Delicate Dilemmas #16

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Dear Dr Doyle, I am a menopausal woman working with a team of well-meaning men. They're completely fine with me but they've recently started describing one of our contractors as unreliable. I know that she and I are of a similar age and I want to check if she needs support but is that an invasion of her privacy or overstepping?

Hello! That is such a good conundrum to send. THANK YOU.

Working with contractors always brings about an interesting power dynamic. There are direct and indirect ways that you could do this, esp. with contractors.

The first is the structural ways in which you engage with contractors. Do you have processes to check in with them about how they're finding working with your company? You'll certainly have risk assessments (or you should!) that you do with them. It could be that you update these to ask explicitly about menopause and menstruation. There are a hundred ways to ask these sorts of questions in a formal, candid way but that don't single out a person. Doing regular updates to risk assessments like this will take the onus off them figuring out how to tell your company or whether the company (i.e. men) know about what she's experiencing.

Beyond the structural, I think you - or someone else on the team - can just reach out and catch up with her. She shouldn't be forced to tell you anything about her health if she doesn't want to but asking her open questions about how she's finding the work. There's of course the possibility that there are other reasons why she is suddenly "unreliable".

Curiosity is key. Curiosity baked into systems is even better.

Dear Dr Doyle, I consider myself an anti-racist ally and have been really struggling with how to communicate this effectively with my Black and Brown colleagues over the past few weeks. One of my direct reports has been working from home more than usual and I am worried that they don't feel supported enough to work in the office as usual. Do you have any advice on creating a better environment for them?

Hiya -

Thanks for this. I've written a list of questions, below, for you to reflect upon before you choose to take action moving forward. Ultimately, it is not just at work that your colleagues do not feel safe - the commute, getting lunch etc are all incredibly hostile environments right now.

1) How often have you checked in with them about their wellbeing since 2020?

2) Have you asked them if they want to talk with you / made your position clear about the recent riots?

3) Do your team have access to culturally proficient, safe, therapeutic spaces?

4) Have you been clear about your expectations of them in light of the additional stress?

5) Have you spoken about the riots with all of your colleagues or just minoritised ones? What might this be saying?

6) Has your company made their position clear (and are their words backed up with action)?

7) Have you asked your colleagues if there's anything they want you to do or not do?

8) How was your active allyship in June compared to July/August - could it perhaps feel a bit virtue signally now?

9) Have you asked them explicitly about how wfh is going and named that they're wfh more than usual?

10) Have you asked them explicitly about what would help them to return to the office in due course?

Give them time, and keep communicating with them about it. Reassure your colleagues that they're under no pressure to return to being in the office (if that is the case) and that you still continue to be happy with their output at work. Remind them that they can take leave if they need it (but don't force it upon them!).

Being an ally is about action, and reflecting upon these questions will hopefully give you a starting point for your next actions.

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Have you got a conundrum? I'd love to help.

If you'd like to have your conundrum answered in future versions of Dr Doyle's Delicate Dilemmas then please head to this link