hide their mental health issues from their employers because they risk damaging their careers. Stigma: there is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness. No one wants to be labelled as ‘the man with depression’. Ignorance: there is little awareness on mental health issues. People do not realise that depression is no different from diabetes or hypertension and all need treatment.

Wives/partners

Although it is important to be supportive of a spouse suffering from depression, do not tolerate abuse. Angry, abusive, depressed men have maimed and killed their partners. In addition, emotional abuse can leave one scarred for life.

Suicide

Suicide is often thought of as a coward’s way out of depression. It is also labelled as ‘selfish’ and, even, foolish. In truth, taking one’s life is one of the most difficult decisions a man can make. He realises that his actions will devastate those around him but he feels that he has no other way out of his misery.

Clinical depression can consume one’s mind and the dark thoughts and emotions become too overwhelming.

If a man around you exhibits suicidal tendencies or attempts suicide, do not put him down or ask him to ‘suck it up and deal with his emotions like a man’.

Symptoms of depression men may display include:

• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Controlling, abusive or violent behaviors
• Irritability or inappropriate anger
• Risky behaviors
• Lack of interest

And physical symptoms such as:

• Racing heart
• Tightening chest
• Ongoing headaches
• Digestive issues

PERFECTLY HIDDEN DEPRESSION

These are people who are inwardly struggling with depression, at times severe depression. But others would never guess that they were. They can act both intentionally, but also unconsciously, to deny and avoid pain or suffering. And they do it quite well. In fact, perfectly.

1. Perfectionism with a constant, critical inner voice.

2. Heightened or excessive sense of responsibility.

3. Difficulty with accepting and expressing painful emotions.

4. Worry/Need for control over himself and his environment.

5. Intense focus on tasks, using accomplishment as a way to feel valuable.

6. Active concern about the well-being of others, while not allowing anyone into his inner world.

7. A strong belief in “counting your blessings” as the foundation of well-being.

8. Intimate relationships may be difficult, but are accompanied by professional success.

His behaviour is a cry for help, do not ignore it.

Look at the men around you. Could they be suffering from depression? 

If so, reach out and help them. 

It could save their lives.

To benefit from therapy, a man must first admit he needs help.

How to Live a Normal Life With Depression

For most individuals with depression, treatment options are available to help you cope with your symptoms and to improve your quality of life. If you want to know how to get back to normal life after depression, consider some of the following methods for addressing your mental health.

Building a Support Network. This is accomplished by creating a group of friends and family who care. Supportive loved ones can go a long way to improving depression. There are also community groups you can join for people who understand your struggle.

Get Enough Sleep. Improving your sleep habits also helps individuals with depression improve their quality of life. According to Psychology Today, individuals who addressed their sleep issues often doubled their success rate for depression treatment.

Reduce Stress. Simple practices like following breathing exercises and relaxation techniques and getting regular exercise to help reduce the stress hormone cortisol will reduce depression and anxiety. But also don’t be afraid to make a life-change if it will decrease your stress.

Improve Your Eating Habits. According to Medical News Today, a healthy diet  can significantly reduce symptoms of depression. Choose meals high in vegetables and fiber for the best results.

Get Help. If you or a loved one is suffering from depression and you need help. 

For any counselling service please contact the following*:

Youth Hotline

One2One Hotline: 1190 (free from any Safaricom line)

One2One Hotline provides a unique sexual health and HIV hotline for youth in Kenya.One2One is confidential and anonymous.  

General Counseling Services

Amani Counselling Center: 0722 626 590/0733 263 870

Amani provides counselling services for people with emotional and psychological problems

Discovery Counselling Services: 0700 270 983/0721 513 438

Discovery counselling provides marriage, depression, grief and bereavement counselling 

 Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721 743 977

Oasis Counselling Center: 0733 366 614/ 0725 366 614

Oasis Africa is a professional counselling and behavioural mental health care organization that provides services to individuals and organizations in Kenya

Rescue Counsellors: 020 767607/0726 293 913

Rescue provides psychological, social and emotional support to those in need by offering advice, education, support and, counselling.

 Fortress of Hope: 020 2420924/0724 834 512/0723 024 018

To provide a platform through which Girls are able to make informed choices concerning their lives so as achieve behaviour change and improve their economic status i.e. planning today for a better tomorrow.

Suicide Helpline

Befrienders Kenya: 0736 542 304/0722 178 177

Befrienders Kenya is a charitable organization that focuses on suicide preventions. They offer emotional support to those who may be in distress and in danger of committing suicide.

You can read my article on Depression is Real, Reach out

You can Watch my You tube Video on Overcoming all odds

You can Watch my You tube Video on Fighting for your destiny

You can Watch my You tube Video on Dare Not Quit