The delusional foodie

Ah, the joy of convincing yourself you’re "eating clean" while carefully choosing foods that feel just naughty enough to be delicious. A classic trick? The label. If it says organic or air-fried, it’s basically a free pass to eat twice as much.

Let’s start with organic food. Those precious, pesticide-free produce items cost twice as much and practically glow with the promise of purity. Does the price make them taste better? Absolutely. Because the sting in your wallet is the only reminder of how "nutritious" they are. Organic cookies? Pure health in disguise. Organic chocolate bars? Well, they’re organic! They’re practically medicinal.

Then there’s air-fried food. Genius invention, truly. The air fryer has allowed us to believe that our fries, wings, and battered vegetables are now diet-friendly. So go ahead, eat that entire basket of air-fried potato wedges. Don’t even think twice! It’s “just air” — basically negative calories, right? And the real kicker? The more times you use the words “light” and “crispy,” the more your brain buys into the illusion that it’s practically celery.

Of course, you can take it to the next level: “organic air-fried” foods. Now we’re really in the zone. You’re not just eating vegetables that taste like fries; you’re eating responsibly raised, air-fried vegetables. It’s like Mother Nature herself is patting you on the back with every bite.

And then, the final stamp of approval: no preservatives. If the package declares that the food contains zero preservatives, we’re basically looking at kale. Never mind the fact that it’s a no-preservative cookie loaded with sugar and butter. Who cares? We’ve dodged the real enemy here. Preservatives! A packet of “no-preservative” organic chips may still pack enough salt to dehydrate a camel, but as long as we’ve avoided those pesky shelf-stabilizers, we’re in the clear.

So, cheers to our health and to our gloriously organic, air-fried self-deception! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some air-fried donuts to taste-test, along with a Frappuccino with Almond milk.