In Defense of the Doctors: A Salute to the Scholars of LinkedIn

In the hallowed halls of LinkedIn, where business jargon flows like fine wine, and networking is the sport of kings, a peculiar debate rages on. The esteemed title of "Doctor," it seems, is under siege. Not from illness or injury but from a vocal faction of self-proclaimed gatekeepers who assert that unless one wields a scalpel or prescribes pills, the title of "Doctor" is nothing more than a fraudulent facade.

Enter the Trumpers, a merry band of MAGA, ULTRA MAGA, and other RINO-hunting enthusiasts who, in their infinite wisdom, have decreed that Dr. Jill Biden's doctorate in education is as legitimate as a degree from Hogwarts. Their thesis? Only medical doctors deserve the honorific "Doctor." This assertion, delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer and the grace of a drunken bull, is both amusing and alarming.

But before we delve into the comedic tragedy of this debate, let me introduce my favorite doctors:

Doctor W. Edwards Deming - A titan of industry, the grandmaster of quality control. This man single-handedly revolutionized manufacturing and laid the foundation for the modern economy. Without him, your LinkedIn posts about Six Sigma and Lean would be as relevant as a rotary phone in the age of the iPhone.

Doctor Hunter Stockton Thompson - The Gonzo journalist, the man who turned the written word into a chaotic, exhilarating rollercoaster. Thompson didn't need a stethoscope; his pen was his scalpel, slicing through the absurdity of American culture and Trumper politics when Nazis went by the name Nazi with surgical precision.

Doctor Gonzo - The mythical figure of Thompson's imagination, a paragon of excess and a prophet of truth. His doctorate, much like his existence, is nebulous at best, but his impact on literature and satire is undeniable.

Doctor Jill Biden - An educator, a champion of literacy, and a beacon of hope for students everywhere. Her doctorate in education represents years of dedication and hard work. But to the Trumpers, her achievements are dismissed with the wave of a red-capped hand.

Doctor Drivel - A conjuration from the fevered mind of Bob Rutherford, an avatar of unapologetic indulgence and an oracle of raw reality. His doctorate, much like his existence, is nebulous at best—crafted from the flimsy credentials of his detractors' imaginations. Doctor Drivel's legacy is etched in the annals of literature and satire, a relentless purveyor of poignant truths wrapped in layers of acerbic wit and unrestrained debauchery.

So, dear Trumpers, what do these doctors have in common? They are all purveyors of knowledge, pioneers in their fields, and undeniably deserving of their titles. To reduce the title of "Doctor" to a mere medical credential is to ignore the rich tapestry of academic achievement that spans disciplines as diverse as economics, literature, and education.

To insist otherwise is to indulge in willful ignorance, a refusal to acknowledge the value of scholarship and the pursuit of knowledge. It's like saying only chefs can be called "Master" because they hold a whisk instead of a wrench. It’s a myopic view that does a disservice to the countless individuals who have dedicated their lives to advancing human understanding.

So let us raise a glass to all the doctors of LinkedIn, whether they heal bodies, minds, or systems. Let us celebrate their contributions and defend their right to their hard-earned titles. And to the Trumpers, who insist on bringing their politics to this business platform, the DOCTORS won't join you in the mud, but I will.

Until then, I remain your humble scribe, an unlicensed practitioner of satire, and a fervent defender of the intellectual elite.

Yours in Gonzo,

Doctor Drivel (aka Bob Rutherford)