A Defining Leadership Moment: The Journey of Self-Awareness

How often do we pause to reflect on our leadership approach? Are we aware of how we come across to others in the heat of the moment, or do we only realize it when someone else points it out? For me, a defining leadership moment more than a decade ago forced me to reflect deeply.

My team and I, along with external consultants, were in the middle of a heated discussion when one of my team members stood up, glaring at me, and said in front of everyone, “If that’s what you want, we’ll give it to you, smarty pants.”

There was a ghastly silence in the room. I could feel all eyes on me, and I wanted to disappear, hide under a rock. It was especially embarrassing because we had guests in the room. In that moment, I realized that my approach had been too forceful. My leadership style was rigid, and I hadn’t taken the time to truly listen to the voices around me. It felt like someone had held up a mirror, reflecting back a side of me I hadn’t seen. I knew then that something needed to change.

This moment was a wake-up call that sparked my journey to transform my leadership style. It became clear that effective leadership wasn’t just about making decisions but also about being inclusive, empathetic, and self-aware.

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In his TED Talk "Great Leadership Starts with Self-Leadership," Lars Sudmann highlighted three essential aspects of self-leadership and an associated tool for each:

1. Self-Awareness: Sudmann stressed that self-awareness is the foundation of great leadership. He encouraged leaders to develop a "character traits checklist" of the qualities they aspired to embody. By identifying these traits, leaders could better align their actions and behaviors with their leadership goals.

2. Self-Reflection: Sudmann believed in the power of regular self-reflection. He recommended setting aside even just ten minutes a day to review how well leaders had lived up to their checklist. This reflection process helped leaders identify areas for improvement and adjust their approach for future challenges.

3. Self-Regulation: Sudmann emphasized the importance of reframing situations to focus on growth opportunities instead of failures. He explained that effective leaders must maintain emotional control and turn obstacles into chances for development, thereby fostering resilience.

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The "smarty pants" comment was like a mirror for me. It forced me to confront my leadership flaws and inspired me to take action. From that day on, I committed myself to ongoing self-leadership development. Every six months, I focused on a particular aspect of leadership—whether it was learning how to handle difficult conversations, improving my conflict resolution skills, or coaching my team members to unlock their potential.

One of the practices I adopted was journaling. Each morning, I would reflect on the upcoming day and write down the mindset I needed to bring into meetings or challenges. If I had a brainstorming session, I would jot down “facilitative leadership” to remind myself to listen and encourage participation. If I was leading a critical meeting, I would write “decisive and inclusive” to guide my tone and actions. This simple habit helped me stay grounded and focused on becoming the leader I aspired to be.

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Leadership awareness is like holding up a mirror. Each day, we have an opportunity to look at ourselves, reflect on our strengths and areas for growth, and make adjustments. It’s not always comfortable, but it is necessary. As we reflect on our personal journeys, let’s commit to becoming the kind of leaders who grow, so that we can help others grow.