That Defining Moment

By David R. Bales

Have you experienced yours? Here is my defining moment and confessional. The moment my life was changed forever.

I can recall a couple of things that led up to it and the moment that the switch was flipped for me, and I really set my first steps on the path that led me to where I am and what I practice today. It was in 1992, in the months following Hurricane Andrew.  October 1992 to be exact. I lived in Kendall, a suburb of Miami. In 1992, I managed a community at that time that was a sports-oriented community with 6 tennis courts, a tennis pro, an active resident profile and a beautiful community. 

My occupancy stayed high, and I reveled in the weekly calls that had me atop the lists, and the reports that came out, had me atop the list. Just 8 months before Andrew I had won the Manager of the Year award, and I placed this trophy in my window at the office to make sure all could see it. I had a team, yes, but they were there before me and weren’t very successful. I made them successful. My hard work and my drive and constant pushing made us successful. I didn’t hold meetings. We just came in, I gave out assignments, and I walked around inspecting those assignments. Yet, we were successful. 

Until we weren’t. Until Andrew reminded me of how small my role had become.

Suddenly the market was devastated. People were homeless. At my community, we lost a few roofs. People moved out. They went back home with family. My “team”, which was really a bunch of individuals, including me, was at a loss and weren’t sure how to work in this new reality. We couldn't find our ground for any type of recovery. It became very clear to me later, that I certainly didn’t know how to lead them out of this position we found ourselves in. We struggled with steps, as we were victims too, and even though we knew we had to work and we wanted to work, we could not help feeling a little sorry for ourselves all the while.

The people who reported to me would ask me things, seeking answers or direction and instead of thinking first, many times I would reply with an answer that may have “felt right” but would often be misunderstood, or would not be on the mark, or would simply be white noise. I was lost, and so were they. It was clear I had some growing up to do.  As I went with my gut, I decided to take control of everything myself. I would handle the collections. I would handle computer input. I would handle expense control. I would handle inspections. I wanted it done right. So, I did it myself, believing I was the only one capable. The team was fine with it, because they were off the hook for the results.

As I did this, the performance of the community continued to erode. After all, how could it not. The leadership of the company would check on me, give me a pep talk, encourage me and try and offer some support, which, I took as assurance that they had my back. The performance continued to erode.

In October, the SVP for the entire Eastern Region came to visit me. I had known this gentleman a long time. We had a history of many years working together prior to this company we were working now. He and I sat in my office one night in the weeks after Andrew, talking about the issues, and suddenly, I felt the mood change, the tension rose and inside me as I could tell that Steve had something on his mind. He began to ask me a series of questions.

Who is handling the collections? Answer: I am

Who is handling resident follow up? Answer: I am

Who is leasing and showing the apartments? Answer: I am

Who is taking responsibility that we market and advertise? Answer: I am

At that point Steve stopped and said to me in a stern tone, surprising me, that "we may as well let everyone go and save the payroll", for I was not letting them help me anyway. I was not taking advantage of my resources. He told me that what I was doing was not sustainable, and it has to change, and it had better change. He told me, "I’m not sure you can even handle this job. It may be too big for you. You don’t seem to even know how to guide this team". These words stung.

Having enjoyed nothing but accolades my entire career to that point, the reality of what was just said hit me. Had I been wrong about myself? Was I just “lucky”? That night, I went home and thought about it all. I really did. I realized that over the years no one that I’d worked with before at any site ever told me I was a good leader. No one had really stayed in touch with me anywhere I managed to see how I was doing. Had I selfishly convinced myself that I was the glue and magic of my own success?

Steve’s words hung around in my head for several days, and eventually he reached out again. He suggested I buy a particular leadership book he had recently read.  I’ve read so many good leadership books over the years. So many. This is not an endorsement specifically of this book for you to read, because these things must connect to you personally to have significant impact. This one did with me. The point here is, there is help out there if this also describes you.

As a result, I began a new chapter in my life. Very soon thereafter I had a meeting with the team and apologized first for letting them down. I also let them know I needed them, and they needed me for our team to be successful. Slowly, together, we began to turn things around.  As a team where collaboration became the centerpiece we began to find traction. Without going through every step, I can summarize all of this by saying we met regularly. I shared our economic progress and results. I created graphs to show our successes and displayed them. I let different people lead the meetings as we gathered. We met daily to celebrate any win. Every win. No matter how small. Everyone counts. Everyone matters. There is no right or wrong way to gel as a team, as long as you create the opportunity to bond.

I found the magic of leading the team by encouraging their many talents, strengths and contributions, then recognizing those regularly front of the group, as well as privately. I won the team over by staying strong enough to ask them to help me plan the next steps and offer input along the way. In October 1992, I changed my life. Steve changed my life. Since that time, I have remained focused on developing people, recognizing people, appreciating people and truly realizing my life’s calling of service. Serving others by being a good coach, a good listener, a good resource, and a loyal supporter of the people on my team. This period now lives in my mind with enthusiasm and pride of how we came together.

So today, as we go through the most significant challenge in our lives with Covid-19 impacting us all in so many ways, it would be easy to slip into a funk that can carry you away before you know it. It would be easy as we even stay further apart, to not make that personal reconnection with the people that matter most and the teams that make us successful.  No one needs to go through a Hurricane or a Pandemic to experience an epiphany. We only need to open our eyes to see that we need each other. The difference in the outcome rests with you. You can only control what you have physical strength over, and your attitude is one you certainly do have strength over. Don’t miss the window before you to make a huge change and come through these things better and stronger than you were when you went in.

Be a good leader, by being someone people can trust and count on. Don’t break your arm trying to pat yourself on the back. Instead reach out to people who follow you and let them know you value them, and if they need coaching or course correction, do it. But do it in a manner that leaves people energized, not broken. Do it in a manner that says they can trust you, not fear you. So, as you deal with your own version of life in this new reality, remember, you need the team. It is a privilege to lead. Give people a vote of confidence by leaning into each other , instead of just leaning on each other. Everyone has something vital to contribute. Everyone counts. Everyone matters.

I hope this story inspires you to tell your story somehow. The people I lead today now know this about me. I evolved over the years and in many ways. It's important that we change and grow, as we are all still evolving. Let people in , and trust them, so they can also trust you.

Be the difference.

My special thanks to Steve F. Hallsey. He was certainly the difference maker for me.

-        DRB