DELTA Boarding Pass BINGO (Part 2)

To my fellow Delta travelers, let me start by thanking you for the feedback, recommendations, suggestions, and interesting (and some weird!) insights from Delta Boarding Pass Bingo! (Part 1). Your insights and comments were spot on – and provided a good laugh as well!

Based on your requests for a “Sequel,” I completed additional “in-depth analysis” across many airports over the last few months and am here to confirm that we have a few more Bingo players that should be highlighted. Enjoy and look for these players on your next Delta flight!

Boarding Pass Bingo. It’s a game played every day – prior to (and during) every Delta flight. Boarding Pass Bingo has a number of key players that “step up” to play their role in the travel process. Those of you that are Million Milers are familiar with the game and in case you are a less frequent traveler, I will help bring you up to speed on the key players. As you make your way through the airport, board your next flight, and experience in-flight service, watch out for these players and mark your bingo card accordingly!

The “My-Bag-Is-Back-There-And-I-Must-Get-To-It-ASAP-Or-You-Must-Pass-It-To-Me” Flyer: This flyer is definitely an IMSUAFAPTGMB Flyer (see BPB Part 1) and many times has boarded the flight late or in a later zone. Particularly guilty in this category are First Class passengers who received a late upgrade or boarded late from the Sky Club. Because they boarded late, there is no overhead space over their seat so they must head further back on the plane to find space (usually requiring overhead-bin-bag-roulette). All is well throughout the flight but upon landing and arrival at the gate, they typically fly out of their seat upon hearing the “bing” and start pushing their way through all of the other IMSUAFAPTGMB flyers to try to get to their bag space. Inevitably, they cannot get there because the other IMSUAFAPTGMB flyers have blocked the aisle and then they typically start pointing at their bag and gesturing for someone to hand it to them – or ask to “squeeze by” (heaven forbid they wait in their seat until the plane has de-boarded and then work their way back to their bag – requiring 5-10 additional minutes). Furthermore, once they get back to their bag, they then become exasperated when the aisle is full with other passengers and they are now awkwardly stuck waiting to de-board from further back on the aircraft. If your bag is in the back, sit, chill, enjoy the comfort of your seat, make a phone call, and then slowly work your way back to get your bag. We all will appreciate it.

The “Galley Loiterer” Flyer: These flyers are easy to spot and it’s a guarantee that you will find a few on any long-haul 757 flights (you will also find them prevalent on 767’s in the front of First Class and further back in coach in the galley between the two lavs). As soon as the seat belt sign goes out, these flyers head up to the galley area in First Class. Or to the galley area between doors 2R and 2L in Coach on the 757 – and stay there for the entire flight. Standing. Reading books / watching movies on their iPad. Playing games on their iPhone. Listening to music and staring at the ceiling. Blocking the lav. In the way of flight attendants delivering in-flight service. I have even seen several making “home” while standing with blanket, cocktail, book, and neck pillow. Please return to your middle seat.

The “I-Love-My-Dog” Flyer: In the last few months, more and more of my flights have included passengers who have brought along their “doggies.” If you bring along a dog, there are a few things to think about. First, know where you are going to store it. You cannot place the dog (and its carry bag) in the overhead bin, which means under the seat. Second,you may want to consume your airport fast food before boarding to prevent the dog from barking, begging, whining, etc. for a treat when you eat in front of the always-hungry animal. Third, ensure the bag is closed. Three weeks ago, we were 200 feet from landing in ATL when suddenly a 6-pound Yorkie jumped up on my lap out of nowhere. I held the dog until we landed and got to the gate and believe it or not, nobody stood up or ran up to claim the dog from my lap. I stayed in my seat until most of the passengers were off the plane when a passenger came rushing back on the plane as she realized her dog was not in her bag (even though she had already exited the plane!). Finally, if you use the “Assistance” collar on your dog, make sure the dog is truly an “Assistance” dog!

The Grease Monkey Flyer: I will admit that at times, fried chicken, greasy french fries, sandwiches with a heap-load of oily red onions, and Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches can taste good. But when you mix confined airplane space with smelly / greasy food, it’s a total #fail. For the most part, passengers consume this food in the airport prior to boarding the aircraft but for a select few, they decide that on-board is the perfect place to enjoy greasy goodness. It starts with the crackling wrapper and paper bag sound and within seconds becomes a full-blown cloud of grease permeating the recycled air environment – typically impacting 3-4 rows in either direction. Please consume in the airport waiting area to avoid greasing the plane and your fellow passengers. And please do not wipe your fingers on the seat back in front of you.

The “Miraculously Healed” Flyer: I didn’t think about this one when I wrote BPB Part 1 but since writing and seeing the comments about this Flyer, I decided to pay closer attention on subsequent flights. And to my surprise, found it to be occasionally true (and in fact true to last week at PDX when 11 people took advantage). As we all know, the boarding process starts with “those needing additional time to board” and “families with car seats.” It is at this point that individuals in wheelchairs, canes, and “trouble walking,” board the flight. For the most part, these individuals truly do need additional time to board but there are a few that actually fake it or want to jump the “Zone-Boarding” process to get to their seat. The proof is found when the passenger completes scanning of their boarding pass – that’s when the limp suddenly goes away, or they suddenly rise and walk to the plane and board with no assistance, walk off the plane without any assistance, and are often up and about during flight. This is the only “grey” area of the boarding procedure and a select few take advantage (see examples also any flight to/from LIM). #Sigh

The “6-Bagger” Flyer: The 6-Bagger is actually not a passenger but a flight attendant. As you have probably noticed, the flight attendants and pilots are not restricted to “one carry-on bag plus a personal item” rule and there are many that take full advantage of this flexibility. The most bags I have ever seen attached to a Flight Attendant’s rollaboard is five (hence 6-Bagger). Take a look the next time you are walking through the airport – it’s actually amusing as many Flight Attendants have bags hanging every which way off of their rollaboard. Fortunately, most aircraft have a closet for use by the crew so overhead space is not impacted. (One caveat...when dead-heading / commuting flight attendants board in the "those needing assistance" zone and consume overhead space). See you if you can find a 6-Bagger during your next trip!

The “Know-It-All” Flyer: This guy (yes – 98% of time it is a male) must share all of his travel “expertise” with his fellow passengers before and during each flight. He proudly shares that he knows things like: The takeoff out of John Wayne (SNA) is typically fast and vertical due to the noise ordnance. The landing at LGA is a turn-and-brake-filled fest due to the tight NYC airspace and short runway. D-1 is a tow-in gate at LGA. The escalators at MCO to baggage claim are the slowest in the country. The ATL B-10 Sky Club is always severely over-crowded (#avoid). The bins on the 767-300 and old NWA 757’s fill up after 15-20 people have boarded (and yes, you will check your rollaboard (ensure you are an Eager Beaver if this is the equipment for your next flight). Upgrades out of ATL or MSP are scarce (due to Medallion hub travelers). 10D (aisle) on the MD-90 is the worst seat during boarding and in-flight service. The equipment used to/from HNL and OGG from LAX is anything but top-of-the-line (typically old NWA 757’s). Customs at YYZ is excessively slow. Any seat on the antiquated CRJ’s is claustrophobic. The only place to find a Coke in DFW is in the Sky Club. DEN is an hour from anything and everything. The cab line at LAS can be two minutes or two hours…all to go ¾ mile. The taxi to terminal from the 5th runway in ATL is a haul. Not much you can do to avoid these Flyers – just keep your headphones on!

BINGO.