Delhi se nahi hoon - The Adventures

"Oh ! What the D...D...D...Delhi ! "A memorable & adventurous personal trip further extended as business trip ( my team was way too happy and they love it when boss is not around ). No idea how I treated Delhi, but Delhi treated me well, lot of life learning experiences with the pinch of salt, jalape?o, chilly flakes all over it. I was visiting Delhi after 10 years & I was dam sure Delhi will be different from what I had seen in my teenage. So here starts my journey ( will write in points so that it is reader friendly ) 

• FLIGHT DELIGHT - While I was enjoying my free meal in the flight, my mom was having a mission on her mind of getting me married as soon as possible. So flight seems to be a good idea, right ? While I was enjoying my panner bhaji, my mom escaped and went back to the end of the flight to meet the Air Hostess at more than 900 km per hour, faster than the speed of the flight. "Did you check my son who was sitting besides me, I am looking for a bride for my son" explained my mom to air hostesses. Air Hostess 1 : I am married aunty , Air Hostess 2: I am engaged aunty, Air Hostess 3: I have a boyfriend . All the 3 categories of relationship were covered in this situation. Well then my mom came back to the seat deep in her thoughts, now at 1 km per hour. Her mission is still on.....
• BACHAOOOO ....I was on my way back from Metro Station towards my home ( its better to ditch cars here .... 1 hour journey takes 3 hours to reach - Metro is best way to travel ). I was on battery operated rikshaw - a sharing rikshaw, where 4 to 5 unknown people come together for a ride .... I term this as joy ride. So 4 km away from my home in such rikshaw, only 2 people ( me and one punjabhi aunty ) were left, rest got down at their destinations. Rikshaw wala seems to be a teenager guy who was singing to a punjabhi tune as his ears were occupied by headsets listening to loud song which muted him to the complete universe. Speeding across the wide streets of Delhi, this guy was believing himself to be Salman Khan from the Kick Movie or James Bond. On a turn we were about bash into one i20 car, all credits given to this teenager rikshaw wala. I was calm, the teenage rikshaw wala was calm, the night was calm, i20 car driver was calm as if nothing happened, but yes this punjabhi lady was in shock and screaming on top of her voice, holding me, rather shaking me completely. I somehow maintained my mental & physical balance, further the punjabhi lady and the rikshaw wala conversation went on & on till the rikshaw wala died 100 times from inside with her words. I somehow feel 2 hrs in traffic in car was better than the unbearable sound of this lady at so high decibels. 
• What the hell is CUTTING CHAI? After a hard working day, travelling from Delhi to Gurgaon and back to Delhi - a chai does the wonder to refresh you. So here I went to a road side shop and asked for a "cutting chai", seems like I have said some alien word. "Bhaiya se Cut .. Cut ting kya hota hai ? kya chaiye apko" the tea seller got confused along with the people around who gave me a suspicious wired smile. Ignoring all of them, I further said Chai de do, irrespective of the fact that I will receive half or full chai. One more thing would like to add here is that Delhi is the sweetest city that I have ever travelled to: 

1. Pav Bhaji with the Sweet Pav 
2. Dhai Bhalle with the sweet Dhai 
3. Barfi with extra sugar content in it
4. Paratha with something sweet in it too

& on top of it all sweet people out here saying " Bhaiya" ,"Haanji"  "Bataiye" & really speaking I didn't find any person saying "Tu janta nahi mera baap kaun hai"

• BANG BANG - my first injury in Delhi ( it still pains ). I can compare the Delhi Private buses with Mumbai Local Trains. Superb business - Rs. 5 to 10 per person , existing seats in the bus approx. 14 , people cramped inside approx. 40 + - .  ( on an average Rs. 10 x 40 people x 20 Rounds per day = Rs. 8000 per day x 30 days = Rs. 2,40,000 per month ) What a business sirji ! Ohh coming back to the adventure side of my life, I boarded this private bus from my home not as fast as a marathon runner, literally untangling my legs caught hold of the bar on the door of the bus and finally inside bus. First thing when I entered the bus, I was not asked for money but was - " Bhaiya bag neeche rakh do, koi nahi lega apka computer" - the so called conductor meant laptop. Keeping my laptop bag I got the privilege of getting cramped in a small space between the driver and the passenger seat - 10 cm space at Rs. 10. In the moving bus, finally I found a vacant seat for which 3 people were already eyeing for, I was the lucky one to get the seat as I was very quick to grab it but I paid a price for it - A head injury ( the top section made of up iron for keeping luggage hit my head ) & I went into black & white mode as if all the things around me went colourless. The sweet people of Delhi were very sweet to ignore my condition but any ways I was strong enough to handle myself. Once I got down from the bus, first thing I wanted was to apply ice on the small mountain created on my head. But to worsen my condition I couldn't find ice, rather I took a chilled Bisleri and applied it to my head walking up towards the escalator of Metro. Finally mountains on my head had become plateaus, now allowing me to sip bisleri all the way to my home. 
• THEKA - A place where people drink alcohol in Delhi. GHOONT - The alcohol drink so called in Delhi. Have updated my dictionary here - even Google wont be knowing the meaning of these words. There is a peculiar way here people drinks. Although I don't drink, I gave company to my sales person for the drink. He grabbed Bacardi & like a kid I got hold of Sprite ( pure sprite no mixing of alcohol in it - Sab Clear Hai). So here people take their poison from the wine shop & further adjacent to it there is a place where people can sit, drink, smoke, order food, shout on top of the voice, dance, listen to orchestra. It was also a bit abnormal scene for me to see couple enjoying their time together at such place. ( Wonder how Delhi ain't a safe place ) But yeah as the time passes by, the night becomes more darker, road light vanishes, metro becomes empty, every person looks like a criminal or a victim. 

Anyways I saw some differences in drinkers - Mumbai VS Delhi : 

1) Mumbai guy can drink alcohol with peas or chakli, Delhi guy wants a chicken for sure.

2) Mumbai guy cant sit alone and drink, Delhi guy can sit alone and enjoy the drink. 

3) Mumbai guy criticises his boss after drinking, Delhi guy criticises his family after drinking. 

4) Mumbai guy loves smooth romantic or trance music while drinking, Delhi guy for sure needs a punjabhi song or a Honey Singh song. 

• Your CHEMIST - Your Doctor - I was buying a pulse candy ( from the makers of pass pass mouth freshener ) from a chemist when a weak dark guy in his teens entered the shop and was pleading - "Bhaiya jara bhukar ( fever ) check kar lo". On this the chemist owner said "kya hua hai", he checked the weak guy and gave some medicines explaining 

- Pink wali medicine- if you feeling feverish

- Yellow wali medicine- if you get vomiting 

- White choti wali medicine - if your stomach pains 

- White Badi wali medicine - if fever increases drastically 

   The weak guy took the medicines and went off. I was extremely curious, I couldn't stop myself discussing with chemist owner, got to know that people here in Delhi mostly don't go to doctor for small illness. Chemist owners are their doctors. Wonder what doctors here have to say on this ? Why people are risking their life ? Will it be a good idea to have an in-house doctor in a chemist shop ?

There is lot to say ! Anyways whatever we say ! Whatever we do ! All we have to say is - 

Delhi - Yeh Shehar nahi Mehfil Hai ! 

.....enjoying my trip. 

DISCLAIMER : Any similarity to real persons (living or dead), places, events, or other material is coincidental and unintentional.