Defining Moments

I have memories of witnessing leaders in action and being immediately drawn to the source code of their behavior. These were moments when there was something deeply compelling about what I saw, and an instant realization I wanted to emulate it. I can think of many examples, but here are just three.

From one leader I learned ethical decisiveness.

Back in my consulting days, there was a Partner whose after-hours conduct at a client site was clearly off-side. Some of the junior, especially female, members of the project team were visibly uncomfortable. Over the weekend, a more senior Partner in the firm learned about what was happening, and I remember him coming into the office on Monday morning.

He didn't even bother to drop his bag off. He just walked over to each member of the project team and asked them individually, in a stern and no-nonsense tone, "Is — inappropriate?" I was struck by his candor, his moral clarity, his instinctive refusal to defer what needed to be done. In that moment I remember vowing to act with such resolve myself.

From another leader I learned how to embrace ambiguity.

I was embroiled in the most intellectually challenging consulting project of my career. It was such a stressful experience that I felt as if I was on the verge of emotional collapse. One day, in a team meeting, a colleague made a brilliant point that challenged our Partner's framework and assumptions. The team began to dread that our collective efforts until this point had all been in vain.?

The Partner rose from his chair calmly and without a trace of defensiveness. He walked over to the white board, picked up a marker, then turned to my colleague and said, "Let's talk it through." I can still remember the frame-shift from panic and defeat to patience and curiosity as he spoke those words. They were the catalyst to clearer thinking. I use his phrase to this day, treating it as a kind of mantra in times of uncertainty and doubt.

From another leader I learned the importance of presence.

I had just started at LinkedIn, and a senior executive had scheduled a 1-hour talk with me and my fellow new-joiners. He stood in front of our group and gave us a sense of how crammed and unrelenting his schedule had been that week.

Then he explained why he was sharing these details: to underscore his desire to be in that room, at that time, with that audience. He made it abundantly clear we had his undivided attention. He made us feel as if we were at the top of his list of priorities. I still remember the occasion, and I continue to aspire to its interpersonal standard.

Each example stands out because of a certain energy the leader brought to the moment. Each story shows that values and norms can be transmitted instantly, as others observe, and then seek to match, a pattern of thought and behavior. They prove that a single interaction can have longer-lasting influence than family, friends, or a formal degree.

It's a humbling reminder. I wonder how often leaders think to themselves: "How will the details of this moment be remembered long after I've forgotten them?"

Probably not often enough.