A Delicate Balance in Leadership: "Who's back is the monkey on?"

Providing support, whether as a parent, spouse, friend, leader, manager, or coach, often involves balancing assistance with fostering independence. This delicate balancing act can sometimes lead to a common mistake: assuming full responsibility rather than empowering the individual. With the best intentions, support providers might end up doing tasks or making decisions that the individual should and can handle by self.

This approach, though well-meaning, can lead to unintended consequences. It creates an environment where individuals feel less confident in their abilities and more reliant on external help. Over time, this can undermine their growth and potential.

Understanding the Impact of Over-Responsibility:

- Taking on more responsibilities than necessary adds to the support provider's workload and stress.

- Constantly doing things for others can prevent personal and professional development, leaving one unprepared for future challenges.

- Over-involvement creates a dependency culture, where individuals continuously rely on others instead of taking initiative.

One of my ex-boss often used a clarification question at the end of an engaging discussion? "Who's back is the monkey on?" which resonates with me to date. This metaphor highlighted the accountability and responsibility of the problem that I took to him, and the solution lies with the support receiver (aka me) rather than the support provider (aka my boss).?

As a business coach, I've seen firsthand the transformative impact of shifting responsibility back to individuals. In one instance, a client of mine, overwhelmed with managing a team, would frequently find themselves taking on tasks their team members were fully capable of handling. By gradually encouraging the client to delegate these tasks and trust their team's abilities, we significantly boosted team morale, productivity, and overall confidence. This experience reinforced the importance of empowering others to take charge and grow through their efforts.

For a support provider, the challenge is not to solve the problem for the person but to enable and empower them to solve it themselves. This approach alleviates the burden on the self and promotes self-reliance and problem-solving skills in others.

Strategies for Promoting Responsibility:

- Enable Independence: Encourage individuals to take on tasks they can handle, providing guidance only when necessary.

- Supportive Presence: Be available for support but allow individuals the space to tackle their challenges.

- Constructive Feedback: Offer feedback that promotes self-reflection and enhances independent problem-solving skills.

- Set Clear Boundaries: Define the scope of your support and establish boundaries to encourage individuals to take ownership of their responsibilities.

- Delegate Effectively: Assign tasks based on individual strengths and development needs, ensuring each person has the opportunity to grow.

- Encourage Skill Development: Provide opportunities for individuals to learn and develop new skills, fostering their ability to handle tasks independently.

- Promote Decision-Making: Empower individuals to make decisions and solve problems by providing the necessary tools and resources.

Encouraging self-sufficiency doesn't mean withdrawing support; it involves modifying support to guide rather than handle. Support providers must carefully manage their involvement to ensure their actions build confidence and independence in those they want to support.

By embracing these strategies, support providers can foster a culture of empowerment and growth. Ultimately, it leads to a more resilient and capable team or family unit.