Delving Deeper into Gratitude and Making an Impact While Giving Thanks

Whether you go all out for the Thanksgiving holiday, or choose to opt out completely (or live outside of the US), thankfulness is likely to come to mind. In this edition of the Practice, we’ll delve deeper into the practice of expressing gratitude.?

This time of year can be complicated, and so can the idea of giving thanks when you’re not ready or able to see the gifts in what’s happening in your life. There’s plenty of talk about gratitude journaling, but I’d like to explore when expressing gratitude is helpful, with some tips and tricks you can apply in your own life that can also enhance how you show up as a coach for your clients.

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The Business of Life Coaching

I’ve been asked how I give thanks to the people in my life. I like to consider a handy tool that can help you discover how gratitude can best be expressed and experienced.. Based on the bestselling book by Gary Chapman, the Five Love Languages describes how people most like to give and receive love, including words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.?

For example, my closest friend’s primary love language is gifts, and that’s my lowest priority (I’m a ‘words of affirmation’ girl). Through the years, we’ve navigated how to appreciate each other in ways that matter most to us. In my business, because I don’t communicate well through gift-giving (unless I happen to stumble upon a gift that instantly resonates vs. feeling forced to find), I opt not to give clients, colleagues, or vendors gifts. Instead, they will often receive either verbal or written words of affirmation from me.?

The most important thing to know about the people in your orbit (personal and professional) is to make an effort to understand how they wish to be acknowledged should the opportunity arise. Then look for organic ways to acknowledge them when appropriate. (Also know that it’s totally okay to opt out of gift-giving if that’s not your thing!)

A Coaching Prompt for Coaches

You’ve probably heard about keeping a gratitude journal or saying three things you’re grateful for before going to sleep. There’s nothing wrong with these practices, but I think that they can keep us on the surface if we don’t back them up with some kind of action. So, don’t just sit with your thoughts, go the extra mile to express them in the world in some way.

Next time you notice something that you feel grateful for, ask yourself:?

“What’s the next step?”?

Maybe you’re thinking of your friend and feeling grateful for their support through the years. In addition to journaling about them, take it a step further and send a sweet note expressing how much you appreciate their presence in your life.?

If you love hitting your favorite hiking trail each week, consider volunteering or making a donation to your conservation district or a “friends of” group to help maintain it.

You’ll never regret taking that next step to express gratitude to others.

Expand Your Mind

Placing gratitude in context

If you’ve done a gratitude practice and found it frustrating or you’re just not feeling grateful for all that much right now, you’re not alone. When it comes to a gratitude practice, the key is to strike a balance between glossing over your true feelings and letting your feelings run the show.?

The truth is that some experiences need time to ripen before you can log them as something to be grateful for. I think there’s a sort of learning curve around being grateful for things that have been hard. In my own story, I’m actually grateful that my ex-husband read my journals. If he hadn’t done that, I'd still be in that marriage and I wouldn’t have written six books or started the thriving business I run today. Something that felt horrible at the time needed time before it could show up as gratitude.

When you’re not in a place where you can feel grateful for what’s happening in your life, it can be easy for our innate negativity bias to take over. Science has proven that we have a default tendency to look for what’s wrong, and it takes work to attune ourselves to look for what is right and good instead. This ties into an overall journaling practice; if left to their own devices, most people tend to journal when they’re in an extreme, and that’s generally an extreme low.?

When you make an inner shift to put on your “what’s right” glasses instead of looking for what’s wrong, you create a positive self-fulfilling prophecy. By sitting with what is true for you in the moment--even when everything is a mess and feels like a disaster--I’ll bet you can still come up with one small thing that is good and right. And listing what’s good and right or even just okay can even you out so your journal doesn’t become one long tale of woe. Note that journaling about what is good and right is not the same as a gratitude practice--because you might not be ready to feel grateful for certain things in your life, but you can probably manage to notice what is good and right.?

Gratitude is something that has to happen internally first, and sometimes that happens long after the storms in your life have passed. We have to first feel gratitude before we can express it, but we actually do have a choice around feeling grateful. It starts with looking for what’s right and good, allowing yourself time to process difficult emotions and experiences, and ultimately choosing to feel grateful for what those hard times taught us.

Recommended Resource on Gratitude Journaling and Forgiveness

In Step 4 of my book, Permission to Put Yourself First (originally published as The New Relationship Blueprint), you can read about how gratitude can be an element of forgiveness.?

“Gratitude is another important part of your forgiveness practice. It can be difficult to feel grateful for something that was painful, but life is about growth. One of the realities of the human experience is that growth often comes with pain.”?

In that chapter, titled “Make Peace With Your Past . . . and Let It Go,” you’ll find journaling tips to help you navigate the often difficult path to forgiveness.

Tune in to talk thankfulness on YouTube later this month!

If you’re loving this edition of The Practice and want to delve more into gratitude, Your Permission Prescription podcast Episode 77: Gratefulness, Thankfulness, and Looking for What’s Right on November 21st.?

In the meantime, you can listen to previous episodes here.

Life Coaching Links

Five Myths About Gratitude

The world’s leading expert on gratitude, Dr. Robert Emmons, dispels some common misconceptions about gratitude for Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine.

Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier

Harvard Health examines research to explore links between gratitude and happiness. This post cites Dr. Emmons’ work mentioned above.?

Why I Quit My Gratitude Practice to Improve My Mental Health

I love a good narrative about someone quitting a “should” in favor of honoring what they really need. In this essay for Healthline, writer Sarah Bence shares her journey with her gratitude practice and how she learned to shift what that meant for her.?

Did you like what you read in this edition of The Practice? Do you know someone who could benefit from reading it, too? Please share this newsletter with them or invite them to sign up at nancylevin.com/newsletter.?