Delivering rejection

I recently wrote about handling rejection, which is never easy, but is a valuable life skill to learn. Naturally, of course, it's equally as important to know how to reject someone, too.

While this is most certainly not a law, what I'll do instead is lay out some guidelines regarding how to go about it.

This will all apply broadly to professional and personal scenarios. More ingrained relationships (family, longtime friends or lovers) might make things awkward or more difficult to have a conversation of this weight, but it's important to make it happen.

If you're ever uncomfortable about a professional scenario, consider your other options, such as speaking to your boss or your boss' boss.

First, is be sure that it's the right call in the moment, and reflect to understand why. Although it won't always be possible to give closure (same way you won't always get it), it's important to provide that to yourself, and understand the underlying keystone.

Next is, whenever possible (again, it won't always be), deliver rejection in a calm scenario. When we're hurt, when emotions are high, we're likely to say things in bad ways - we often regret it, but what we often say in those moments has a grain of truth. Rarely will harsh treatment of another person be justified.

Set aside time for it - say that you need to have a conversation about something important and you'd like to do so when you can privately and at a time where both parties can be calm.

Come prepared - take notes if you need to, or rehearse it ahead of time, the same way a comedian would. Once the conversation starts, here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Be honest, but fair - do your best to stay calm, and stick to the facts and reality
• Don't look to assign blame
• Speak from the heart - focus on your feelings back them up with factual information (such as things that were said, or done)
• Explain why what happened is unacceptable (be it a boundary, a violation of contract, something illegal, etc)
• Do not devalue them as a person / belittle them
• Do your best to make it quick, and painless
• Be prepared, especially in personal scenarios, for tears. Maybe you'll be the one crying. And that's okay, because this isn't easy and you could be ending something that was once intensely meaningful to you.
• Acknowledge that displays of emotion are okay

This, like any form of communication, will take a lot of practice. The main thing is to focus on not saying anything you'll regret, and being fair to yourself and them. If you're anxious or sad about whatever happened, let that be. Sit with it for a time, but walk through it, the same way you would a belly laugh.

Be okay with not everything going perfect, or to plan. And be ready to reflect afterwards - there will always be room for improvement.

While networking is an important skill, in business and in private life - part of networking is knowing when to end things, and it's a good skill to learn when to say, and mean, no.

Healthy boundaries are a key part of a healthy mind and healthy relationships of any kind.

Do you have any tips? Did I miss a major point? Let me know down below!

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