Denial-anger-bargain-depression-acceptance

This sequence of accepting an inevitable change is as unshakable as the order of the colors in the rainbow or of the year seasons. Because this is a physico-chemical process in which our neurocircuits are rebuilt under the influence of hormones. The speed of passing through each stage and the entire chain can be different from person to person. It’s easy to get confused and not know what is happening to you at the moment. So let's figure it out.

Denial

It is like a child's attempt to hide behind a curtain with feet clearly sticking out from under it. “No, it can't be happening!” - we say, calling the black white and vice versa. Don't beat yourself up for this reaction, it's completely natural, like pulling your hand away from a hot object. Reality will sooner or later make you believe in what is happening anyway. Very few people manage to put on a tinfoil hat and stay in it forever.

Anger

Naturally, the next degree of denial is a struggle. We are outraged, our blood boils in the veins, great bright force fills our muscles. It tells us not to freeze or run - only fight, not sparing our own life, not thinking about the consequences. We live in this state here-and-now, and if we actually act, we can work on such fuel for quite a long time.

Bargain

When anger passes, energy compensation is switched on, because no matter how much adrenaline there is, the body and nervous system eventually get tired sooner or later. Anger ends very early if it is not channeled into real aggressive action. Bargaining can take place with the opposite side, with your own partners, and of course with yourself. Maybe with the world, with God, with fate. In this phase, we think over the options of how to get out of the difficult situation cheaper, with fewer losses.

Depression

As long as a person is busy dealing with reality - be it anger or bargaining - there will be no depression. But as soon as it becomes clear that nothing works, that it will not be easier and faster, that all this is serious and for a long time, the depression kicks in. Apathy, impotence, sadness, fear, laziness, weakness, and psychosomatic illnesses - that’s how this stage manifests itself. It is generally accepted that depression is something superfluous, useless, disturbing, and terrible, but in fact, it is the same adaptive mechanism of the psyche as the digestion of food with gastric juice in the supine position. The main thing is not to let this process take longer than necessary, to jump off it on time, getting involved in some business.

Acceptance

This is the most desired stage. Here, our neurocircuits have already been rebuilt, and the production of hormones has adjusted to the new reality. Now we are up to it. We soberly understand what's what, how, where and why, with whom and when. This means that we can think about the future, predict long-term consequences, and think strategically. And now we can choose almost by to our own conscious will - whether to fight or bargain.

Wherever you are now, whatever you do - remember about this chain! Find yourself in it and go through all the stages honestly. So it will be faster and more efficient, and therefore the desired result is within the reach.?

Author - psychologist Andrey Yagodzinsky