Delta Airlines - quite simply never, ever, again...

I never really look forward to night flights and try to avoid them like the plague. Unfortunately, if you're flying from the United States of America to the UK, invariably the plane will take off around 1800hrs and you'll arrive back home in the early hours, travelling through the night.

If I'm in the USA on business it's normally for one week and having reached there safely I tend to forget about the return flight until a day or so before departure when it starts to nag at me and I imagine sitting there in the cramped conditions of 'coach class' with some irritating sonofabitch (a great American expletive) in front of me reclining his (or her) seat - something I never do, incidentally, as I don't want to piss anybody off.

So I guess you could say the whole experience is not particularly welcomed by yours truly, I could do without it and yes it would be far easier if I could travel in business class or even premium economy, but that's not possible. The only time I travel business is when another company pays for it. But let's not get bogged down with the whys and wherefores of business class travel other than to say it's there for some and not for others.

Add to the above the inevitable turbulence, which seems to bother me and nobody else and you'll get the picture. Listen, I'm making a huge fuss about it right this minute, but, like a lot of people, I get on with it, I grin and bear it, I take off, I land, I've been around the world a fair bit and I love it, but that night flight home? Let's just say that I'm never really prepared for it, I could always do with another night in Chicago or New York or Seattle or wherever I might be and sometimes it happens; there might be bad weather or technical hitches with the plane and then I find myself in a hotel in the Windy City or the Big Apple and it gives me time, perhaps, to acclimatise to the situation prior to flying home the next day, possibly in a better seat, possibly not. Ultimately, however, I'm just putting off the inevitable.

Okay, I've set the scene, so cast your minds back to Friday 12th May 2023. I find myself on Detroit airport wandering around, looking at stuff I can't afford, buying the odd snack, passing other gates and noting some of the other weird and wonderful destinations for planes heading out of the Motor City and my imagination drifts. I might focus on one particular person waiting patiently for his or her plane home to somewhere obscure (in my mind) like Grand Rapids or Cedar Falls and I try to imagine where they live, possibly a station wagon on the drive, a white picket fence, all the usual American stereotypes and that's it, I love America, I think the American people (by and large) are good people and there you have it, that's me.

I returned to the gate where my flight was departing to check on progress. Has boarding commenced or is everybody still waiting? I'm normally in the last group to board; first are the posh people who can afford, but invariably don't deserve, to be travelling first and business class, then it's the premium economy guys, then it's my turn. But, hold on, there was an announcement which I'll admit I didn't hear because I was off somewhere looking at Go Pro cameras, perhaps I could earn some extra cash as a vlogger.

My colleague told me that Delta was asking for volunteers to spend an extra night in Detroit in return for $1,400. What a great idea! I didn't have to be back early, I could catch the Saturday evening flight instead and be $1,400 better off. Why not? I need the money and the only other alternative was/is to seek freelance work (which I'm doing, so if anybody out there needs freelance writing assistance, let me know).

There were a handful of people considering an extra night in Detroit and one woman who had accepted similar deals in the past. I asked her if it was genuine. "Oh, yes, it's genuine," she said with a smile, so I thought okay, if she's doing it, I'll do it.

I was then booked into the Courtyard by Marriott, an airport hotel, and for the first time – especially when I saw my plane (with my colleague on board) making its way to the runway for the flight home – I began to feel a little strange, sad even, that I wasn't on board. Still, I'd made my bed, so to speak, and now I'd have to lie in it. I was alone, there was little to do, my suitcase remained with the airline so I couldn't even clean my teeth and I had no change of clothing. Actually, I did buy a toothbrush and toothpaste at the hotel.

I opened the door to my room, there were two large double beds, a flat screen television, a reasonable-looking bathroom and just me to 'enjoy' it all, except that I couldn't enjoy it, I was alone; the whole situation, the 'adventure', suddenly became quite depressing. It dawned on me that two double beds, a decent TV and a pleasant bathroom were nothing compared with simply being home and in my own bed. The desolation hit hard, but hey! I was doing this in exchange for some much-needed money.

I skipped dinner – because I knew what American food was all about and I'd had enough of it already – and resorted to watching television before hitting the sack. I awoke the next morning, showered, had breakfast and then, bored senseless, headed back to the airport on the hotel's shuttle bus. I started to feel like Tom Hanks in The Terminal. I walked backwards and forwards from one end of the terminal to the other (I think I did that half a dozen times, stopping only for lunch); and then, after a few more hours of padding back and forth like a caged bear, 'getting my steps in', it was time to fly home. I had a better seat than on my original flight, although I was still in coach class, I just didn't have anybody sitting next to me and there was a bulkhead behind me. The journey was fine and I reached London Heathrow safely and suitably rested. The good thing (I thought) was that I had some money coming my way.

Money? Yes, remember the deal? I stay an extra night in return for what amounted to ￡1,120? I received the John Lewis Partnership gift cards I requested (￡120) and all that was missing was a ￡1,000 virtual Mastercard. That was mid-May. Since then, and despite numerous emails to Delta Choice Gift Cards, it's all gone quiet. I've been told that 'multiple teams' are on my case. MULTIPLE TEAMS!!! But it's now over two months since I returned to the UK and that virtual Mastercard is nowhere to be seen. My last correspondence with Delta on this matter was 11 July and they said they would be in touch within five working days. Well, it's now 23 July and there's been no contact. I've spent a large chunk of today on the phone to the USA (at my expense). First I spoke to somebody at Delta and they put me on to somebody at Delta Choice, but I'm still none the wiser, still no further ahead, and believe me I need that money. I've been promised contact from Delta before, ie on 11 July, and nothing happened. I'm expecting similar treatment after my long calls today during which I've been kept on hold listening to musak.

You might be wondering why am I writing this article, why have I detailed the whole sorry saga, the wandering aimlessly around Detroit airport, the dreary and lonely hotel experience and so on. Well, it's to let you all know that very often staying over in order to help out the airline and getting cash in return might seem like a good deal, but I'm beginning to think it's anything but as I still don't have the money and I'm getting a strong vibe that Delta is hoping I'll go away so they can keep their filthy money. In short, this is extremely bad form, it's 100% dishonesty in its most purest form: DELTA says stay over an extra night and you'll be rewarded with cash; I stayed over and I STILL don't have the money. It's clear they don't want to give me the money. So my advice to anybody who finds themselves at the airport, wherever in the world that might be, and especially if their chosen airline is DELTA, my advice is to remember this article and say no. Why do them a favour? Why allow them to increase their profits by making you fly home the following day if they're not going to keep to their side of the deal? I know one thing: if I'm at the airport and I hear the airline announcing such a deal in future (be it Delta or any other airline) I will make a point of trying to talk those interested out of wasting their valuable time.

If you want to know more about my extra night (and day) in Detroit, click here.

And for more of me mooching around Detroit airport, click here.