Defensiveness to Unconditional Resourcefulness

“A second characteristic of the process which for me is the good life is that it involves an increasing tendency to live fully in each moment. I believe it would be evident that for the person who was fully open to his new experience, completely without defensiveness, each moment would be new.” - Carl R. Rogers

How deeply resourceful does ‘defensiveness’ leave us?

Let’s understand defensiveness from various perspectives

• In nature – it’s a strategy, or physical adaption, for protecting an organism against danger — like predation or environmental pressures.
• In psychology – it’s a strategy(ies) used unconsciously to protect us from anxiety arising from unacceptable thoughts or feelings.

While defensiveness may be a survival strategy for some species in nature, it certainly may not support a human-being aspiring to live to their full potential. Especially those of us who are constantly focusing on continuous transformation and collective contribution.

The purpose of defense is protection from hurt or shame often stemming from a thought or emotion arising from being criticized or not accepted. We may resort to shifting blames, being angry, sarcastic, criticizing, or justifying our mistakes in reaction to a negative trigger from another person, environment, or self.

Some of us may deny that defensiveness does not harbour in us. When young or in hostile environments maybe we picked it up and the body memory still uses this reaction unknowingly. In the larger context of evolution, it has not fully reduced. Somewhere in our unconscious, it does exist. Each of us at some point in time would have succumbed to this state during our family or work interactions.

The question is how deeply resourceful does ‘being defensive’ leave us? When we become self-aware and begin to take ownership of our own actions and the internal qualities that we hold, we go through a phase of consciously making the changes to show up differently. These are phases in which we are required to hold the tension for a while and not react to protect ourselves. True protection here is the new quality we aspire to hold and express.

It's ok to feel hurt, it’s ok if someone does not understand or criticize us for a mistake, and it’s ok if sarcasm is their way – what’s important in such times is to give ourselves a chance to transform.

Sharing some insights & practices that helps me move through different phases - being defensive to owning up to authentic expression to having faith in grace and guidance.

• Become aware – Be within the tension and let the light illuminate our surface entanglements and reveal what’s really calling out from within. Observe your breath, consciously cut the noise, tune in to silence and figure out which seed is germinating aka, which value/ quality is not met, or not attended to.
• Build a wall around ourselves – One of the leaders in the beginning of his journey said, when some quality or an inner urge is calling out for us to show up differently we seek protection, just so that we don’t slip back into the old( known ways of working). Set some boundaries for yourself for the quality to fully manifest through you. At some point we do realize that these walls are not required anymore, that’s when we let go of protection.
• Create a safe space – a space where we fully accept who we are and are ready to begin from there. A space where we can connect with the qualities of creativity, courage, resilience, and perseverance. Here we can create a nourishing environment for ourselves and bring forward our inner strengths.
• Authentic expression – I am still a novice here, and it feels like this is a lifelong practice. Connect to a quality that is seeking expression within us and then connect to its universal/ highest expression. From this space, we receive insights and take ?action. In this space, there is no need for protection because we are rooted in the paradigm of “oneness of self and environment” (a concept from Nichiren Buddhism)
• Aspiring for unconditional compassion and inner guidance – This to my humble knowledge, possibly a complete lack of experience and a deep aspiration – that may be this state is where one is always in complete connection with the divine (name the way you deeply connect with this source) and graced by ideas and actions which may lead to our next phases of new creations (evolution).

These are not necessarily sequential steps; we tend to use one or the other depending on our perceived complexity of the situation and the capacity to anchor and access our inner strengths. All the insights and processes are based on breath work, deep listening, and being within the body.

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Resources :

Some experiential inner work practices are available in the books “Into the Great Depth of our Being” and “The Flame ?Within” authored by Arul Dev. Most are intuitive and I say with complete faith that each one of us has that capacity to build our own inner practices as we tune into our deeper selves. An intuitive, practical, and self-guiding app based on the framework mentioned in the book is available for download - InStrengths Insights? Cards App.

Insights shared in this article are written by Shraddha Patel, principal consultant at People First.